It sucks to be an Asian male. Lowest of the low. Tons of statistics and case studies prove it. In a speed dating study at Columbia U, Asian males were rated lowest by all race of females including Asian females. The only race rejected by their own race. An asian males has to make a whopping quarter of a million dollars more than a white man just to get a response from a white chick on online dating.
But you think being an Asian male putting up with a ton of wm/afs is bad? Try being born of a wm/af and looking like an Asian male. Me. OF course my white dad, and asian mom can’t understand any of my Asian male problems and blame everything on me being a loser as an individual. Although there is plenty of overlap between my personal loserdom, and what happen to be asian male stereotypes. But it turns out we’re both right. I face plenty of disadvantages as an asian, AND I’m also a huge loser as an individual. The gap between the worst Asian and me, is much bigger than the gap between the worst asian and the best white. I’m genetic garbage. A freak a monster.
My parents are NOT a stereotypical WM/AF. I hate them because they are a statistic. Just by being a statistic they are proof that Asians are the lowest worst race, and I belong to that race BECAUSE of them. The cruelty of WM/AF to their Eurasian sons can not be stated in words. The only Asian female who owes me anything is my mom, and I’ve made my parents pay by being the shittiest son imaginable. Asian females as a whole don’t owe me anything, but since my image suffers because of them, it does bemuse me that they are so hell-bent on proving they belong to the worst race. It will be interesting to see how the next generation of Eurasians reacts to their WM/AF parents. Thank God I don’t have a Eurasian sisters. I think having a WM/AF sister is even worse than having a WM/AF mom.
I’m probably one of the few Hapa sons who has called out his WM/AF parents right to their WM/AF faces. I’ve openly told them to their faces much of what I’ve repeated here on this blog.
Hey, I respect what you say, regardless of the haters you’re getting. A lot of them, like Randy, are obviously affected by what you wrote. You hit a nerve because there happens to be some truth in what you say. 🙂
Your critics sound a little too pomo for my taste. It usually hints at denial. Keep up the interesting, honest, and personal writing you do!
One thing that I do not agree with, however, is acting on some of these negative feelings. Airing them out is fine, but please don’t hurt this friend of yours.
I’m saying this with the utmost sympathy. I’m someone who has somewhat similar views to yours (albeit somewhat more optimistic or apathetic). I understand that it’s somewhat counterproductive and just playing to the “nice, meek Asian guy” stereotype, but I don’t think it’s worth sacrificing a good friend / potential love interest over this issue.
You are worth more than your detractors.
Don’t blame your parents just because you can’t find a girl friend by yourself ! aren’t you smart?aren’t you healthy? don’t you have families and friends? how about appreciate all of these instead of being negative, coward and greedy. no body is perfect, and you have done nothing wrong, why you hate yourself so much? you need a hobby dude.
You really have some serious problem, I mean mentally!! If you are a loser yourself, it’s nothing to do with your parents, they found each other and have a good life, nothing wrong. I’m happy for those girls who dumped you or not trying to hook up with you, nothing is worse than getting together with a loser…. Oh sad you… You want some pathetic sympathy, yeah, you got it…oh poor baby boy…. Good enough?
Sure I’m a loser. But what am “I”? Just the some total of the genes of WM/AF, being raised by WM/AF and how 21st century American society perceives Asian males. Thats all I am. So it has everything to do with my parents. Either genes or upbringing. And just their marriage alone, was a major blow to my prestige and self-esteem as an Asian male. Because for all intents and purposes, I am an Asian male. Unless people want to hear a lecture on my family tree ancestry or take an DNA test. I used to be angry about being seen as just Asian, when I’m equally white. But thats insanity on my part. I look totally Asian, so people see me as totally Asian. Theres a video of a white guy talking with his white pal, and his pal says his baby looks totally Asian, not white at all. And the white dad is like “what are you saying shes cheating on me?”. So yeah WMs in wm/afs get totally Asian looking sons.
But I agree with you. There is nothing worse than getting with the offspring of WM/AF. A girl who gets together with a hapa male is saying “I’m glad WM/AF exists, because I’m glad you exist.”. As an Asian male, I’m glad no girl has ever approved of me, because that would mean they approve of WM/AF. But yeah in all WM/AFs there is a 50% chance of producing ME.
Clearly, “you don’t need to know”, you are likely one of these asian women he was talking about who happily gives herself to a guy just because he is white or non asian for that matter. Pathetic you are for judging a man’s value by his skin colour. You are the one with the mental problems
So, it appears that you’ve closed the comments on your posts and made it impossible for people to comment here without logging in to wordpress.
And how does that make you feeeel?
To me, it’s very interesting. You weren’t getting hoardes of people commenting with things like “UR GAY” “UR SO DUMB WHAT A LOSER” or similarly emptyheaded nonsense. You did have to deal with some of that, yes, but it seemed that largely, people wanted to discuss ideas with you or with others on the topics you bring up in your posts, or to understand why you feel the way you do, maybe to attempt to get you to see things a different way.
The fact that you’ve closed up the comments makes me scratch my head. What are you accomplishing by limiting outside comments? So that you don’t have to deal with others’ ideas? And why make people log in to wordpress? So that you can internet-stalk them and make fun of their blogs?
I, and I’m sure several others, would like an explanation.
This is probably more of a general reply to reading your blog. As a asian american female, i’m amazed by the number of generalizations in your blog. While there are asian mothers than fit into the stereotype of being the mean crazy mom, my mom is the very nurturing and caring. I sometimes wonder what it means to be asian american. I usually identify as a chinese american because I can’t help but feel that being “asian” is an inherently american construction bound together by negative stereotypes and as being an “other”. Do I as an asian american female feel that white men are cooler? nope. i think sometimes its creepy and weird, because you wonder : does this guy have some weird fetish or does he want to just talk to me as person? despite what you might think, not all asian american girls have some hatred towards asian american men. i like to think that i judge people on a person by person basis
I know how you feel, on the gulf coast there’s a big Vietnamese community stretching from Mobile to New Orleans, and each one of them sees me as White, but every White person I know sees me as Asian. I am the product of a Swiss dad and a Vietnamese mom, and despite what I difficulties I had finding my identity (mixed & gay) as a teen, I realized what advantages it gave me once I got out on my own and out of the south. I lucked out with the best of both physical features, I’ve got Asian cheekbones & metabolism, Caucasian nose & height, and a blending of both in eye shape and hair. Now I live in Philly and use money I made from modeling to pay for school. Plus I can speak Vietnamese too, which comes in handy when people talk about you and think you can’t understand them. My identity used to get me down, but now I realize it gives me an advantage.
Its what you make of it, I hate to hear that it make you cynical because I’ve been there too bro. You got a lot going for you being mixed; people for whatever reason will always find it a really interesting quality that your multiracial. And btw, mixed raced (in particular white/asian) people have fewer risks for hereditary diseases and a broader immune system.
Oh and if you’re looking for an Asian girl, visit any of the big gulf coast cities (Mobile AL, Biloxi MS, and New Orleans LA) there they only seem to date other Asians.
It is fascinating to hear perspectives from other hapas. And it’s great that some of you are well adjusted and happy with your mixed heritage. But in many cases, it doesnt really apply to Mr “Stuff Eurasian Males Like”.
He is a heterosexual mixed male who looks completely asian. He parents are the stereotypical AF/WM variety. And I’m assuming he’s of average looks.
So he can neither take advantage of his exotic looks for modeling or fool anyone by pretending to not speak the language, since everyone assumes he already knows the language.
Unlike delacroix90, Mr “Stuff Eurasian Males Like” is heterosexual, which simply amplifies all the disgusts and insecurities he has with his predicament, since it brings into question his masculinity and his identity as a man. I’m assuming that a gay asian man does not have the same insecurities regarding asian emasculation as a straight asian man, since a gay man never have to prove their virility. Let me know if I am wrong about that.
As an asian american who has rolled his eyes and maybe cussed under his breath when he sees one too many AF/WM coupling, I can only imagine what it would be like to have to see it everynight when he goes home and see his parents.
Btw Mr “Stuff Eurasian Males Like”, are you still around ? Let us know if you are planning to abandon this blog so I can take it off my feed. You havent blog in nearly 2 months ?!
Damn dude, you need to stop caring about how people percieve you and enjoy life. You talk how you cannot get a women because the way society percieves you, but have you ever thought that the reality is that it’s not society, but you yourself who is holding you down. Yes, there is the perception of asian males being unattractive, but it is you who define the label not other people. Also, you have to realise the a majority of the people on this planet suck, so dont let them bring you down.People are attracted to positive energy; become more positive, and you will attract positive people. Heres a suggestion dont search for a girl and work on improving yourself. Hell the more positive you become the more likely you will find a attractive mate; look for chemistry my friend.
I feel your pain, but in a very different way. I am Half white Half asian and yes I have a AF/WM, but the fact is I came out looking like both. When I was young I used to have the term azn pride, but when they rejected me because of my mixed looked I became bitter and hated on my asian side, so I turned to my white side but that too had the same effect I was asian to them as much as I was white to the asians. Now I reliase that my race dosnt define me I define myself. Have hope dude it will get better “IF YOU TRY!!!”
Hello SEL,
I came across your blog by accident and just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I am an Asian-American female, full-blooded, born in the US, and I sympathize with you through and through. I hate the white media portrayal of Asian and Asian Am men and I hate they way white dudes think they are better than everyone, will harass me, demean Asian men and then assume I want one of them. Trust me. I don’t. I got a fine man already. And he’s Asian.
I know that there are AF that fit the description of your parents. (And your parents sound crazy by the way.) And I hate those girls too. But it’s not all of us. Not even most of us.
And I also just want to say that there are plenty of Asian and Asian Am men with hot White women, hot Black women and hot Asian women. I know this cause I see it in just my circle of friends alone. I also know 4 Hapas with Asian dads and white moms.
So hang in there. Ignore the haters. They’re probably defensive rice chasers anyway. Like the last guy said have hope and know that alot of us Asian girls fully got your back 🙂
xoxo
Hey Kim,
It’s wonderful to find an Asian woman who hasn’t sold out. I will defend the 60% of you that stick with us to the death.
Sigh… I guess another one of those 12 AM/WF is contacting you again haha Sorry. So I dont know who you are, but you have really opened up a whole new can of worms for me. I ran across your blog after I googled something about having married an Asian man and my in-laws hating me. Anyway…I always worried about my future baby not being loved or accepted by my in-laws or having them try and paint a negative image of me in my child’s eyes…or even trying to sabotage my (future) pregnancy (they keep emailing my husband telling him to never have a baby)….but…I never once considered the fact that my child would suffer through such an overwhelming identity crisis! =((((
It saddens me. I know we live in a racist world…but I had seriously hopped that humanity had made some progress in that area…=( For you to feel the way you do…. sigh… I guess I found it very disturbing. Anyway, any advice on how to improve my situation with my in-laws? You seem to have some very interesting insight so I’d love to hear from you if you don’t mind. Thanks
This might have come too late, but try the icysparks2007 on Youtube. You can even send him a personal message for help. The guy is really genuine and sincere. He makes lots of videos on parental approval for Asian guys and all that.
The writer of this blog also endorses the view in this blog post, http://fuckgnar.blogspot.com/2008/08/hapa-pride.html.
Hi, I just wanted to say a few things because I happened to come across your blog as I was looking for “pros and cons” of being eurasian. I am interested in such things because I am an Asian (half fob, half white-washed :p) female who is currently dating (for nearly 5 yrs now) an American guy of Polish/Italian descent. Now, I also majored in Psychology, and found that, quite conspicuously, you are struggling with some internal (and I guess, to some extent, external) conflicts about your racial identity. First and foremost, I am so sorry for all of your personal burdens as being a eurasian boy. It seems like you are fighting with yourself over what you simply cannot change. I am worried for you because your external appearances really, without the help of plastic surgery, is something that is more or less what you will be living with for the rest of your life. It can get very depressing when you are constantly losing to something that you have really no control over. What you CAN change though, is your own perspective of things. Why do you think that Asians in general (and more so for Asian males) are inferior to Caucasians? I believe this question is at the very core of your struggles. Do you have any concrete evidence that Asians are inferior? It is inhumane to compare superficial traits and deem one race over another as superior. I think that you should try to find more positive things in your parents’ marriage, as opposed to constantly ripping apart what they thought would be a beautiful and happy life with a loving child. Your parents love you, and you should be a bit more grateful that they are still with each other and are still trying to support you. I understand that your mother is a “tiger-mother”. I have read Amy Chua’s article, and frankly, I do agree that such methods of mothering may be a bit overbearing. But remember, your parents love you and it is time for you to start loving yourself as a human. Try not to dwell on unimportant things such as race or ethnicity; I am sure one day you will find a loving person who will love you for who you are and not for what racial features you have.
I’m really sorry that your parents and society failed you. Here’s some things I agree with you:
1) those that marry out of their culture likely dn’t wholly accept it.
I grew up in a western culture which I felt had no soul. My family didnt really celebrate being christian or where they were from. One of the things I like about my husband is that he has a rich culture. One of the things he likes about my culture is that it is much less restrictive.
2) racism sucks.
Having lived in asia I can understand to some degree what it’s like. Being called tye foreigner everyday can be trying.
3) it’s hard to be one of a few.
In hong kong tnere are a LOT of eurasians. Msr have white dads, but white moms are steadily becoming more common. Since there are so many i think there is much less discrimination. Challenges to be sure, but better than US r Europe.
4) life can suck no matter the race.
Parents can be terrible, people can be mean. Life just has different challenges depending on who you are. Dont hink thatbeing eurasian is the be all end all.
5) asain men are treated poorly br US media
Hell ya! Ots getting betterr though. See newest fastand furious. Its going to take time, but itll chnage. Sides, stereotyoes are just that. I know 6ftchinese guys, ones that weight lift. To sound cliche…defeat stereotypes:D
You can make the decision of how you see yourself at the least. People will make assumptions everyday. If you allow their assmptions to shape you, than you are failing yourself. Battling through t is part of becomng a better person.
A very interesting blog. I can see the truth in many things you say. I am hapa female, living in the UK. Look forward to your next post.
Hey there StuffEurasiansLike.
I know you are having a hard time and I am seriously worried about the fact that you haven’t responded to anyone lately. Usually I stay calm about blogs that disappear, but for you I am worried. I am a white women(one of the rare few who likes Asian guys and is NOT into anime or ONLY Japan). I suppose I am the weirdest person to comment on your blog, but I want you to know there are other people in this world who DO understand you(and I know a LOT of your commenters do NOT understand YOU). It seems that too many people try to “fix” you, by relating their stories or trying to tell you it’s not that bad…..but I am not here to do that. I really do feel for you. In my lifetime I have tried to figure out which nationality I identify with most. I have 19+ different nationalities in my background, an all though I am not Asian, I did date an Asian(Taiwanese)who recently found out he may be more than just Chinese & Aborigine. He was excited and upset at the same time. Race identity is a hard thing to deal with, and knowing how disapproving my boyfriend was of WM/AF relationships, I understand how much harder it must be for you to be the child of such a relationship. I even have a hapa friend(the son of an WM/WF relationship who has some issues himself). I want to let you know there ARE white women(and Black, Latina, and other nationalities)who DO want Asian men, be they hapa and Asian looking or full Asian. I do hope you’ll email me to chat…..I would like to chat further…….I hope you are well SEL! Take Care \(^_^)/ xoxoxo
Hi, I’m an Asian female born and raised in the U.S. by my mom and her Caucasian husband (she remarried, nit her previous husbands were both Japanese). I have a mixed-race son; he’s half Hispanic, so maybe you would consider me to be one of the sellout whores that you hate, then… I’m not really sure.
Anyway, I’ve been skimming through your posts and I noticed that you mention how people assume full Asian identities for people who are not fully Asian. I just wanted to point out that this isn’t a solely Asian occurrence: Barack Obama is just as white as he is black, but how often do you hear people mention that? He is our “first black president.” Let’s not forget Tiger Woods – he’s half Asian, but does anyone even acknowledge that? Nope, Tiger Woods is black.
Apparently, although half-whiteness may get overlooked, half-blackness overshadows even more than half-Asian-ness does.
And I think that mixed children of black & Asian parents are beautiful! And judging from numerous rap songs, I’m not the only one to think so! lol.
Another one: Tyson Beckford!
Yes, we Asian men do regard you as a sellout whore. And, yes, we already know you and your kind don’t give a crap. You don’t empathize with your Asian brothers.
Blacks are held in worse regard than Asians are, so that’s why Tiger Woods is considered black and because he looks it.
Asian women who desire mixed race children of their own are the ultimate sellouts. And, so what if we think you are sellouts. You don’t empathize. Just come out and say “fuck you, Asian man.” You’re called chinks and gooks but not us women. We get a pass, because “we love you long time” is our mantra.
The reason I said that I wasn’t sure if I’m one of the “sellout whores” he mentions was because he’d claimed that Asian women are often after WM while being racist against blacks and Hispanics, and clearly this doesn’t apply to me.
It doesn’t bother me that you’re calling me that, because you’re saying this without knowing anything about me personally or my experiences. You’re attacking a hypothetical person. I’m glad you responded though, because although I have a handful of Asian friends, I was never really immersed in Asian/Asian-American social groups so I guess I was always ignorant to how Asian men feel. I never knew that there were Asians that might resent me based on my family. I can really empathize, and I’m sorry that I’m portraying an image that is offensive to any fellow Asians. It was never my intent, but now I am more aware of/sensitive to these issues.
Actually, women make up less than 50 percent of the population (Female babies through senior citizens are killed more often.) and women are always rejecting men on the basis of looks and weight as well as money and education.
Another stereotype of mixed people, especially in the case of mixed Asians, is that they’re dumber than full-blooded ones, lazy, undisciplined, bad marriage material since they are of two or more races, and are less likely to marry or get divorced because of their ambiguity.
Being an Asian female mixed with European ancestry due to having great-great grandparents that are European on both sides of the family is that whenever I talk to White guys, Asian guys always freak out and get intimidated so easily that I cannot talk to White guys anymore and I live in the South. My parents want me to marry Asian guys only even though my family is Eurasian. That’s hypocritical.
Asian women, who desire mixed children are sellouts? They are no worse than other women of color who want mixed children. Bet ya miss the old days when interracial marriage was illegal. Last time I checked, Asian men aren’t typically pathetic, piece of sh*ts like you. You think that Asian women who are in interracial relationships hate Asian men? I’m sorry, I thought that Asian women were human beings with free will! How utterly stupid of me! Thank you so much for reminding me that they are actually just the property of Asian men! You hate it when white men date Asian women, because of how annoying it is when they act like they own Asian women yet you’re not mad because of how they are being objectified and sexualized but rather because you feel like white men are stealing your “property.” That is just f**ked up.
BTW, I’m not saying it’s okay for white men to act like they own asian women. It’s not. It’s f**ked up. But it seems like you guys are either jealous or the abuse you got from your parents seem to implant an irrational, unhealthy hatred towards WMAF. It does not look like you give two sh*ts about Asian women being abused or objectified at all. You just believe Asian women are the cattle of Asian men and seeing them dating outside their race makes you jealous and mad. But I’m not supporting race traitors. Matter of fact, I hate those types of people but dating outside your race isn’t betraying your race
This post reminded me a lot of this other guy from Blogger
http://fuckgnar.blogspot.com/2008/08/hapa-pride.html
WM/AF parings are twice as high as AM/WF pairings but WM/AF has gone down a lot more than AM/WF:
http://www.hyphenmagazine.com/blog/archive/2010/06/interracial-marriage-still-happening-more-slowly
“Right now, about 8 percent of marriages in the US are mixed-raced, which is only a 1 percent increase from the 2000 census report. AP didn’t give a breakdown of Asian men marrying out versus Asian women, but it did say that the number of US-born Asians marrying foreign-born Asians has multiplied three times for men and five times for women.”
According to that dude, more net AM/WF marriages in last 5 years than WM/AF marriges.
also, Eurasian Male, here’s a question: Is your mom really fugly? I noticed WM/AF is very good for the Asian race in America; the Asian females in a vast VAST majority of cases is quite ugly by Asian standards (dark skin, ugly face, etc.) Their progeny is almost always absorbed into the Caucasian race. You shouldn’t hate your mom, probably no Asian guy would take her. It’s simple eugenics and basical survival. Same dynamics with black guys with fat white girls (and you never see white guys with black girls).
Dude, you are a legend. I’m an Asian male who was raised in the West. I really don’t like to think of people as “sell-outs” but when Western society is as blatantly anti-Asian male as it is, it’s hard not to think of the women who worship white men as anything else. Isn’t it telling that Tiger Woods has an Asian mother and a black father and he still only chases white women. It’s a sick society ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwySzkpyMfI ). Most of the Asian women with white men are actually pretty decent people, but almost always wilfully blind to the injustice of their favored society and the consequences of their short-sighted views. I wouldn’t be against interractial couples if they were fighting against racism, but they never do, the white man always flaunts his status as the dominant white man of the world and the asian woman paints herself as some kind of prized exotic trophy. I always knew that when they had their Asian-looking children, the shit would hit the fan. I used to be furious at the injustice when I saw WM/AF couples on the street, now I just smile and think to myself…let’s see you what this picture looks like in ten years. It’s not the same as the fashionable trend of making a family by adopting a little Asian girl, is it? (and maybe marrying her when she becomes legal like Woody Allen).
What I wasn’t sure about in regard to WM/AF couples was how Eurasians would grow up, and this is where you give me hope. You have been forced to see the world as Asian men see the world – no matter what you do, you’ll always be an unfit outsider. Don’t feel bad about that, this is an injustice in the world and you are no longer part of it. I’m glad you recognise it and are angered by it. Forget trying to join the white world. Marry an Asian woman and have Asian children. The western world is doomed anyway, western europe will demographically disappear soon enough, the USA facing financial armageddon. No more rich white people = no more Hollywood = no more institutionalised brainwashing of bias against Asians.
Join us. White Male + Asian Female = One less sellout.
Ugh. I keep returning to this blog, because while on good days, I can condemn you like so many other commentators, but on bad days I can completely relate to what you are feeling.
People are calling you a loon, saying that you have some unique psychological problems, and implying that we Hapas of the common variety should be able to adjust normally to American society. I just want to affirm for my own sanity, and for yours, that you are not alone. That your brothers definitely feel despair from this unique blend of racism and sexism that comes from being the son of WM/AF.
And it is really racism. It’s not that you’re alienated from your parents: I have a good relationship with mine, yet most people with whom I interact are not interested in how my parents met, how they raised me, or how they defy stereotypes. As soon as someone learns (or assumes based on surname and looks) that I am of WM/AF parentage, a part of their brain that holds ideas about white virility and Asian emasculation activates to put me at a disadvantage, either in the form of condescension (WM) or resentment (AM). It’s all very tiring, because these attitudes are so pervasive, and they’re a kick in the face every time I meet someone new.
I’m sorry that I don’t have any suggestions or advice for you. But I’m glad that you’ve written this blog, and that you continue to comment on other websites, because your struggles are not as unique and marginal as the racist haters would have it.
I agree with Azar Ikenberry above. As a hapa female, I also suffered from the negative stereotypes of Asian/Eurasian females caused by the sell-out behaviour of other Asian females. It sounds like a crass generalisation and can’t apply to every single individual, but our eyes don’t lie -generally Asian females are sellouts! My friends are from all over the world. Whenever I hang out in Asia with old elementary school friends who happen to be white and who were male, the way other Asians treat me is disgusting. They either completely ignore me as if I was yet another one of those dumb trophy Asian/hapa girlfriends with nothing to say; or they literally treat me like a prostitute.
I have to deal with loser, ugly, failure in life white guys living in Asia who are so used to easy Asian girls that when they meet me, they automatically assume I’m interested in them.
And it annoys the crap out of me yet at the same time I can’t blame them -because they see this kind of behaviour every day from Asian women!
If I fall in love with someone who happened to be white, or a white looking hapa, I’d have to think twice about being forever labelled as one of those sell out Asians, by everyone in the world of whatever race. As the writer of this blog states, I am no less white than Asian, so if I were to marry a white male I would not be selling out anymore than if I married an Asian male. But because of this legacy left by the sell out party girls, hapa females have it hard too.
Finally, I wish Asians would stop worshipping ‘whiteness’ and half white hapas (the white part). As a hapa girl, other Asians only praise my “white” features, and never ever my “Asian” features. Is it any wonder that the writer of this blog was/is ashamed to be mistaken for full Asian? It isn’t his fault, given the rejection of Asian traits by Asians themselves.
Those are my thoughts. thanks for the blog and I also enjoy reading the equally insightful comments.
I don’t think you should feel bad when loser-ish Asian males (or anyone, for that matter) give you nasty looks. Anyone who has prejudice against random people whom he/she does not even know has real psychological problems (and I don’t mean they’re psychopaths). It has to do with what they are constantly thinking inside their heads simply because they are obsessed over it. And why would they be obsessed over fellow asian girls who abandon them for white guys? most likely because they feel inadequate and wonder why they don’t have asian girlfriends for themselves. simply put, you should try to just avoid the ignorant/jealous humans, white or asian.
And.. I understand what you mean by asian women who fall head over heals for white guys. but to be fair, you should think about it from their perspective. it’s true that these days hollywood is the trend all over the world. MANY countries are starting to believe that white features are the most beautiful. it isn’t surprising, therefore, that asian women are attracted to white men, if they are at least decent looking. also, asian women have been oppressed for a very long time and are just beginning to enjoy some freedom from male dominance. but most western countries have been less male-dominant for a much longer time than these asian countries, which are still very much male-dominated. so, when asian women see western men, or their culture, it is something of great desire and value, since noone wants to be oppressed or considered a mere baby-maker/home-caretaker/ or have to deal with step mothers who are overly protective of their male heirs. it’s just a completely different lifestyle to look forward to. but yes, i know that things are getting much better in countries like korea (i lived there for a little than half of my life and have gone to highs school there, and even communicate with friends these days who are finishing up medical school there etc) and i do acknowledge that most of these so called “sell-out whores” are simply mid 20s – mid 30’s women who go to clubs and truly embrace western culture, and seek a potential mate who would possibly take them out of korea and bring them to the u.s. or even europe, since that seems cooler, more fun, and would potentially bring about an easier lifestyle. It is more appealing to her to go with a white guy than staying at home and seeing which male asian she could pick out as someone who would satisfy all of her needs (which I heard that nowadays is hard to do since women are better educated and thus have higher standards).
the thing where women want to find a good mate is a pervasive “practice” all around the world. it is just that asian women are trying to find theirs outside of their own racial gene pool.
You write “the thing where women want to find a good mate is a pervasive “practice” all around the world. it is just that asian women are trying to find theirs outside of their own racial gene pool.” and you wonder why Hapa sons of marriages like that might hate their moms?
You are hateful and jealous of White femininity and beauty.
You pretend all White men want you but the truth is far from it.
You spread lies about White women being fat and manly.
But when you see the average White female your heart writhes in envy, of her lovely lashes, her expressive eyes, her luscious hair, her warm bosom, and her wide hips.
She could be a college undergrad, looking for her next class with an earnest expression etched on her face, dressed in simple shorts and a t-shirt, backpack slung over her shoulder.
Or she could be a guest at the opera, magnificent in her dark red gown, hair coiffed in an elegant french bun, her fine features dabbed in light make-up. Distant, intimidating, yet innocent.
She could even be the tomboy, beating the boys at their own game. But with those bright blue eyes, that long lithe body, those swaying hips and that dazzling smile, who minds?
Your hatred and envy drive you to bring her down. You must show that you are her superior. That she is only human.
So you entice desperate “white” weaklings, who have no chance with the average White woman.
And you brag, you brag about how you snatched the “white” “man” from her.
You parade your weak coward in front of her, hoping she’ll take notice.
But she doesn’t, she is too busy with petitions for her hand.
Petitions from hands of all different colors. White, yellow, red, black and brown.
So you conspire against her with your fellow Yellows. And with the bitter loser you attract.
Your hatred pumps from different sources.
You, from jealousy and your ironically overblown ego.
Him, from his spurned ego. His inability to win her.
But that hatred sets you both towards the same end.
And together you blare about how “exotic, feminine, submissive and hot” you are compared to her.
You try to deceive others. To show them how happy you are together. You to be rid of your own men. And him to be rid of the White Woman.
While all along you hope in secret that your daughter inherits from your failure of a “white” “man” the very beauty of the White Woman you seek to humiliate.
There is nothing more vile than the Asian female or her “white man”. They have committed the ultimate sin against Truth and Beauty by calling The Ugly Beautiful.
@Asian Woman, I see through you.
You have a pretty wild imagination and maybe working on your grammar would help your little observation sound a little more substantial, if at all. Oh, and I think you should go see a psychiatrist. Present the comment that you made on this blog to the psychiatrist and he/she will explain to you why you need his/her help.
And I should add that mixed couples (asian/white) are still considered a “uncommon,” (about 2.9% of the u.s. population- wikipedia ) even in the u.s.
It’s not only Asian men who think you are sell-out whores for going with the white man, but white men as well. They don’t respect you. They wonder how you can spread your legs for them when they are calling your Asian brothers gooks and chinks. Where’s your loyalty to your father and brothers? But, they won’t complain, so long as you “love them long time.” Believe me, they have disgust for you. They wouldn’t want their women to behave that way. All men fear the occupying army that will rape their wives and daughters but when they willingly spread their legs and call that army, “liberators,” that fear turns into anger. Yes, the white man has more empathy for the Asian man than you might think. So, the next time you rant to the white man about how the Asian men hating on you are such losers, study his face carefully. That little smirk you see is one of disgust.
Yea, I guess you haven’t really talked with respectable white men before. I’m sorry, but I think that your white male friend’s little smirk and apparent sympathy (idk about empathy.. are you saying that he understands what it is like to be an asian male who cannot get girls?) for your complaints about asian women is directed towards your low self-esteem (I mean, if you were confident enough and was able to get any woman you want, would you even be concerned about what other people’s relationships are like?). Even if your white friend was expressing sympathy for asian males who can’t get asian nor white girlfriends, don’t you think that as an asian male, that is a pathetic thing to be receiving? Why do you WANT their sympathy? I think you should give yourself a break. Get a nice girlfriend and stop ranting and complaining about things that don’t really have to do with your own life. Excuse me if you have someone in your family who is in an interracial relationship.
Also, talking about sell-out whores.. does that apply to any non-white woman who is in a relationship with white men? Because if that is the case, you are pretty much done here. And btw, ever heard of the rape of Nanking? Japanese soldiers raped thousands and millions of Asian women. If you are worried about white soldiers raping women in Asia, consider the loads of Asian men who rape women everyday.
@Varia Quae-whatever, it’s too long
Are you sure that’s your name? Sounds like a put on.
What statistics do you have to back up the claim that “loads of Asian men who rape women everyday”?
The Rape of Nanking? Ok. Let me think of some White armies famous for raping lots of women. Oh I don’t know… how about the Vikings, the Crusaders, the Carthaginians, the Romans, the Greeks? There are more but the list is just too long.
Here’s the point, EVERY ARMY IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND HAS USED RAPE AS A WEAPON OF WAR.
But there’s only one army that rapes the women (and sometimes men) in it’s ranks. And that’s the United States Army:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/the-womens-blog-with-jane-martinson/2012/oct/29/rape-military-shocking-truth
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assault_in_the_United_States_military
@Varia-pretentious Asian wretch
To quote many respectable white men who can get any woman they want, “The femininity you see in Asian women is driven by border-line pedophilia”.
Respectable white men don’t bother with Asian women because they can get White women.
Just look around. Where are the respectable White men with Asian women?
I see none. I see creeps like Rupert Murdoch. Pedophiles like Woody Allen. There are soooooo many more.
I don’t know where you hatred of Asian men comes from, I supposed it’s because they’re too busy chasing worthy Asian women who look and act nothing like you. But must you stoop so low?
Is spiting the men of your race worth being attached to a sick losers who are rejected by their own race?
@ lazy no-namer
Okay, maybe not THAT lazy since you cared enough to post links with your comment. Yeah, vikings, romans, greeks etc etc your examples are completely medieval and I mentioned a 20th century (after 500+ yrs of evolution since the middle ages !!) record of a mass rape case. In fact what might be even worse is the fact that Japan still does not even admit their rape crimes – i.e. comfort women – but I will not even get into that since that is a separate issue.
It’s funny how you list the most notorious caucasian celebrities who have asian wives. Hm.. come to think of it, you missed Jon and Kate too. That’s another failure of an interracial couple, eh? Once again, this pervasive notion of caucasian males going with asian women just because they can’t get caucasian women.. really? Wow.
And what is with this crowd of asian men coming to this board to diss asian women. grow up! Asian women have nothing on caucasian women, caucasian women, as you all keep repeating, have nothing on asian women. both groups are fine just as they are. It’s kind of obvious that the real person with the problem is the one saying that there is a problem when there is none. asian women predominately fall in love with asian men. some asian women fall in love with caucasian men. caucasian women predominately fall in love with caucasian men. some caucasian women fall in love with asian men. live with it.
@Varia Quae-whatever, it’s too long
20th century mass rape. Have you heard about the Rape of Berlin? And that wasn’t just Red Army soldiers, American G.I.s took part too.
What about American rape during the Vietnam War?
And the rape that’s happening in the U.S. military right now? That’s some 21st century rape for you!
500+ years of evolution my ass.
http://rense.com/general19/redarmy.htm
Why do I name many loser white males in WMAF relationships? Because there are so damn many. The notion is pervasive because the practice is pervasive.
Jon himself was the offspring of a WMAF couple. Gosselin = English name. White father, Asian mother. Some good genes you guys passed on there.
It’s funny that you’re focused on bullshit like Asian men being rapists when the most important comments on this blog come from the many WMAF hapas who have a problem with WMAF. You’re the one that needs to grow up. Especially since as an Asian female, you’re likely to give birth to them.
Do you still not get why your future son might resent and hate you and your Polish-Italian husband?
The argument the blogger and tons of commenters have made is painfully simple.
WM/AF is based on the inferiority of Asian Men. (I know you want to say that is just ‘love’, but as a psychologist try to be more scientific. You must know the ratio of WM/AF to AM/WF stats is overwhelming. And you yourself said what makes Asian Women different from all other women is that they’re seeking better DNA outside of their own race.)
Eurasian sons LOOK LIKE and are considered by potential partners to be Asian Men.
Thus your own son will most likely feel the same Angst as all the ‘bitter asian men’ you complain about.
You’ve made quite a few comments here, while ignoring the giant elephant in the room. In a couple of years, YOUR son could write this blog….
“caucasian women, as you all keep repeating, have nothing on asian women. both groups are fine just as they are”
Who the fuck said that? The OP says white women are much hotter than asian women and to add to that, they aren’t bitches.
One of the key points of this blog is that asian women are ugly bitches who are jealous of white women and want to advance their social status by dating white men. Of course, being stupid too, the ugly asian bitch miscalculates and only ends up with the white loser that all white women don’t want.
Dude, get a job, with the money you earn, go travel around the world. You will be happier and more cheerful.
I wish I discovered this blog back when you were still active… As an AM I can say that you are truly the voice of my generation. You speak what has otherwise been silenced by the overwhelming caterwauls of those that still live in denial over what is perhaps one of the greatest acts of “Silent Imperialism”. I understand what it’s like to be met by the disillusioned, unquestioning opposition. Thank you for sharing your brutal honesty. I hope life is treating you well on whatever walk of life you’re on. Write on.
OMG this is a great blog! Where are you? xx
Hi there, you have a really intense blog. I have very similar biracial problems (I’m a Chinese-Thai/White female), and would like to talk to you about my perspective on things. Could you please send me an email? Thanks!
First off , i would like to state that i have not read your whole blog so you may have already answered these questions. As you said that asian males are kind of the “outcast” from their own race, would you be willing to not have children to spare them what you consider a curse? A second part to that question, if you , and i use this term loosely “fell in love” with a girl that happened to be white, would you not pursue a relationship to avoid what your parents “did”?
I am involved in a white American male/ Vietnamese Asian female relationship and the two of plan on getting married with in the next 2 years. I would like to state that i fell in love with my gf, not her race, and i was wondering if your parents may have done the same?
Growing up in probably the whitest state in America, I slowly started to be disgusted with my own race, males and females. Sure, i have dated white girls before and those relationships wee pretty decent, but i was never 100% attracted to them. In several situations a friendship with a white girl has dissolved when she finds out that i am not attracted to her. Now, i am not saying that white girls do not have nice features and what not, but i just don’t find them sexually attractive in the way that i fell about litterally EVERY other race. To try to avoid being raciest, this is only white american girls as i have not has much experience with “other” whites. P.S. one of the reasons that I stray away from white girls is that like many white men, you cannot trust them. In fact my gf said that all of her friends (vietnamese) say that you can’t trust a white person. I responded by agreeing with her. Many white people (most) have never been discriminated against, and get not only what they need in life, but what they want, creating a world for them where they have no morals. Being white i can do not know what it must have been like growing up in your situation.
My gf and I agree on a lot of the same parenting techniques, and i convinced her to never use violence or raised voices with our kids ( something stefbot on youtube taught me). The one thing that I have also told her , is that before we have any kids, i want to be able to speak close to fluent Vietnamese. ( I have been practicing the basics so far)
anywho i guess i lost the point of this comment, but i was just trying to give you an insight on what it might have been for your parents.
Will my children hate me?
P.S. are you an only child? just wondering.
Those who think that I have uniquely bad WM/AF parents and that if I met your cool hip, progressive 21st century WM/AFs I would be so impressed are really missing the point badly. My parent’s marriage whatever its flaws are much much better than the vast vast majority of WM/AF couples I see today. So I don’t need your wonderful romance to reevaluate my parents. The point is simply by being WM/AF as WM/AF my parents castrate me. And thats largely because of couples like yours.
Now I don’t know any details about your relationship. But something that raised a ton of red flags is you saying you can’t stand white women. All the worst most deranged asiaphiles hate white women. Granted they usually love white men, and you claim to hate all white people. Nonetheless a lot of Asiaphiles claim to hate whats become of Western or American values and thus look to the Orient to restore their lost America. You mention that you might like “other” whites besides American white girls. SO that sounds like your one of those Asiaphiles who think American girls are spoiled, bitchy and disloyal.
Will your kids hate you? All I can say is that very few Asiaphile tendencies went into my parent’s relationship, at least I like to think so. My parents are almost the same age, and met here in the USA through mutual friends. The only bad thing I can say about them is that my mom as an Asian woman considered white men at least as equally as she did Asian men. This might sound non-racist and color blind and something to celebrate. The problem is that Asian women are the ONLY race of women to be so “open-minded”. And they are only open-minded to white males. Colored people serving white males is not anti-racism, it is the definition of racism. And its because of the open-mindedness of my mom that Eurasian males like me have it so tough in America. So I do hold that against her. But that said, I like to think my parents are a basically normal couple. You on the other hand have pulled all the Asiaphile tropes, with your talk of being unattracted to white american women and all that. So assuming your male sons look ASian. Which as a WM/AF they probably well. If they feel low status as Asian males, and see a ton of white guys like you taking Asian women like their mom over Asian males like themselves. I definitely think their will be very strong grounds for anger and resentment.
Do you think that you may be gay? I have a theory that some white men who marry Asian women are in the closet with their homosexuality. They can tolerate sex with Asian women because they are of a different race, seeing them as less “woman” than the white women they are more familiar with.
Another WM defending his relationship.. why do you care what we think? You just want everyone else to honour you for your relationship choices. What the fuck do you know, being a male member of the dominant race of your country? Nothing. Saying you are not sexually attracted to your own kind proves the original poster right..
Judging from that picture, the man is more attractive than the woman. Just put some make-up on him.
I cannot actually believe someone would prefer Southeast Asian orcs to our women.
I feel sympathetic to some of T’s points, and he seems sincere, and caring but he kind of spoils it all by saying all that stuff about white women. While you say you fell in love with her gf and NOT her race, after reading what you go on to say about the white race and white women, it doesn’t come across like that. As the author of this blog puts it, that’s the sign of an extreme Asiaphile.
I have a question for the blog author: how old are you? And how long have you felt like this?
Great blog.
Thanks so much for replying so quickly!
I now understand why my future children might resent me, and you are 100% right about me thinking that American girls are spoiled, bitchy and disloyal. But it is not only females that i find have these qualities, but males as well, (myself included).
Your blog is the first place i have ever heard the word “Asiaphile”, and i was curious if i actually was one. When i look for a girlfriend, the first thing that I can “check” off easily is appearance as it is right out in front of me. When i first started straying away from my races females, i was more interested in african american or black people. There was something about those curves and the attitude that comes with that i found very intriguing. I met my gf though an vietnamese friend i made in college. He was giving me a ride to NY to my friend’s college and he set me up on a date with out me really knowing. I met the girl (now my gf) that night but i had to leave 5 mins after because i wanted to hang out with my friend. Anywho, two days later i met back up with the girl and we went out to lunch and “hit it off”. I wasn’t really seeking out an asian gf, it kind of just happened. My question retaining to that is —> does having one asian gf make me an asiaphile? And to help with your answer, the main reason that i promote how much i don’t like white women is the reaction i can get from african american/ black girls. In my experience, if you tell a black girl that you don’t trust white girls, they will totally agree with you, and then might not see you as a “white guy”, but a white guy that knows where the good stuff is (black girls).
By having interracial children, i feel like i would be helping put a stop to racism. I mean, in a hundred years if we were all a mixed race where there were more interracial people then there were “pure or 100%” people, racism would probably die down a little right? But then again i can see your point already forming saying that i am not stoping racism, but fueling it by creating a child that the world will target because of their race.
I love my gf/ soon to be wife and I would not let the internet change anything about that. If we both want to have children to have a family and live the natural course of life, then we are going to do that. Your blog has giving me an inside look at what i might have to deal with in my own family, and i thank you for that.
The reason i asked if you had any siblings( you mentioned in a post tat you didn’t have any sisters at least) was because it might explain why growing up in your situation was so hard. From an outside view of your blog posts, a brother or two in your same situation might have really helped you in times of need. I know that my own siblings have shared most of my valued memories, and changed the experience of growing up. My gf and I have discussed a lot about the future, and we plan on having a lot of children, not only because we are catholic (haha) but because we want a big family. If I was an only child of an interracial couple i would not be mad at them for having me, but for not having other children. By having an only child that is “different” races is kind of singling that kid out, putting him in a world where they have no one to relate to.
I am not saying that you would be impressed with my relationship because you shouldn’t. I am just trying to clarify my last post, and try to understand how to improve my children’s lives. (you might suggest not having children at all)
Again, thanks for responding so quickly and happy new years!
This is interesting. I’m Japanese, Chinese, German and Russian (both my parents are Eurasian). I’ve never experienced what it feels like to have one parent act more White or such, but I do know what you’re talking about because I have a Eurasian friend who acts so White. Her dad is White so she clings onto her White side and acts White and forgets her Asian side. I notice many Eurasians regardless of their mother or father being Asian, will usually dismiss their Asian side altogether. You’re also right about a Eurasian having an Asian dad and being popular. My senior year the homecoming queen had a Chinese dad and she was also ASB President. It’s funny how you’re so correct with these things. One thing I also notice is that most, if not all, Eurasians tend to date only White people. I’ve only dated 1 White male in my life and I truly don’t care for it. I like Eurasian males more so but most only go for White girls. Interesting.
eurasian girl here. More specifically, the offspring of an af/wm relationship….
I feel I have much more in common with your experience as an Eurasian male as I do with many of my Eurasian sisters.My teen years were filled with so much confusion and inner turmoil and self hatred and anger at society. I still feel the same way now, but I’m more highly functioning/better at hiding it.I’ve never bought into the whole exotic beauty/best of both worlds bs….and I feel I’ve had hell to pay as a result.People get angry because they want me to smile and be “exotic”, whatever that means and luv me some white men long time. they roll their eyes and tell me to shut up when I talk about the racism I’ve encountered or how angry and sad it makes me that my white father would tell me that he only wanted me to date white men, while simultaneously being married to my asian mother and joking about how he expected my brother to bring home a Japanese wife.
I’ve never allowed myself to benefit from the phucked up gender inbalanced way in which western society views Asians which, on the surface seems to benefit and deify asian women (when really it dehumanises them) and simultaneously emasculate and destroy the
psyches of Asian men. I’ve been verbally and even physically assaulted as a result and sometimes I wonder if I should just give up and play the part of the half Asian sex doll; happy to catch the eye of the white man, not complaining, being willfully ignorant to the psychological damage being done , and trying to convince myself that I am indeed exotic and the best of both worlds. But then again, I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did that either. I think, deep down inside, the Asian and Eurasian women who choose to benifit from the gender imbalance DO know what is going on. I think they try to convince themselves that they really are the white man’s prize . I used to get really angry when I’d hear Asian girls saying things such as “(insert race here) girls are jealous of me cuz white guys love Asian girls” But the truth is, the girl who says this is horribly, terribly insecure. And deep down inside, she KNOWS she , just like her Asian brother is also the victim of racism and that really she is no better than her Asian brother who western society views as an emasculated doormat.
I’ve only met a Eurasian male in “real life” once , and he hated my guts. He hated me because he thought I bought into the “best of both worlds” “exotic beauty” “honorary white via the white man’s pants” bs. I suppose because in my day to day life I’m fairly good at smiling, being polite, and appearing to be a person who doesn’t struggle with any sort of inner turmoil.But believe me, many of us eurasian females are very self aware and we have our struggles too!
I’ve always been very attracted to Eurasian and Asian males but as hapalady above me said, Eurasian and Asian males (eurasian males
especially, from what I’ve seen from the net and the one encounter I’ve had irl) seem only attracted to white girls.
Your blog is great and I really hope that it opens up the eyes of people who are disillusioned into thinking raising a mixed race child, especially a Eurasian child is going to be easy peasy and not so different from raising a white child. It always amuses me how many people seem to think raising a biracial black white child is an incredible struggle yet simultaneously think that raising an Eurasian child will be a piece of cake as they’ve somehow gotten it into their heads that we eurasians will blend in seemlessly into white western society.There’s a plethora of resources out there for future parents of mulatto kids but very few and nearly none save for this blog, choptensils and a few other blog posts that educate future Eurasian parents on the realities of raising mixed race kids. One of the most telling things my mother ever said was “I thought you’d grow up to be just like any other Canadian because you’re a native English speaker and have big
eyes….but you ended up being more Asian than me” (after I came
to her crying about an incident I had with a police officer)
Anyone who reads this blog and wants to have interracial sex without any regard for their future children, and no desire to do any sort of real self examination and soul searching to see if they are fit to be a parent of a mixed race child is a selfish jerk. I understand many people are ignorant ( sometimes willfully so) but those who have read your blog which so clearly and graphically spells out for them why they need to be accountable for their future children and still choose to “phuck away without caring” are truely selfish jerks.
One slight critique however is that I have personally been objectified by wf in am/wf relationships. I’ve had wf strangers come up to me, stare at me and begin to play the ethnic guessing game. I’ve also seen forums where white mothers go on about how “all mixed babies are cute” or “grow up to be gorgeous” ….I suppose in their case it’s true since they are wf/am….but still. I’ve witnessed online arguments in forums where Eurasians have tried to educate wf mothers or mothers to be of mixed race children on why the “mixed people are all gorgeous” stereotype hurts us and they refused to listen, were obstinate, and proceeded to get upset at the eurasians trying to do the educating and insist that they were right . I’ll try to find the link for you if I can if you are interested. Unfortunately this is not something I’ve only witnessed in forums. maybe I’m just bitter coz I’m the ugly, bitter product of af wm coupling lol….sad but true?, maybe?
anyway, take care
Dude, nice blog you have here. You should go public and try to raise awareness regarding this issue and your mixed background means you are uniquely positioned to do so. Pure Asian males who try to talk about WM/AF couples are often derided as jealous or having some personal problems (insecure/ugly/etc) rather than being heard to. I’m sure that most Asian males would support you. AM are being oppressed everyday but no one is doing anything about it because half their population are traitors.
Already any attempts to talk about this WM/AF issue are being shut down by Asian women from within. Go to any Asian issues related website and they have a term coined by Asian Women to refer to any topic related to WM/AF. They call such topics the ‘Asian Godwin’s Law’. This is to effectively shut down any discussion on this.
We’ve had enough with pussyfooting around the issue. Let’s just call them out on what they truly are. Asian women are traitors. They always want their cake and eat it. How can they say their enjoy their Asian heritage but then date and marry a white man at the same time? How can you enjoy something but oppress the very people that created that something. Are they sadistic? They might say it’s their personal choice but in truth even personal choices affect the people around you. Do they know what kind of stereotypes/oppression they are contributing to when they date a white man? And if you haven’t considered how your choice might affect your brothers/father/uncle/sons, then you’re a horrible human being.
Please continue posting. I’ve seen that you’ve stopped for a while. I think your blog will really raise awareness on the cruel situation in America. Thanks.
Dude, you need to take a trip to Asia, live there for a couple months, or even for a few years because right now you are really fucked in the head. Eurasian guys are really popular in Asia so this should eventually give you a better appreciation for being mixed. A lot of movie stars and models in Asia are Eurasian too! So get your sorry ass their ASAP!
Man, I wish I could just sit down with you and talk this shit out. I’m a white guy (30) with an asian wife (27). Met her in China actually. I taught English there for two years. You probably hate me already.
In fact the hatred is probably simmering. I get it.
But we’re not all bad. We’ve been married for four years. We’re planning on having kiddos. I really hope they don’t hate us. I do think my wife focuses WAY too much on race (she’s always talking about how she can’t wait to have kids because she wants to see how “cute” they will be–implying that mixed asian/white is the reason). I roll my eyes whenever she says that. Kids are more than just cute things. They take massive amounts of responsibility. I hope she grows up a bit and realizes that. She’s definitely going to be a “tiger mom” or whatever (by that I just mean she will be strict and make our kid do his/her homework). But she will also be a loving, caring, nurturing, etc. mommy.
Anyway, I try not to think of us as a “WM/AF couple.” I want us to be (and I think of us as) just a “couple.” I try to look past race, which is easy. It’s culture that is difficult to look past. My wife has a different culture than I do. I try to embrace it instead of resisting it. She does the same. We both live our own cultural ways, but we make consolations to the other’s culture. I hope you can try to see past all this WM/AF-AM/WF race stuff. Focusing on race so much is just going to get you frustrated through life.
I can understand its hard when people constantly ask you what your ethnicity is. I actually have a similar situation because although I am “white,” my skin is slightly darker than other white people. I have some Cherokee blood somewhere down the line, which is likely the reason. Anyway, I get asked my ethnicity sometimes (not as much as you I am sure). Try to take it in stride. People are generally stupid, and you are keenly aware of it. Just understand it and move on.
I enjoyed reading your stuff. Keep it going. I bookmarked it. Maybe I can get my wife to read it and understand that there are people like you out there that she should come to know.
You’ve dug yourself a hole. Imagine a house slave preferring to have children with her master rather than reproduce with the field slaves. Essentially, that’s what you have. You’re probably blinded by her devotion to you. She’s so grateful her white prince came to China to deliver her from the tyranny of the yellow man. Not only do you offer her a western life but children with wide eyes and wavy hair as well. She must feel very lucky. However, your rolling of the eyes when she mentions children means you are awakening to the truth. You’ve chained yourself to a monster.
You are wrong. How can you even begin to act like you know what she is like when you haven’t even met her? Your comment is insulting, degrading, and it displays your ignorance. This stereotyping shit is going too far.
White women who have a fetish for Asian men are just as bad, if not worst. They hold themselves out as being holier than though and morally superior because they have chosen an Asian man. They show off about it to everybody they meet, waiting eagerly for the gasps of surprise and shower of praise for being so ‘different’ and being so ‘brave’. They hate other Asian and Eurasian women. They love to portray themselves as being colour blind and completely non-racist and enlightened, and use their Asian husband and mixed children as ‘proof’ of this, yet they are often very racist. They sit there smugly in their ‘whiteness’, proclaiming to all the world that they chose an Asian man over a white man and wanting the whole world to congratulate them for being so ‘different’ and ‘unique’. No better than the white men with Asian fetishes who go for Asian women but look down on Asian men. And i agree with imnotracist Bgillin seems to have good intentions but he has chained himself to a monster, the worst kind of Asian woman. Any one involved in a mixed relationship, of whatever gender, should have alarm bells ringing if the other partner gets overly excited about having ‘cute’ mixed kids. Kids are not handbags. Not all mixed kids are cute. Some are. Some purebloods are cute. Some are not.
imnotrascist and anyonhasayoo,
I’ve noticed that a lot of monoracial/monoethnic people have difficulty differentiating between different races/ethnicities and will often mistake Eurasian people for being full White. Many Asians themselves even have difficulty telling apart Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese when they themselves are East Asian while I can do this usually almost instantaneously (as a mixed person). This is why you don’t realize the true benefit of having children of mixed-race. If you could examine a person’s characteristics as specifically as some, if not many, mixed people can… you would realize that a lot of celebrities in Asia AND America look a little bit mixed. They may have facial features that are not typical of their race/ethnicity. They may be Whites of darker complexion, eye, and hair color. Ever notice how most actors in Hollywood have darker hair and eyes? Quite a few are also part Native American or are a mixture of many many different European ethnicities rather than just one or two. Likewise, a lot of Asian celebs look a little white whether they claim to be 1/8 English or Portuguese, or are known as just being Chinese. Take a closer look, there are wide variations in the Chinese phenotype depending on whether the person is from Northern China, Western China, or Southern China. Taiwan and Japan had their own original natives who looked somewhat Polynesian or Southeast Asian. So if you look closely at some so-called Taiwanese or Japanese you may be able to see that they do look a little mixed with Polynesian and/or Southeast Asian. There has been a lot of mixing in the past and without it we would have a harder time marrying each other since we would be so incredibly pure blooded that we would all find each other to be very weird and ugly-looking. This would be a problem since slowed population growth can be detrimental to a country’s economy. It is through intermixing in the past that people around the world can find more commonalities in appearance so as to be more tolerant of each other’s looks (so we wouldn’t all look like space aliens to each other). This is a new theory I’ve come up with recently.
I know a lot of Asian guys prefer Asian women and are troubled by the increasing number of White men dating Asian women. However, there is a positive to this. A lot of Eurasian guys are marrying Asian women so their daughters would be 3/4 Asian and 1/4 White. I’m sure a lot of half Hispanic and half Asian guys are also marrying Asian women so their daughters would be 3/4 Asian and 1/4 Hispanic. Don’t you like Asian women w/ a little extra flavor/spice? Truth be told, a lot of Asian women in the media are in fact descendents of mixed marriages so you should be welcoming the mixing of the genes since that will mean more Asian chicks who will look like models/actresses in the future. I know a lot of East Asian guys like Asian chicks with big eyes, fair skin, and big boobs. Truth be told, these features are a result of mixing with Russians, Turks, Jews, Brits, Portuguese, etc.
Likewise, I think a lot of White guys like White chicks who have a little Native American or Asian in them. This is why a lot of White guys like Scandinavian and Russian women who tend to have some Asian features and a little bit of an Asian tan (and less freckles). Just like milk, mixing does the body good.
I don’t hate people of mixed race. I hate rapists, but I don’t hate children born from rape. They say a lot of people can trace their ancestry back to Genghis Khan and the reason for that being that he and the Mongols raped their way across Asia and Eastern Europe. I’m an Asian man who dislikes Asian women who prefer the white man over their Asian brothers. An Asian woman who prefers having mixed race children hates herself and her brothers.
bgillin, why do you think that stuffeurasianmales like, myself, and other eurasians who “focus on race” do so? It’s because society forces us to focus on it day in day out. Despite what you may think, most of us don’t have the privilege to just “forget about it”. It’s not just being asked about our backgrounds that we encounter. It’s bullying, it’s not understanding why people hate you, accuse you of being a criminal and look at you with distrust and suspicion , it’s the bufoonish sexual stereotypes ( emasculated if you are a man, semen receptacle who is easily replaced by “any other oriental” if you’re a woman)…I think it is very important to learn about race in order to help your children navigate through a racist world. But I wholeheartedly agree with imnotracist and anehaseyo.Your wife is giving off major warning signs. If your kids don’t look white enough or “cute enough” in her eyes (she may not even explicitely state this, but trust me, children are intuitive and we do “catch vibes”…and often these sentiments bubble up during arguments. They have in my family) then disaster is going to break loose. I know my parents were sorely disappointed in how I turned out looking and it’s greatly
contributed to my feelings of worthliness in addition to the fact that
society at large also deems people like myself as worthless.
I also agree with anyonhaseeyo in that I have had some very negative interactions with white women who fetishize Asian men. I was shocked that these women felt free to assign racist stereotypes towards me, and also treat me with coldness, disrespect, and discuss and critique my physical features in a racist manner with their partner when they thought I was not able to hear them ( I always feel like saying “your future kids might resemble me” in response to that). I also found from my experiences with white women who fetishize Asian men both irl and online is that often they make subtle racial remarks that serve to put them “above” their Asian partner or spouse….almost as if they are in the relationship because they enjoy the power and control they get to hold in the relationship as a result of their partner being a racialized “other”…..also, spot on about the ” congradulate me” attitude”. I have noticed it as well. Often it’s as if these women are begging for me to disapprove of
their relationship.
That’s not to say all wf/am relationships are like this. I know one really lovely couple and I think they will make fantastic parents and I consider them dear friends.
bgillin
I see you are outraged. But, don’t be mad at me for pointing out what’s obvious to every Asian man. You’re the one who’s ignorant.
Leslie,
I know what its like to be a minority. I lived in China for 2 years. You know what percentage of people in China are not Chinese? Go live in a homogeneous Asian country for a couple years, then talk to me about race. I’m guessing you would be more of a side show in China than you are in the U.S. People there would constantly bug you about your race. Seriously, you need to go live there to gain some perspective.
About my wife, you people know nothing about it. I had to convince her to leave China. She’s not “grateful to her white prince” or anything like that. A statement like that reveals that you are really young and are still trying to find your identity. I think if you actually knew us, you would say, “I know one really lovely couple [wm/af couple] and I think they will make fantastic parents and I consider them dear friends.” Unfortunately you’d probably judge us even before giving us a chance.
Are you serious? Two years living in a foreign country and you understand what mixed people are going through?? Mate, I am 30 years old and eurasian. I never felt like I belonged IN MY OWN COUNTRY! Is that a problem you understand? We are not talking about living and working for two years in a foreign country here.
bgillin,
Leslie is a woman caught between two races, dealing with rejection from both. You want to compare your two year excursion in China to her experience? I’m sure you felt uncomfortable in China. Lots of people stared at you. Maybe you were disgusted with them; their eating habits and their hygiene. But,at any time you could easily escape your situation by quitting your job. Leslie can’t. She’s got to look in the mirror and deal with her parents everyday.
I admit, I don’t know your wife, but you already know that. So, whatever I say about her is not personal. I’m using her as an example of the kind of woman we Asian men hate. I would advise not posting on the internet anymore if you have such thin skin.
while I’m attracted to all races, I prefer Spanish and Asian myself since I like dark hair, dark eyes and their petite height and shapes and they tend to love my blond hair, blue eyes, height and physique too..so it works out well both ways.
There are gorgeous and hot women of every race, but overall most people in the world do find Asian women to be very attractive with their gorgeous, shiny, long dark hair and beautiful tan skin.
This is far more common for women than men. Men can’t STAND rejection, why do you think the common idea of a man sitting at the end of bar checking out some hot girl that he is SO hot for, but even more afraid of getting rejected by… then he sits there for hours trying to psyche himself up to go and talk to her, at the end of the night he goes home and never said a word, is pissed and infuriated at himself for not talking to her, says he’s never going to let it happen again, then the next night when he see’s another hot girl, he repeats the same pattern over and over again.
It’s because men are so afraid of being rejected that they’d rather not even bother trying than to try and possibly succeed, but more than likely not succeed.
Women don’t understand how it is for men at all in this or anything else. A man MUST play a numbers game when trying to get a girl into bed or get a gf because even guys who are players who end up with 3-4 numbers a night, got rejected 20-30 times that night. But their few successes make it worth the 20-30 rejections. They learn through experience NOT to take the rejections seriously and to know that in time they’ll get a few numbers. Then of those 3-4 he might get a date with one or two and out of those two, 1 might end up getting naked for him or being his GF if he’s looking for an LTR.
Women get turned on by rejection because you are all challenge whores and LOVE the man that rejects you that you can’t have because you take his disinterest as power, strength, control and want to, as usual, try and change him and see if you can MAKE him get interested in you.
You also love it because of a woman’s inherent deep insecurities. This is the same reason why women go for men that treat them like shit time and time again, because you go out with men who treat you the way that your feeling tell you that you DESERVE to be treated. This is the same reason why men who are rude to you, make snide put downs, backhanded compliments, don’t call when they say they’ll call and the like turn women on, because you view that as strength, as him being independent, not clingy or needy.
Women LOVE men that ignore them, push them away either physically or verbally telling you to get lost, etc.
More and more guys are figuring out that fucked up backwards nature of women, despite being told for the past 60 years of bullshit feminism that women are just as smart, logical, capable and the like as men…bull!!
Men have followed the “the nicer you are to her, the more she’ll fall in love with you” bullshit advice for decades and have clearly seen, after millions of divorces and ruined families and lives, hundreds of millions of men being rejected because they treat a woman nice and were not mean enough to her, just how fucked up women are, especially in relation to men because that is how men view these kind of psychological short circuits that you describe here.
I have gotten more gf’s and more sex ignoring, rejecting and walking away from women in the middle of conversations or just banging out in the end of date than I ever did being nice to her, calling when I said I’d call, being patient, not making fun of her, putting her down from time to time, ignoring her,etc.
Women love the bad boy abusers and while many women hate the idea of a man treating another woman like that, nearly all of you are guilty of the exact same behavior yourself, so save the arguments and rejections and accept yourself for how you are.
Asians and Whites are two sides of the same coin.
Asian girls, due to their culture and their intelligence, give more importance to the ability to provide of a man than White girls.
But between a very ugly rich man and a very poor handsome man, they will make the same decision Whites would do.
Stop dreaming, ugly nerds! 😮
And I’ve noticed in my travels that Japanese and Chinese girls, due to economic prosperity and working females, have become more and more like Ashley, Brooke and Samantha.
What then equals status for sub-Asian girls? Penis size? Asian girls are genetically programmed to like nerds because Asian girls are more highly evolved, and thus select for high IQ and family stability, rather than primitive traits like muscles and testosterone.
Asian men aren’t all that buff, manly, or alpha. And to be crude, they have smaller dicks. Even nerdy white guys seem alpha by contrast.
Asian women also have higher IQ (ability to choose providers over gina tingles) and if they are from the poor countries providers are really high status.
Until recently they also had no understanding of feminism.
”Asian men aren’t all that buff, manly, or alpha.”
Which is why Asian women reject them at a higher rate that would be expected considering they are from the same stock.
This may be true for FOB and first generation Asian American girls but it’s becoming less and less common. You only need to ask Asian guys how miserable the dating scene is for them. That signals to me that it’s more about culture than race. Which is why I don’t believe south/east asians will take over America. Once the hordes of new immigrants stop arriving they will descend into the same cultural trap as white kids. Video games and alpha cock riding will replace calculus and female chastity.
Black and Latin men are the future of the male gender. These races have evolved for female mating preferences; height, athleticism, violent temper, dancing skill, basically traits that make civilization sexy, sexy, sexy, but often poor and primitive.
So “white don juan” you basically personify what the original bloggers were talking about.. you are arrogent and white. And what makes you think even “nerdy white guys seem alpha by contrast”. I am both Asian and nerdy but years in the Army reserve as a grunt have changed that too so I know I can outfuck and outfight any “nerdy white guy”. I can actually hold a conversation with a woman better than one of your “nerdy white” alpha males. Your arrogence and dating preferences are an exaply of your ignorance and insecurity not mentioned the brain washed nature of society.. thanks for justifying this entire blog..
I just made a video based on your blog. I re-read some of your statements over again. I really despise hapas like you. The ones who only date White people with blonde hair and shun Asians. You’re INSANE to think that only White people are attractive. I’ve seen tons of Asian women who are even more gorgeous than White women. You should really go to a psychiatrist.
there’s nothing wrong with having a preference, but it is creepy when someone only goes for white people to try and “outwhite” other people.
I know you don’t like what I have to say and I don’t agree with you either. I made a video response to your blog. You probably won’t like what I have to say but check it out “Guy Hates Being Hapa+Meetup?!”
@Cephascjy: Maybe he didn’t only go for White people. Maybe the father only happened to marry an Asian but dated other races before. We don’t know. The blogger didn’t state whether or not his father had only dated Asians.
Actually, we do know. He says in It all started with April Wilkner from America’s Next Top Model, “But as far as I can tell, my dad dated plenty of white and latina girls before mom. And I’m not sure if he even dated ANY Asian girls before her. Mom on the other hand, I know less about, but I have the sneaking suspicion she dated only white men in America. And an abnormally high percentage of her friends and family seem to end up with white men”
So he really only hates sellout Asian women who only date white men.
Are you just upset that he only likes white women? Because in your first comment here, you said,”I like Eurasian males more so but most only go for White girls. Interesting.” And then in your third last comment, you told him how you “really despise hapas like you. The ones who only date White people with blonde hair and shun Asians.”
Nothing wrong with having a preference, lots of Asian women only go for White people with blonde hair and shun Asians.
I can relate to you so much it makes me wish I knew you in person, & we can talk about these things. Though I’m a wm/aw female & can’t relate entirely to you being of the other gender in that situation, I can however understand. Unlike you I internalise these feelings & keep my opinions to myself. Being mixed is often so glorified. Most of the time, I just wish I were either one or the other.
@CEphascjy: Well as far as he knows his father only dated Hispanic and Caucasian. No I don’t hate hapas who only date White people. People have said I’m a “sellout” for going on dates with White people. What I DO NOT like is the fact that he has no desire to explore other races of women.
ALSO I do dislike when people only go for one specific nationality. I know people have the right to like only one thing, but people should branch out and date other nationalities. I am not lying when I say that the one rejection from a guy I’ve faced in my life has been from a hapa male who blatantly said he didn’t like me because I was hapa and not full Asian OR full White. From then on I started disliking people as a whole who shunned certain nationalities for stupid reasons. He disliked hapas because he felt that female hapas were mean and only dated White males, when obviously that wasn’t the case with me.
Well I actually take back what I said wwen I said “I hate hapas who only date White people”. I hate when hapas (and people in general) only date one race and never branch out. The people who only date one race and never branch out to other races are doing so for the wrong reason. Why would you only stick to one race your whole life and never branch out? Why wouldn’t you explore other races? There are underlying reasons as to why you only stick to one race and those underlying reasons are usually not good.
I don’t see you calling out Asian women who only go for white men the same way you confront him. And they’re doing the exact same thing.
I agree that his preference for white women could be shady, but this completely isn’t what this blog is about.
This blog is about his feelings toward Asian women who exclusively date white men. And look how many other hapas agree with him and who are suffering because of these women! There’s even one who just commented about how she wishes she wasn’t hapa right above you, Kita (@dorianland).
Your video paints him as a troll, and alienates other hapas who feel the same way.
And have you ever considered why he is closed to dating Asian women? Maybe he’s seen enough of what they’ve been doing (all mentioned in the blog) to be turned off them for the rest of his life.
Yes, he constantly gushes over white beauty, but maybe he’s also open to (which is completely different from having a preference for) latinas, blacks and South Asians but never mentioned it in his blog?
What’s more disturbing; an Asian woman who only dates white men, or an Asian woman who only dates Asian men?
Honestly? Both. I’m a full blooded Asian male and I’ve always felt there was something incomplete about Asian women. Like SEML, my mother tried to Tiger Mom me and was verbally abusive, so I’ve always been wary of them. It’s funny that the first time I decided to look online to test my opinions, I found this blog.
I guess it’s also a stroke of luck that I’ve never found them physically attractive either.
I’ve also always been suspicious of the stereotypes of mixed people. Growing up I noticed that Eurasians tend to occupy the extreme ends of the beauty spectrum, with most being on the ugly end. I think it could be a result of the multiculturalism ilk that has brainwashed stupid, less attractive folk into thinking that having kids with someone outside your race is a ticket to having offspring better looking/smarter than themselves. It’s not just the mix, but the original components of that mix.
I’ll probably marry a non-Asian, but I’m under no illusions that whoever my children are, they might very well face difficulties associated with their racial identity. I think it’s crucial to educate yourself about race, whether or not you intend on having mixed kids, since everyone’s racist. And this blog has helped me a great deal in that regard.
That is not to say I despise all Asian women, I respect good people not matter what their race. But I will test an Asian woman more than another individual in any given situation.
imnotracist, thank you VERY much for sticking up for me in response to bgillin. to be honest I came here a few days ago and read bgillin ‘s reply and I guess it might be because I’m an overly sensitive person or because his response reminded me so much of what my gaijin father has said to me before so I was pretty hurt . I bit my tongue for a bit in order to muster up a (at least somewhat) level headed post.
@bgillin :First off, I do not live in the US. I live in Canada, in what is considered to be the most “redneck” city in Canada.I have also spent much of my life living in, and working in rural areas, oftentimes where nobody has ever even encountered an Asian person in their life.
i went to highschool with kids who went “nippertipping”(please look up nippertipping on urban dictionary) for fun. In middle school I was one of three non white kids. The most popular boy in my class would go off on rants about how Asians were “flat faced gooks” and were “the ugliest creatures” he would even bring black people into his racist tirades saying that “even n****** were more civilized” etc. Pretty much all of my classmates would laugh and agree. One time my math teacher even interjected during one of these racist tirades and began recounting a story of an “Asian man” who was slurping noodles at a local restaurant. My math teacher went on about how disgusting this “Asian man” was.
High school was a little better. A bit more diversity but still highly divided and racially segregated.
Also, as a Eurasian person I don’t only recieve racism for being percieved as Asian. I am often percieved as being of first nations decent. Where I live, fist nations people are treated horribly. the most hurtful instances of racism I’ve faced were times when I was mistaken as being first nations by people who held hateful attitudes towards first nations people. I’ve been called a “dirty chug” being told that I am “wasting taxpayer’s money” is a regular occurence and had my classmated yell out “squaw” in a high pitched crow’s voice over and over whenever they would see me. I’ve also had to deal with law enforcement as a result of being mistaken for being first nation’s. Plus many other things. But I do not want to turn this into a sobfest, and I know I am blessed and incredibly lucky and priveledged in that I can go home to a financially stable, safe home after dealing with those things and that it is nothing compared to the systematic racism that many real first nations people face….I just wanted to bring up this aspect of the eurasian experience. The fact that perception often dictates what kind of experience Eurasians and other mixed people will face and that it could very well be a looming reality that your future children will face racism not just for being eurasian, but for looking like another race as well. I have heard from Eurasians in the US that they have faced racism as a result of anti hispanic sentiment, as many eurasians look hispanic.
Secondly, I have lived in a racially homogenous country. I spent several of my schoolyears as a child in Japan. some of that time was spent in international schools, and some were spent in “normal” Japanese public school. My mother actually transferred me into international school because of the bullying I was facing. Yes, I was made fun of for my eyes, my body shape. I was told I looked strange etc. yes I was stared at. But to me it was NOTHING, not anywhere near as dehumanising and hurtful as my experiences in Canada.This is because whenever I would look at a magazine, women with “strange eyes” like mine were looking back at me. when I would go to the cosmetics counter at the department store with my mum, the ladies working at the store would often make a wistful comment about my physical appearance despite the fact I am nothing special (and I DONOT say that to be modest. there is absolutely nothing more special about me as a haafu over a pure Asian or anybody of any other race) even as a child, I realised I had some privelege as a result of being half white. I often relate my bullying in Japan to what a white child may go through at a majority african american and hispanic school. Sure, the bullying sucks….but at the same time, the priveledge of being what society deems “good”, “normal” and “attractive” acts as insulation. It is nowhere near the sting of being bullied for being what society deems as “less than”….
bgillin, I apologise if I got too personal about the comments about your wife and speculating about things. I realise that that was wrong of me. However, I felt compelled to comment because, I felt my mother felt the same way as your wife,about the whole “mixed kids are cute” thing. I KNOW I did not turn out looking the way my mother wanted.IKNOW she wanted me to have hair a little lighter, wavier etc…. It hurts me so incredibly much to know this and I do not want your future children to feel this pain like I feel. I reacted on emotion and I am sorry. I also felt compelled to comment because I felt your comment was condescending and dismissive of the blog
owner’s experiences. I am sorry.
I do not seethe in anger whenever I see a wm/af couple on the street. I am not a hateful person. I would be lying if I didn’t question their motives or genuineness as a couple for a fleeting moment as they pass by….but it is not as if I glare them down. I do think wm/af does have a tendancy to be problematic, and like the blog owner, I do think and wonder about my parent’s relationship often. My relationship with my parents is very strained right now. It causes me far too much to interact with them in any meaningful way right now. My father becomes irate whenever race is mentioned. he seems to not care about any minority person unless said minority person is an af who is not overweight. My mother is generally well meaning but flustered and does not understand why white people do not accept me and feel I am “white enough”…..(she doesn’t even consider the possibility that I do not wish to be white)she has even suggested I dye my hair blonde in the past as a viable solution =/. I do not hate my parents. But I will not lie and say that the topic of race is not something that has constantly been seeething and bubbling for years.
I cannot be a judge of what kind of parents you will be to your future eurasian child/children beyond what I’ve gathered from your words that you have offered here. I am sorry for being blunt. But I feel, for the sake of your future children that I cannot sugarcoat my response to you for your benefit. Based on what you have written here, I do not think you are ready to raise Eurasian children unless you
confront the topic of race and are willing to listen. Perhaps you read
my posts and think I am “nuts” that I’m just “some psycho” on the
internet and that thankfully, there is no way your children will turn
out like me etc…I am sorry for being rude and I am sorry for coming across judgemental. I am sure that both you and your wife will love and adore your children and do your best to provide for them. But sometimes love is not enough….
when I wrote “white prince” I did not mean it in terms of a financial saviour. I meant it in that white seems to be seen an what is “good” “attractive” to a certain faction of asian women who are very relevant to many of the posts this blog owner makes. the “cute mixed kids” comment led me to believe your wife felt this way. I am sorry to have crossed the line.
I also wanted to bring something else up. Is that, one thing that bothered me very much growing up is that, from a very young age (about 10,11 years old) people began to assume I was my father’s girlfriend/wife whenever I would go somewher in public with him. It led to a lot of mean(and very sexist! ad sometime highly perverted) comments being directed my way.I stopped going anywhere with my father from that age. My father never thought it was a big deal and would yell at me for refusing to go places with him. But I felt the embarassment was unbearable. I just felt I would bring this up because I feel many future parents of eurasian kids (especially wm/af) don’t really consider these sorts of things before diving into it all…..
I read your comments, and can identify with a lot of it.. it is amazing how people can judge you based on what they think you are or type cast you as. The hardest thing is grow up in a country and be immersed in it (as a native) and still feel like a foreigner..
also, @worldtravellor2asia….I’m quite upset by your post. I feel as if you are fetishizing mixed race people (as a mixed person yourself?). what about those of us who do not get to reap those so called benefits you go on and on about. I mean, the blog owner doesn’t seem to feel he has benefitted in the way you seem to think mixed race people do. I sure as heck haven’t benefitted…..
Ad me to the list of hapas who wished they were monoracial please. I’m shaking my head at the amount of dismissiveness simply because some Asian mixed CElEBRITIES seem to have it made. Their experiences and their physical appearances do not reflect those of the average eurasian person.
Leslie, worldtravellor2asia is a male. Life is pretty good for a male hapa residing in Asia and who loves Asian women. Since you’re a woman, you’re not going to share his jubilation. That being said, I do believe that you may be happier if you live amongst Asians rather than amongst whites. You might see being a hapa as being like a glass half full rather than half empty. And, judging from your full name (using your mother’s maiden name?) you seem to be embracing your Asian side. Like the blogger, you are championing what society regards as your lesser half. I applaud you.
Hi Leslie, I feel a lot of sympathy for your Hapa experience. The part about nipper tipping makes my blood boil. But please don’t stop posting. And don’t apologize for speaking your mind.
Your posts really opened my mind to the reality of most WMAF, and I believe they will educate a lot more people out there.
I had meant to write to you after reading your first comment, but never knew what to say.
I guess I still don’t, except to say that Eurasians like yourself are not alone and that you have a right to feel as you do.
There are people who care about Hapa issues like those you have and SEML has, myself being one of them. There’s a guy who makes videos on youtube, icysparks2007, too. We will work to make sure your voices are heard.
Dude, I’ll be really honest with you. It’s all about your attitude and your “look”. You need to start going to the gym and working out and build some muscle and some confidence once you have a more “alpha” demeanor you will get girls. Asian guys that act like normal bros and work out and watch sports do fine. I’m a white dude, but I was a complete dork no woman really wanted me I was beta as fuck then I started lifting weights and socializing and drinking and watching UFC and shit and acting more macho and girls love it. You’re in a vicious cycle because you keep on looking at stats and genetics and you think you’re doomed, but you just need to man up and earn that fucking respect you need get stronger and tell jokes and go out and drink with bros and hit on chicks, eventually you will get it and all this race, hapa shit won’t even be a second thought you will just be a man not a hapa man. I seriously hope you consider what I’m saying and don’t dismiss your plight as hopeless, and if you want a more detailed strategy I would love to help you. Seriously man I know I don’t understand the Hapa shit, but I’m telling you the overriding factor is alpha/beta once you start acting confident and working out your testosterone will get a huge boost and girls will think you are the shit.
Wahoo16 just because you lift weights and are jacked does not mean you will get girls. I’m 5’6″ 160 lbs, lift 225 lbs bench x 4 reps, 90 lb dumbbells x 8 reps, 400 lbs sumo deadlift (these are maxes) and I am slightly above average in the face department. I train Kyokushin Karate and have won 2 of my 4 fights by Ko and I’ve trained Muay Thai/BJJ/wrestling (MMA or what some people like you call “UFC”) But no girl around here has shown any serious interest. Why? Because I’m in America. Doesn’t matter if you are jacked. If you are Asian and/or short most will automatically write you off or friendzone you. The funny thing is that I’ve skyped/met Russian women (some were exchange students) and they were all over me. They also respected the idea that I have the self control not to drink, though I also do it because I don’t want a bad liver and drinking alcohol lowers your testosterone. The issue is hollywood media stereotyping designed to emasculate Asian men and create a culture that shuns us and to brainwash Asian women to hate us. And since women are not very intelligent and easily manipulated by the media, most Asian women fall for the hollywood bullshit. And so you can look around you and see all the Asian women who chase after white men, even the ones in Asia. Plus all women are attention whores and/or gold diggers by nature. That’s why they gravitate towards the race of men with the most perceived status. And in this case, it is white guys and to a certain extent black guys because of the BBC myth.
Alpha beta crap will not work either. In one of my street fights, in high school, I beat the crap out of a kid a head taller than me. What happened was not that the girls ended up all over me. No. I was seen as the weird Asian guy who knows martial arts and will beat the crap out of you and should be avoided even though it was that whtie guy that started the fight first (throwing the first punch along with racial slurs). I KOed another guy in my university martial arts club while we were fighting, a bit of an accident, but none of the girls were “miring.” Once you are labeled as strange or an outsider you are never ever admired or “let back into society” and American society doesn’t want Asian men to be a part of it anyways. Doesn’t matter if you stand up for yourself because no matter what you do society is against you. America wants to see all Asian men die out. It’s as simple as that. Just look at the fucking history of this place.
Here is a video that barely covers half of the discrimination Asian American men have endured in the USA.
Hi Chris, I agree that some white male institutions like Hollywood have it out for asian males. But that can/and is changing. There may be more WMAF in number, but they are of underwhelming quality. SEML is right about that.
Observe the calibre of women involved in AMWF relationships: Sarah Gore Lee (daughter of Al Gore and Harvard graduate), Diane Farr (Hollywood actress), Jessica Rudd (Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s daughter), Mirelly Taylor (Hollywood actress married or engaged to Bryan Tee). All are married to East Asian men, and there are many more of that quality.
And SEML is very accurate in his description it seems only to be the worst kind of WM that are attracted to Asian women. Always the Rupert Murdoch sexually null types. Never a sexual, strong male like Brad Pitt. Speaks volumes about the real value of Asian women in American society.
These are only observations, but I believe they would hold true if we took a quantitative look at it all.
So don’t lose hope. It isn’t about KOeing guys or bench-pressing the Statue of Liberty. It’s about showing women that you don’t fit the stereotype. You, as an individual. Welcome the opportunity. You are a fighter, now fight with your head.
Hi, I am an Asian female and you sound pretty attractive to me. Perhaps you should move to the east coast. I know my girlfriends would go for a type like you. I think I’m a slightly above average asian female, but there aren’t exactly many asian guys interested in me either and I am definitely interested in Asians. Just saying that perhaps changing location might help you out. It won’t change society’s stereotype but it might help you out.
Also, as an Asian female who dates Asian guys, I’m still offended by all the mean comments against Asian women who date white guys. Of all the Asian girls in my friend group, only one is dating a white guy and I would never consider her self hating or anything. We just happen to fall in love with who we fall in love with sometimes. It sadden me to think that because the guy she happens to date now is white, people are judging her and calling her a race traitor. I ask that you guys don’t hate on asian women in general.
I know the trend of asian women dating white men may have racist and self hate undertones, but for some people it may not. I mean, when an asian guy dates a white girl – he might just like her. The same can be said for some asian women dating white men. You should direct anger towards those who exclusively date one race, not all of us. I know an Asian guy who is super attractive and dates white girls only because he says they are fairer. So yea, its not like it is only Asian women that do that. When you lash out at asian women in general, it alienates us all. Many readers seem to be saying that Asian women are the worst or are ugly animals or that we are not as good as white women. That is unfair and makes those readers the same as the asian women who only praise white men. Some Asian women are pretty awful, but so are some white women, white men and Asian men. I know a lot of you are just angry and perhaps just venting, but I think it makes us all look bad when we diss on each other.
I hope you will all be able to meet a great person who can truly love you and care for you so that you can say, fuck those other women and men and haters. Because they won’t matter then. Only you matter. Only you and your family and happiness.
I also hope OP finds a loving woman of any race who will listen understand and help calm his mind. Then his pain will subside at least because who cares what racist haters think when you have a loving family. Those Asian girls who only date white men are not worth your time. Date someone who loves you for you. An Asian or white is easy to find. A good person with good morals and a good heart is difficult. Find one and hold on.
Hapalady,
The blogger doesn’t like Asian women because they remind him of his mother. He lays out in great detail why he feels that way and which is the general theme of his blog. Is this concept too incredible for you to understand? If you were gangraped by a group of chinamen I would certainly understand if you became adverse to them. I certainly wouldn’t admonish you for not wanting to date them.
The importance of giving this and similar blogs (and its comments) the spotlight is critical in exposing not only what Eurasians are going through, but what all overseas Asians have to put up with on a daily basis as well … as racism towards Asians are often underreported and ignored.
It is no longer popular to express racism towards Blacks (publicly, at least), so Asians are used to fill the void.
I stumbled upon this blog somehow and the things that you say are extremely offensive to many, many, many groups of people. I was exposed to lots of racism growing up as well, but it’s only when we were children; and children are THE meanest. Yes, these things hurt but you’re supposed to deal with them and become stronger as a person. If anything, those racist beliefs are brought on by under-educated parents who are trying to use race as a scapegoat and don’t teach their children how to take responsibility for their own future. Really, you should feel sorry for their narrow-mindedness. But, I digress… I live in a place where race is not an issue in the slightest, it’s more about personality – white girls love asian guys, many asian girls only date asian guys and halfers (no matter which combination) are basically a hot commodity. I’ve literally NEVER heard of this racism stuff before reading this. So stop whining about this garbage, get some self-confidence and travel around. You are, in actuality, fuelling this circle of racism in your head by hating on whatever you’ve decided to blame your personal faults on now – your asian mother, your white dad, asian women, white men, blahblahblahhhh the stars are not aligned, the sky is too blue, the ocean is too watery… Get a hold of your own life, stop externalizing your problems and put your life on track.
hey eureasian, i really feel you in your posts, some of them make me cry. i really feel your anger and sadness, because i felt the same thing growing up. i am full asian but your blog woke the feelings i tried to bury all these years.
you havent posted a comment or updated a blog in a while, but i hope you will come back because i really relate to you man.
@kittysaysrawr
“only when we were children” “and children are THE meanest”
You’re welcome to speak of your own experiences but it’s extremely rude and flat out wrong to try to speak on behalf of the blog owner’s or anybody else’s experiences.
It was most definitely not only when I was a child and children were not “THE meanest”. I’ve found myself most affected by racism from those in positions of power. Police, school administrators etc. People who can make or break your life easily and who, if they harbour racist sentiments? well, I’ll just say it’s not something you can just easily “laugh off” in that.
I suppose you feel that the emasculation of asian men in the media or anti Asian sentiment about how we’re “stealing jobs from “real” Americans and Canadians that led to Vincent Chin’s death are all just
imagined. Schoolyard taunts can manifest themselves quite violently and imo they shouldn’t be taken as lightly as you feel they should be. I mentioned nippertipping in my post above.I went to school with people who would actively look to violently hurt Asian people.For me to try to take racism lightly in spite of that is impossible and I’m sorry if that offends you or anyone else.I’ve been privy to alot of absolutely disgusting racist talk as a result of not necessarily registering as “Asian” in some people’s eyes(some of it from my white family members!). (though, like the blog owner, I think I look more Asian now than I did when I was younger )
A vietnamese angler from chicago drowned to death as a result of nippertipping and a caucasian Ontario man who was fishing with his
Asian friends is in a coma because of some “childhood fun”
Also, the blog owner is probably a functional , productive member of society and I see nothing wrong with writing a blog on an issue that is not often (actually never, to my knowledge) discussed from the perspective of the eurasian son. Taking on labels that have been bestowed upon Asian and eurasian males by racist white men and Asian women who are the victims of crippling internalized racism does not make him a miserable human being but instead a clever one. I actually think there is a great deal of humour in this blog. The “SEML the movie” post had me laughing my arse off.Maybe he has internalized some of these labels, maybe he sometimes does think he is or wonder if he really is ” the lowest of the low” or what have you.this doesn’t make his points invalid. I remember looking into the mirror as a young girl and wondering if I really was “flat faced” or wondering if I “looked like an alien” etc and I was sad . But despite that I’d like to believe I’m at least a somewhat productive human being, that I’m coping okay and atleast somewhat pleasant to be around in my day to day life and that I don’t rail against racism simply because I use it to “blame my own personal faults” or that I’m
pulling some sort of “card” or what have you.
I also STRONGLY disagree that discussing race is “fuelling the cycle of racism”. Putting your fingers in your ears while telling yourself that race doesn’t exist will not make racism go away. In Canada where I live “multiculturalism” aka colourblindness is the national policy. as a result, there are many people who believe that their love of Pho and butter chicken means they are magically not racist.Many many people of colour living here would beg to differ!
imagined in my head.
@imnotracist I think you put it perfectly with “glass half full” . Although I have no illusions of fitting perfectly into Japanese society or among other Asian ethnicities, I most definitely feel faar more comfortable, more human, happier among other Asian people.
I remember I went to visit Japan for the first time in about ten years and I just about cried because I remember walking down the street and being able to forget about my race for the first time in a very long time.
Yes, I use my mother’s maiden name. I feel very uncomfortable using my father’s last name. I guess I feel like it’s not “me”
@cephascjy
Hi there! thank you for your encouragement. Sometimes I feel a bit embarassed by my comments because they are so emotionally charged and I forget about proper grammer and syntax and completely abandon proper spelling. I also worry that my current or a future employer or my white relatives may come across all this and be disturbed by what I write and affect my future negatively.but I do feel it’s very important to share the realities of being eurasian and I’m glad this blog has given me an outlet to share my experiences as a byproduct of the phenomenon the blog owner discusses here.
My brother is an avid angler and I worry about im alot when it comes to nippertipping even though he is physically strong and a good swimmer. It especially disturbs me that many Asian fishermen are retirees. Most of the kids I went to school with who did it thought they were doing the community a huge favour as they believed all Asian fishermen were “greedy” and overfished/poached etc. It all leaves me feeling really hopeless.
I have to confess that I came across icysparks youtube and the hapaunited youtube after hapalady brought up her video regarding this blog in the comments here. I’m embarassed to admit I created an awfully snarky youtube account as I was a bit hurt by hapalady’s video. Especially her comment about racism no longer existing now that it’s 2012 or something to that effect. I did however enjoy icysparks video and I felt really happy sensing his genuineness on the matter.I left a couple comments on both videos I think and I think I got a bit too personal about my family background and why I feel so uncomfortable around white males . I see that you replied to me via youtube but I forgot my password to the account and perhaps it’s for the best as I created the account when I was very upset. Perhaps I will oneday create a youtube (since writing is most definitely not my forte and it’s so hard to convey sincerity via text) where I talk about being hapa . But I wonder if it would even be woth it because it seems many wm/af couples just sort of bury their heads in the sand in response to SEML …
I meant to write “since many Asian fishermen are retirees” instead of “that many Asian fishermen are retirees” woops
@Leslie N. Yamagishi,
You shouldn’t be embarrassed, the writer himself makes many errors in spelling and grammar, probably for the same reasons as you. What matters is that your points are valid.
Re making Youtube videos on the subject, I wish it had been a video made by you that came out on HapaUnited and not Hapalady, it was an embarrassment for her. She had put her ignorance on full display. In fact, icysparks2007 had sent me a personal Youtube message explaining her position and telling me it was a very honest mistake (she simply did not know about the challenges Asian men face in American society) and while I still have doubts about her claims to full blown ignorance, I have taken him at his word.
But I do have this to say about broaching the subject on Youtube: you must be extra careful when addressing this issue, because judging by the comments on this blog, racist WMAF do not take kindly to anything that decries their deranged fantasies.
You should also write to icysparks2007 about your thoughts on addressing this issue on Youtube, if you are seriously considering going on Youtube about this. He really is a very genuine person, judging by the fact that he bothered to write me a personal message to clear up any misunderstandings I might have had with Hapalady even though he had never even seen my face. I believe he will help you avoid sticky situations and provide advice to the best of his ability.
And even if WMAF do bury their heads in the sand in response to SEML, Eurasians who feel the same way as you, SEML and so many others here will see that they are not alone, and that they do not have to suffer in silence. They have a precious perspective that must be represented. The stupidity of the stereotype of mixed people being beautiful and intelligent and leading charmed lives has to be challenged. One look at the moderators of HapaUnited should make it clear that it isn’t true, and that some are beautiful and some are hideous, just like unmixed people.
Nipper tipping still incenses me. I do hope nothing untoward happens to your brother . But remember, you are not alone. Here is a conversation between Jeremy Lin and Yul Kwon about how our generation of Asian Americans is mobilizing, http://www.asianpacificfund.org/special-events.
White Male alert.
Thanks for the blog.
I found it an interesting read. And while I’m sure part of it is tongue in cheek, I think I can understand your position…
I’m from the UK, and there are not a lot of hapa’s as you say around. I’m not exactly sure, but I would imagine that it would be harder
for a eurasian male than a female in London (not that you want to know, but if I had a son and he were half asian I’d be looking for strong asian male role models.
I’d also be pushing him to be good at football (soccer) / judo. And want him to have strong social skills. But then none of the above might appeal to him.
I mean London is so diverse it might not be hard at all for female Hapas (if they’re attractive).
I thought though that there was a lot of truth in what you said. In the UK, we don’t have many asians but we do have a lot of black / south Asians (indian, bangladesh).
The most common pairing is White female and Black male. Certainly in my teens I felt inferior in some ways, but not at all now. (How… lucky of me).
Women, to a large extent control sexual selection. I’d agree with you there. But what do you propose one can do about it? I really don’t know the answer to that.
Hey, I feel your pain. My Dad is a white loser who picked up a desperate Korean woman 20 years his junior because all the white women back home wouldnt date his pathetic ass. He took it out on me while I was growing up, I feel sorry for him in a way but I also have a deep, dark rage toward him that will never go away. I have literally never met a single person like me during my time in america: White father with an Asian Mother. I really hope you see this, I’d really like to shoot the shit with someone I can finally relate to.
ddvs2012, where the heck do you live bro where you haven’t met any other people with a White father and an Asian mother? My guess is more than 75% of hapa folks have White fathers and Asian mothers while 25% or less have an Asian father and a White mother. You and the owner of this blog need to move your azzes to some of the major cities in California, Hawaii, NYC, or to major metros in Asia ASAP before you commit suicide.
Leslie,I completely understand your story.I had a very similair situation growing up as well,though there were major differences.I’d really love to talk about it more and share experiences.
My understanding is that after two generations in the United States, Northeast Asians tend to intermarry with the white population.
Take as the starting premise that my goal is for the USA to still exist in 100 years, and to be the wealthiest and most powerful country.
Take as a starting premise that the USA can attract immigrants from China and Korea with an average genetic population IQ of 110. That is to say that the mean IQ that these Asian immigrants to the USA revert to over the years is 110.
Accept my premise that in 100 years in the USA those people whose ancestors are from Korea and China will fully intermarry with those people whose ancestors are from Europe. The resulting hybrid population will have an average IQ of 105. Those people will make up much of the elite of the USA.
to me, this outcome for the USA is quite attractive.
Now, I can fully understand that the above scenario is not that attractive to those Asian parents that want to keep their children’s bloodline pure. I can fully understand that the above scenario is not attractive to those whites that want to keep their children’s bloodline pure.
But for the rest of us, really what is the negative to a hybridized genetically high IQ elite for the USA?
Asian women in the U.S. (predominantly Chinese) are systematically marrying WASP men (take a walk in San Francisco or NYC if you don’t believe me)to provide their children with caucasian characteristics. The problem with Asians, primarily the Chinese, is that they advantage themselves of the freedoms and opportunities the US has to offer without giving back.
They systematically evade the law (in business, tax evasion, etc.) and when they attain success they employ the mainland China mentality towards their white subordinates or those they are in transaction with.
For example, Chinese landlords in American cities with a high Chinese population are greedy slumlords and difficult, if not impossible to deal with. The Chinese glob onto government jobs for the benefits and abuse their privileges–lie about income to gain free benefits (it is not uncommon for upper middle class Chinese to lie to acquire food stamps, for example).
The Chinese do not give back to the greater community. They attain success and wealth and basically end up fucking everyone over (their tenants, their employees, etc.), in the same manner that the upper class Chinese fuck over the proles in China. They are very eager participants in American capitalism, yet they retain the worst of Chinese greed in terms of bettering society.
Asian women play up to the submissive stereotypes to attract white men–mainly a certain breed of WASP man who exoticize them and buys into their “act.” Unlike Russian women whose monetary motives are obvious, Chinese women put on a good act. They are reared from childhood to put on this act. Even highly educated Chinese women put on this act (e.g. Amy Chua).
The Chinese will slowly, but surely, take over the US. In cities with increasingly high Asian female, white male couplings, a whole generation of half-breed children is already highly prevalent (e.g. San Francisco).
It’s interesting you mention this. I’ve worried about the same things too. Post-colonial Chinese culture has deteriorated into shamelessly copying, to use the impolite and, in my opinion, more accurate term (‘assimilating into’ would be more PC) Western culture. Asian people, and maybe especially the Chinese, have dedicated themselves to embedding themselves into White society.
They copy Western mannerisms and imitate Western culture but never adopt the best values of Western society (and frankly any civilized society) like originality, the love of the truth and liberty. They have no true grasp of the depth of the culture they wish to possess through dating white men, as evidenced countless times on this blog.
WM/AF is the most blatant manifestation of this. Asian females who hate other Asians (I don’t believe they hate themselves), and attempt to elevate themselves over them by dating white men and don’t even know that they are sneered at by everyone, who sees right through them.
This selfishness concerns me. Take a look at Singapore’s culture. It reminds me so much of WM/AF in figurative terms.They import Western culture and murder the Chinese language, wait, they murder both the English and Chinese languages with their horrible, ugly accents. But the point is that they import Western culture, imitate Western styles, speak English with ugly, wanna-be-Western affected accents and call themselves ‘traditionally Asian’ with ‘traditional Asian Values’. It’s disgusting.
The ultimate comparison of WM/AF to a country. A nation of incompetent, ugly, wanna-be-White cowards. Morally bankrupt, apathetic, hollow, sterile and artificial. A society unfit for genuine human beings.
Wanna know where America is headed if WM/AF gets their way? Take a look at Singapore.
Note: I am not saying that there are WM/AF couples on every street of that puffed up, narcissistic little island nation. Nor am I saying that WM/AF is ALL that is wrong with it. But I am drawing an analogy between WM/AF Asian females and the country.
You both are sooooo right! lets kill all the asians, the chinese especially. maybe the japanese after that. White power!
I’m an Eurasian male born to a WF/AM couple and look more Asian. Although I do understand OP’s frustration there is something I feel I must clarify. EAs born to this pairing are in no way better than the AF/WM one, for instance take a look at the most attractive hapas in entertainment: Kristin Kreuk, Dennis Oh, they both spawned from the former pairing, my real life socialization with other EAs supports that theory as well. Concerning the matter of self-hate, I think your issue is two-fold: Americans have an over-awareness of race that is unrivaled by the rest of the world that. This dialetic has profound adverse effects on the mental health of immigrants and their descendents. Pressures of acculturation and belonging in a world where identity is both shifting and seeing a resurgence add to that stress. I partly grew up in France and now live London and rarely has race been contentious in my life in Europe while it has been in North America and to some extent in Asia though the latter had its positive. If you’re in your early twenties as I suspect you are just hold on, you will see with time that race is not the biggest identifier in life and that your obsession was unappropriate.
As a teenager I was overwhelmingly attracted to white females and back then I was a total loser, a music nerd who spent more time strumming arpeggios on his guitar and listening to alternative rock than hitting it out. Later as I developed a more confident personality with the other sex I got into several relationships with both American and European females yet numerous bad experiences with Caucasian females made me realize that the image of the ideal blond bombshell all over the media is mere hype. Though they aren’t all like that White females are the most likely to dump, cheat on you and to act childish just because that’s what so much freedom allows them to do. Else there wouldn’t be so many White men traveling half way the globe to find Slavic and Latin brides. Bottomline I’ve kept my options opened and dated a few women of various minorities until I found my wife: a hot, understanding Venezuelan babe. Bottomline is chill out, give self-therapy a try to keep your anger at bay, improve yourself and travel, expand your horizon, you will see the light. Don’t think it’s out of your reach, I grew up in poverty because as it frequently happens in AM/WF pairing, crazy white mom asks for divorce, only this time dude left never to be seen again, so much for the supposed Asian male sense of honor but hey all races have their bad seeds.
Take care I sincerely hope you will be patient and set your life a new course, it’s worth it.
Dear Eurasian Male (E.M.),
I’m a hapa female who was born in the 70’s when any kind of multiculturalism was deemed as scum. We aren’t included with our white neighbors, we aren’t included with our asian family, everyone keeps telling us that we are lucky to belong everywhere, but in truth, we are outcasts and pariahs.
I was raised hearing “Well you’re not really Asian.”
“You can’t be here. You’re oriental.”
I used to be as angry about it as you. My mother didn’t tell her Asian family about me until i was 4 years old and was immediately thrown out of her family. She was a single mother who spoke only broken English. I have so much guilt of just being born and ruining her life.
I felt angry with her for Decades for not using contraceptives, or for not aborting me. She was cast out, and I was hated before I was even born. Even today my mother doesn’t understand how hard it is. Whenever I try to talk to her she says “What’s the big deal?” I feel more alone and hurt whenever she says that.
But E.M., don’t think that it ends there. My mother and I weren’t defined solely by our race and circumstance. We survived together, grew together and are closer than ever. I’m a great emergency room nurse, mother of 2 Hapa kids, and am not defined by my race but by the person inside. We travel the world as a family and experience so much more love than hate outside of our small rural town.
It took a long time but I am now able to laugh at people who think they own the world based on their race. I go right ahead and claim the best of my caucasian side and the best of my asian side.
I wish I could give you the biggest hug. You’re at the hardest point in your life: figuring out “Who am I?” and it’s hard enough in any mono-racial kid, but so much tougher in multiracial/multicultural kids. HANG IN THERE!!! It gets better!
Holy shit.
You need help, buddy.
I am half Chinese/white (British) and can fully relate to your situation. Neither white nor Chinese but stuck somewhere in the middle. White peple think I am Chinese, Chinese people think I am white. My Chinese mother has fully converted to being white. However, I personally wish I was 100% Chinese and not 50% white. I was brought up in a very white environment and can’t understand why anyone would find it attractive. As soon as I was old enough to make my own decisions I chose to turn away from my white upbringing. Although, unfortunately race will always be an inseparable part of our lives, to some extent there is a choice. We can choose to be Asian or white.
Asian Woman, know your true worth.
Watch how fast the white guy jettisons the Asian woman he so adores the moment a white female shows interest.
Even the 0.01% of Asian females Asian males like have features shifted towards the Caucasian norm.
Asian women, it is over. We have seen through your attempts at artificially raising your value. We abhor your beady eyes, your flat noses and your square jaws. The pretty lies you tell yourselves have just began to burn.
Good lord. Drop this shite already. Asian women are beautiful. Asian men are not bad either, and the best of them a lot more handsome than the best of white men. And Eurasians, both men and women, are usually gorgeous. Just my word. 😉
All the best for everyone for 2015.
1. Was born and raised in the US.
2. Not stereotypically Asian. I play hockey, listen to country (and also electronic I guess), don’t watch anime, don’t hang out with only Asians. In fact, pretty much don’t hang out with them. I don’t take pictures of food either.
What I hate most is that the first and most important thing people know about me is that I’m Asian. It’s the first thing they see, it’s the only thing they can seem to think about. White is “default”, the norm. Deviations from it are abnormal. When everything you do and don’t do is because of your ethnicity, life fucking sucks. You have no individuality. Oh I’m good at math? Because I’m Asian. Oh I did well on a test? Asian. Play video games? Asian. I guess all these things were fucking preordained before I was even born. I’ve made no choices in my life. Everything is because of my Asianness, thanks assholes.
You know what’s awesome? Casual racism against Asians, and especially Asian dudes. No one has a fucking problem talking about how every Asian guy must have a tiny Asian penis. No one bats a fucking eye. It’s a joke that everyone believes. For all the non-Asian dudes out there, imagine if, from the time you were born, you were in a society dominated by people who assumed that you had a tiny penis and that much of your worth as a man was determined by that. Now imagine growing up that way for 20+ years. Now imagine the fucking impact that has on your fucking psyche. A real positive one, yeah. What are you supposed to do? Fight them? Get pissed? Correct them? Whip it out? It’s a no win scenario. You either look like you’re “overreacting” to a “joke” that everyone fucking believes, or you are way too defensive, or overcompensating. There’s no fucking win. The greatest emasculation trick of 1 billion people on Planet Earth, ever.
Then this brings up the girls problem. I’ve been outright rejected multiple times because I am Asian. Girls will just say “Sorry, I don’t really like Asian men”. I’m fine with that but it happens quite a bit with Asian girls as well, but I’m pretty chummy with most of them still, even if I have to fake it. I notice most of my Asian friends, as in EVERYONE of them bar the rich kids and extremely tall 6’5 Asian were FA. I’m not being racist but I just notice this, at least I have people to talk to empathise with. The worst pain happened when a girl rejected me then next week was in a relationship with a white guy. I’m fine with interracial dating, no in fact I support it but it makes me feel like I’m part of some unwanted group, that if I wasn’t incredibly special in some way such as being attractive, tall, smart or rich then I’ll never get a chance.
Another rejection line that girls use generally has to do with height. I’m 5’9 (176cm) and they’ll always go but about how they are 5’5 plus or they only like guys who are over 180cm, it’s crazy, I’ve had girls who were probably less than 5′ say this. I think this is just mainly a problem I’ve experienced with Asian girls though, I’ve actually had a tall white girl ask me out before.
Yes, you can say I should just find girls who don’t think like that, but it’s actually hard, as in these are my friends as well. Perhaps, I’m just a friendzone person, since they always talk to me about breakups and relationship problems.
I’ve been looking at my own problems, so been hitting the gym and changing my wardrobe but I’ve kind of given up on it lately.
Racism against Asians is perfectly acceptable. All the “funny” memes and whatnot about them are bad. Study freaks that never get girls, have no social lives, and are completely asexualized, undesirable nerds. Upvoted and front paged. It’s just more acceptable to make fun of Asians among white people.
Positive portrayals of Asians in media? Hahahahahaha. You know what happens? They make sure Jet Li doesn’t kiss Aliyah at the end of the movie like he was supposed to. They replace the Asians in Avatar with white people. They replace the Asians in the TRUE STORY ABOUT ASIAN KIDS in the card counting movie 21, with white people. If you’re a main character Asian dude in a movie/TV show, you are a stereotype. You’re a martial arts master or a wise old man. You’re definitely not getting the girl, and definitely definitely not a non-Asian girl.
Harold = pretty much the only “normal” Asian male in a movie, ever. He doesn’t know karate, he’s not some loser nerd, he has a normal name (no Long Duk Dong here.), speaks normal English with no accent like every single one of us that was born in this country. And he’s actually portrayed positively. It blew my mind. Oh, and he actually thinks about girls and isn’t totally inept about it? AMAZING. Kumar as well. Absolutely normal, American kid.
Glenn on Walking Dead. Holy crap. There’s another one! Can count them all on one fucking hand.
What I’ve noticed about girls, on OKC and some in real life.
1.
The only 2 girls I’ve never done anything sort of with, without having met them on OKC, had some Asian to them. As in, either part Asian, or were heavily involved in Asian stuff, like a Chinese masters student. Now, I’m not saying there’s a Asian guy’s fetish thing going on, but it sure seems like being familiar with the culture and having met some Asian people seems to improve your chances with the person.
2.
The people I got responses from on OKC, or went out with from OKC, same deal. Either watched Korean dramas, or lived in Asia, or were Asian. What I think is going on, is these people are more at ease with the idea of Asians as not being perpetual foreigners or outsiders.
3.
Girls with Asian fetishes are fucking weird and I don’t like them. I want to be wanted for being me, not because they want to collect an Asian guy after watching too much anime.
I am eurasian but look more asian and I completely agree with you on every part. My relationships have been restricted to asian women from asia. Got many rejections for the exact same reason. Doesn’t help I have two brothers taller then me and somewhat more western looking then me.
This blog has so many interesting views/perspectives that I don’t know what to read first.
I feel quite sorry that ethnicity issues leave you guys feeling like outsiders. But I hope you don’t feel that all people who aren’t ethnically mixed go through life with an innate feeling of belonging and being accepted. I can’t imagine, for example, the struggles homosexual men must face. And look at the statistics for women in senior jobs, etc. to see that, despite making up 50% of the population, women are treated as a “minority”.
I skimmed over the post above, for example, and was interested by the problems it highlighted in association with being pigeonholed by one’s asian-ness (in addition to Hapa blogger’s comments).
Virtually everyone gets pigeonholed based upon first impressions. I feel pigeonholed by my female-ness. People will make assumptions about me, based on my sex as well as on my white-ness. Note that there are always hidden downsides, even to something as seemingly desirable as white-ness (or, I imagine, male-ness). If you were describing me to someone, would you focus on my individual qualities and traits, omitting the fact that I’m female? It’s unlikely that you would not use my sex as a defining characteristic, and I cannot escape the associated assumptions that, as a woman, I dream of having babies, love shopping, and that I only want other women to attend my hen night! However, I have been able to use my experience of prejudice to learn how I myself should NOT treat other people.
I’m also sorry that it must be hard being rejected by women on the basis of ridiculous justifications about height/ethnicity. Likewise, I expect to be rejected in favour of younger women if I am still in the dating game in ten years’ time, for example. However, I see this as a sort of automatic twat-filtering system. If someone can reduce you to a statistic (feet and inches, years and months) or to an ethnic category, then — sorry to sound like a cliche — they are not worth your time. This may not mean much to you if racking up notches on the bedpost seems like the world’s most important thing to you now. But that’s not the kind of thing we will reflect upon when we are old and lying on our deathbeds!
I’m a moderately pretty white girl who has little luck with men, and I am tempted sometimes to blame things like guys being threatened by my intelligence. In fact, I think that if we don’t love our own lives very much, people can smell that a mile off. People can instinctively detect the subconscious resentment and suspicion with which we treat others. A subconscious barrier appears around us because we’re afraid of being belittled if we make ourselves vulnerable. And a whole bunch of other psycho-babble stuff is probably already floating around the web on this topic.
But, in a nutshell, men who are most successful with women are those who cultivate an attitude whereby they see women as individuals, not as mass-produced goods. Sorry to state the obvious and perhaps preach to the converted, but we are human beings with more to us than just our exteriors. Have you never found yourself rejecting women on the basis of quite superficial concerns (like age, weight, or beauty), as you feel they do to you?
I have to agree that it bugs me when men/women have overly rigid types, e.g. my Chinese ex declared that he would never date anything with “brown nipples”; whilst, conversely, a lot of my white friends in HK talk about “never being able to go back to fat white girls”. I think that all guys from all ethnicities are beautiful and count myself lucky that I can see that. People who CAN’T see it should be given a pat on their poor naive heads, pitied, and left to work out for themselves that the world is much more beautiful when you open your eyes wider.
It is not your ancestry that is the source of your unhappiness. You can observe that there are large numbers of happy successful people of all racial and “mixed racial” background. And it’s not your appearce either–look at how many married happy people have below average looks (about 50% of them).
You have a mental problem that is the sole source of your problem. This does not mean it will be easily remedied.
I hope you’ll recognize this and see a therapist—and that you’ll find a good marriage partner and be happy.
Hi. I’m sorry I wanted to email the guy personally. I’m also a hapa lady and yes we do have issues with our psychotigerbeast mothers.
Dr. Chin is a psychiatrist who dealt with this and I came across her miracle blog after sending scathing remarks to Amy Chua- who I personally feel is a bonifide sociopath psycho with blood on her hands. 😉
http://chinspirations.com/mhsourcepage/dealing-with-manipulation-guilt-and-self-pity#comment-177262
I begged Dr. Chin to write a book on how to handle manipulative people (ESPECIALLY Asian women, moms and wives).
Kid, you’ve got the goods. The white women who go out with Asian men (or hapas) are often well educated, pretty, classy, intuitive- really good QUALITY people who needs a quality husband. You’ve got it made, I wish there were more guys like that-I don’t care if they’re Asian or not.
The entire Asian bull**** of thriving on negativity literally ruin lives. The trick to interacting with Americans of all levels is your self worth, self esteem and character.
These IDIOTs. My Korean family is full of them. Believe that thriving on negativity is power and every ounce of success that they rightfully earned was p*$$ed away on baloney and arrogance. The negativity literally ruined the massive good fortune they ran into where they could make good of their academic and work achievements.
Keep it in perspective.
Despite what your tiger mom did to you, you HAVE to keep your standards up and you absolutely have to, on all levels believe that you’re quality and that you’re worth it.
ON that note, you absolutely have to worry about having a spouse that IS genuine and good to you. When you are doing the right things for yourself, you draw and attract quality people to you regardless of race(dressed like a winner professional, getting good grades, staying healthy, SOCIALIZING, keeping your chin up at ALL times- these are the things that negative tiger moms didn’t teach you).
A lot of my white and semiwhite friends don’t care about race as much as politics and bureaucrats do.
It’s tough out there.
My caucasian dad gave me a Korean name when he chose to raise me in the US, tried to force me into war… I have a real epiphany. Biculturalism IS a risk and unfortunately the vulnerable (the children) often eat the consequences that we didn’t deserve and we’re subjectively stuck between the cracks due to mayhem.
Don’t worry about what race your girlfriends are. Look for QUALITY women who genuinely care about you.
Also, I’ve been approached by soooo many creepos in the Bay Area who think that I’m this submissive thing who will either date jerks or be a hyperb*.
Hapa guys don’t have to put up with that. Hapa guys are free to go about their business without the stereotype. I don’t want to be a part of a stereotype. It must be great to be you.
Also, the “FOB” Asian women, especially those WITHOUT HIGH CREDENTIALS are HORRIBLE passive aggressive nightmares. Los Angeles has 8+ great universities but a nasty 20% U-6 unemployment rate, low wages, high rent/costoflivingindex, $4/gallonofgas and it’s actually scary that these Asian ladies are such knifers in light of the hardships out there. Asian women (not just Asian women, but they do this)seem to ALWAYS prioritize their inferiority complexes over someone else’s welfare in an At Will state.
Asian employers in Asia are not like that. They employ each other for LIFE. The junk only seems to come from the jerks who were LUCKY enough to have someone sponsor a Visa at the expense of some poor abused Hapa tigercub who is now suffering financial hardships as a “reward” for the junk that I suffered on behalf of the others.
I’m a hapa woman who now has a very low opinion of Asian women because of the way I was treated by them, my welfare suffered because of them. I’m too good and able-bodied to abuse welfare or alimony but the economy is hard enough. This isn’t the way you thank anyone for letting them thrive in the professional world to better their lives.
Suffering my own tigermom was more than enough trauma.
Dude, I know it’s horrible. Take advantage of your blessings. Take advantage of your strengths. Look at Hines Ward, in my opinion he’s one heck of a role model that professional sports definately need and he earned his good fortune
When you take advantage of your blessings, they grow. When you don’t, they disappear.
Cheers! I hope it gets better for you.
I have gone through just about every emotion reading this blog & comments over the past few hours … including re-remembering things I’d thought were long forgotten.
Almost every post & every commenter has at least something I can agree with.
I’m the rarer variant: male offshoot of AM/WF union.
You’ve given me alot to RE-think about : thank you for your rants and observations.
Whether I agree with them or not, they’re your own & you have to explore your feelings. (some of which I once had, & sometimes still fleetingly take residence)
Perhaps I speak for other readers/commenters when I say I’d like to see more: If only for the opportunity to take in more opinions of other similarly situated to us all.
@Asian Female
THANK YOU for everything you said in your comment!!! I completely agree and couldn’t have worded it better myself. 🙂
I’m also an Asian female. Well, to be more precise, I’m a first generation American Born Chinese. And proud of it! Both of my parents moved to America for school and met through mutual friends. I was born and raised in a small southern town that’s primarily white. So, I wonder if I can identify some with the blogger’s views. Growing up, I could never fit in completely with my white friends, for obvious reasons, but I definitely could not fit in with the Asian community that my parents would drive my sister and I to. My sister and I were too Asian for the white crowd and too white for the Asian crowd. It’s an awful in-between. I’ve had a total of 3 close Asian friends in my life (that’s including an Indian friend who at one point referenced “our Asian parents”–which blew my mind; Indians are Asians too? Who would’ve thought! haha).
One thing that the owner of this blog might not be so happy to hear from me is that I’m not typically attracted to Asian males. This in no way means that it’s not possible for me to be attracted to an Asian, it’s just not something that happens often for me. My graduating class in high school literally had 1 Asian guy in it (there was another one and a half Asian guys, but they moved away before graduating). These guys were fun and I did have a school girl crush on all of them at some point–they were different from the typical Asians I met at the Asian community, but I came to respect them as just friends. My girl friends (none of which are Asian) use to ask me why I don’t like Asian guys. It’s not that I don’t like them, but there’s just something about the typical Asian guy that…I just don’t find attractive. My friends on the other hand, think that Asian males are extremely attractive. My best friend joked that I’m not attracted to them cause I feel like I’m probably related to the Asians we meet (since the Asians I typically saw were extended family or family friends).
I figured that was the case. Until I started college last year. I tend to avoid the masses of Asians at school, since they all seem so FOB-like to me (it simply amazes me when I hear one with perfect English), but there’s Asians in my classes, and it’s just so weird to be around Asians in class. I use to say that most Asian guys look like girls, which I still think is true, but I will never forget the first Asian guy I met that did not look like a scrawny wimp. I thought there a was something wrong with me, that I might be a bit too critical against liking Asians, but this Asian proved to me that it is possible for me to be attracted to Asians–that my future children won’t necessarily have to be mixed! 🙂
But the chances of not having mixed children for me is slim. That’s what led me to find this blog. My best guy friend whom I’ve known for more than seven years and practically grew up with isn’t Asian. He’s white–not even the cool kid type, but the gamer type, ahaha. xP We’ve talked about children so much lately, that I started to wonder about how mixed children feel. Surely, as parents we would express as much love as possible to our children, but would they feel as stuck in-between cultures and ethnicity as I was? Would they be able to embrace the Asian and American cultures as I am learning to? There’s an increasing amount of mixed children–perhaps society could be reaching a place where being mixed is slowly becoming a cultural norm?
Anyways, I pray the blogger finds a woman who loves him for who he is. 🙂
God loves all His children no matter what color and background they have. It doesn’t matter what your ethnic and racial backgrounds are–when you accept God has made you perfect the way you are, you’re able to move pass the societal norms and statistics. Instead of dwelling on the hate in this world, enjoy what wonders it has to offer! 🙂
And for the record, Mr. Blogger dude, you are not a loser. You are not genetic garbage, a freak, or a monster. Sure there’s plenty of disadvantages of being Asian; use these seemingly disadvantageous things and make them your advantages. You’re someone who’s unique and deserves some love and respect. I think you’re an amazing person. You started a blog to write about what you feel, and in doing that, you’ve connected so many people around the world through this blog. That alone is a tremendous feat. There are so many people that feel compelled to do something but never get around to actually doing that something, but you took action. That makes you awesomely amazing. 🙂
Wow I am really happy I found this blog. I am half australian and half vietnamese. White body with asian features (eyes, hair, etc)
I have never met anyone who understands what it is like to by a hybrid. Reading this pretty much describes my life in many ways. You belong to neither side and you can never expect things to work out because you are not designed to succeed in society.
Hey man, as a half-asian half-white male from a WM/AF couple I feel the same way as you. Honestly when it comes to settling down with a WF you may just want to have a WM to biologically have youre children so that they do not face the same discrimination. Honestly, nurture makes a person and if you can have white children you will be able to put yourself at peace knowing that they will not face discrimination.
OP, are you still there?
I came across this blog and some comments from the Stuff White People Like Asian Girls post.
Reading this stuff really breaks my heart and I have to talk to you personally, it’s urgent.
Reading the comments here are really breaking my heart and I want anyone who can to email me, especially you, OP.
I hope to do my best to help everyone here. 😦
I have a lot of things to talk about, and I think I can help you.
Eurasian dude, thank you for your courage in saying this. I’m full blooded Asian but I suffered through the all that you went through. Granted I had a loving and supportive mom when she was alive but she and my dad were never able to fully comprehend the racist hatred that Asian-American men felt from Asian-American females. They never understood the how Asian-American females including their loving nieces seemingly despise men of their race.
I want to say to those who insult the author of this blog, what the hell do you know about the things he have to go through? It is like whites who call blacks losers for complaining about racism or men insulting women for pointing out sexism.
The fact is Asian men face racism on a level comparable with blacks with the added hardship of deep racism from our own community, the Asian-American females. Asian men are always the “other” in this society. They are always foreign, non-sexual and despised. Asian females have incorporated this racism even greater than whites.
I never had the heart to tell my mom that my male friends, my male cousins and I have been rejected most exclusively by Asian females because we were Asian. I didn’t want to tell my parents that my female cousins, their beloved nieces, hated being Asian and that even when they were very young have said to me they will never be with an Asian.
I’m proud of my culture and ended up marrying a wonderful woman from Asia. But I find it extremely said that my story is the same for nearly all of my married male Asian-American friends and family members, more than dozen of us. Only two actually married Asian-Americans and those two were first gen. Three married whites.
When the numbers are this extreme, it is no longer just a hunch. This racism is real but for those who are not one of us, you will never understand.
Elliot Rodgers. Will there be a public discussion of the issues you just talked about? I think not, as most people are selfish. WM gets sex, AF gets $$
and neither wants to admit it, not even to their children
Most mass shooters are WM, shooting up on their own community from which they feel excluded. The same race issue is not discussed because it makes people uncomfortable.
We’ll all just hide behind
“I don’t know why these things happen”
By observer
Not the only hapa, also Matthew De Grood just did something similar.
Firstly, the number of Asian women who out marry is not 40% as commonly quoted, but 36%. I don’t know why Americans like to round up their numbers. Secondly, AW and WM in these relationships always like to avoid the fact that the discrepancy between AM and AW who out marry is so high. Either that or they give pretty weak excuses.
Statistically, it would make sense if the ratio of AFWM relationships who marry out of love and the ratio of AMWF relationships who do likewise is 1:1. This accounts for only 1/3 of AF/WM relationships. As for the other 2/3 of the relationships, many reasons have been given and stereotypes exist for a reason. All stereotypes have a semblance of truth to them.
By the way, stereotypes are things that are easily observable. It is true that Asian men are generally shorter than White men. But how would White men know about the penis size of Asian men? Do they have some secret obsession with it or are they gay? No, the penis size thing is not a stereotype, but a rumor made up by white men to boost their ego and cover up for their insecurity. Every race of men would have a range of penis size.
And to the Asian women who exclusively date White men and bash on Asian men based on their stereotype: Please, the genes cut both ways. The hypocrisy is incredible. If you think that Asian men are less masculine than White men based on physical characteristics, that makes you much, much less feminine than White women. You have no tits, no ass, you are much shorter than White women, and you have the body of a prepubescent boy. If you are really shallow and superficial enough to define masculinity based on perceived penis size, then femininity is defined based on breast and ass size. And unlike our attributes which are rumors, yours are easily observable. Why would any White men want Asian women if they can get White women with all these feminine attributes? For the other 2/3 of the relationships, White men settle for Asian women only because they cannot get a women of their own race or they have yellow fever. To Asian guys, next time Asian women insult you based on these perceived stereotypes, remember to insult their physical characteristics too.
To the 1/3 of relationships who marry out of true love, well good for you. As for the women involved in the other 2/3 of relationships, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and question whether you are comfortable in your own skin and whether you truly feel as if you are an equal in your relationship. Additionally, these are also the people who are generally unattractive to the Asian race and have a White partner who is much older than them. Love? I think not.
By the way, SEML, may I know why you have stopped posting? Don’t let the haters get you down. Everyone has their way of coping with life, and this is yours. Nobody can presume to understand your life and they have no right to judge you for that. There are some questions I would like to ask you. If you don’t mind corresponding with me, can you send me an email?
Eurasian male here (WM/AF), ya’ll gotta get with the SISTERS.
I’m telling you, BLACK FEMALES face the same statistics as us ASIAN MALES. It’s American society stereotypes we all know. But Asian males with black females balance the equation of supply and demand in the “intteracial” dating market..
The problem is that TOO MANY ASIAN MEN are too scared to DATE BLACK. You all want “white” girls cause you’re too scared to reject the “white” man’s privilege.
I DATED A SISTER FOR 3 YEARS. Never once did anyone claim I have a “small dick” when you’re dating a sister. You are screwing the “black” man’s wife, the man with supposedly the “biggest dick”. You got the most “sexual” of all the “types”, the one with the “big ass booty”.
I’m telling you cats, you gotta get HIP to the SISTERS.
As an Eurasian male living in the US, I can relate to the issues that you’ve raised. And I have nothing against suicide as such; it is a very real option.
http://goo.gl/4IC6Vt
That being said; you’ve got a book in you. Write it; publish it. It needs to be said!
Hey, Mr. Blogger Dude! I’m honored that you chose to dissect the comment I made last year over the hundreds of other comments. Thanks for reading it. 🙂
But I’m afraid I didn’t make my point come across clearly the first time. I wanted to say that we all have different opinions, different likes and dislikes. I can see now how my initial post can be misread, but why does all of this matter so much? Can you try to view the world past the social boundaries we have put upon each other and see us humans as how we are? We’re not perfect and we won’t ever be. But each of us are human in every single way. Including you.
Let me try to clear up what I said last time. This might end badly, but just hear me out. I wasn’t saying that I can’t like Asian males. It’s possible, I have before. I’ve even met one that mesmerizes me. It just doesn’t happen often for me. But that’s just me. So many of the Asian guys I’ve met are too caught up with being “Americanized” and accepted by the white crowd, that they don’t dwell on their individual strengths and personality. They care more about being accepted than caring for what is around them. Seeing that time and time again makes it difficult for me to like them. Its not the color that bothers me, its the attitude of seeing one race above the other.
And not to mention, I never said that my girlfriends are white. Not all of them are. I should have included, since race matters so much here, that the friends I referred to in that segment consisted of every one of the major ethnic backgrounds.
Then when I referred to the Asians at school (college), I was referring to the ones who are clearly not American-born. There’s a difference, you know. I don’t know how to associate with the ones who aren’t native, that’s why I said that I avoid them. However, I’m eager to find an Asian American that I can identify with. But that just hasn’t happened yet.
You can tell me that I’m viewing things all wrong about that, but that’s just how I see it, plain and simple.
And if it bothers to take any credit with you, that “white kid” I liked because he was my childhood friend, I ended things with him. Not because of race, not because of color, or the future, but because of life conflicts. Never did I like him because of his race. His color didn’t matter to me more than a potato. (Unless he became blue, but that’s another story). He’s just my childhood friend that I love who happens to be white. That’s why I thought it was worth it to mention my relationship with him. I’ve heard of many stories where Asian women from somewhere on the other side of the world come to America just to seek out someone wealthy and white to marry. That’s how your loathed WMAF relationships can vary.
The world is growing more and more diverse with each and every day. In a diverse community, it doesn’t matter if you’re white, yellow, black, green, red, purple, or a mix of everything. Don’t let categories like that eat you alive. In the end, when everything is said and done, nothing else will matter with the exception of the relationships you make with other people and the impact you made on the lives of others. Express some care to others and share your personality with people around you and someone will show care back to you. You are what you make of life. Yes, life is unfair, but you can’t let the unfairness of life take you down. Use it to build yourself up and make a difference.
Thank you for reviving your blog. It’s nice to hear from you again. 🙂
But please don’t become Mr. Suicide Victim. Like others have said, you need to write a book! Having a book published and on shelves digitally and in stores will reach so many more people than just becoming a corpse. With your proceeds, you can begin an awareness group that reaches out to others who feel the same way as you. Even when you feel like everyone is against you, there will always be people for you. You are not alone. Tell your own story; don’t let others tell it for you.
You have an incredible talent in writing, analyzing, and expressing your voice through words. Let no one tell you otherwise. (To add some credibility to that statement, it might help to know that I am an English major/Journalism minor at the university I attend and I am also a Writing Tutor at a nearby college). Please keep on writing!
I’m always praying for you.
xoxo
Thank you for replying so quickly in response to your 2013 comment. There have been quite a few comments written in the same style over the years, but I thought yours was one of the best in encapsulating casual WMAF disregard for the feelings of their children. I did not suggest you were intentionally malicious in your comments, just carelessly ignorant. Without realizing what you were saying, you totally castrated the masculinity of Asian men in your comment, while at the same time hoping against hope, that your Half-Asian son would learn to accept himself for who he is. How can you say that most Asian men look like girly wimps to you, and then expect your Half-Asian son to be at peace with himself as a man? Do not blame society, culture, racism for his lack of self-esteem. The fault dear dear Sherilyn, lies not in the stars, but in ourselves. Clearly growing up, you yourself did not just see fellow humans. You saw races. Whites and Asians. And its quite clear that you very well aware of what their relative social statuses were.
Even now, with your new reformed contextualized comment, you make contradictions like saying 1st you don’t like Asians because they are too Americanized and act too white. And then in the very next line you say you have nothing in common with Asian FOBs since your an American. Asians are both too Asian and too American at the same time. Whatever an Asian does it will be a fault. While if a White is White, he is just being himself, while if a White is an Asiaphile he has such an open appreciation for your culture.
Clearly we are not just humans in this world. We are either white or non-white. And if you are half white you are effectively non-white in US society, despite having a white dad. I can’t appreciate the diversity of our multicultural society, when it takes the form not of a melting pot, but of a racial pyramid. A hierarchy with white males on top, and Asian males on bottom. I don’t take pride in my mixed birth, since I don’t see WMAF as a relationship of love and equality but of racial domination. And just read through the other comments on my blog, and you will hear it from WMAF’s own mouths. Our relationship is one of domination. Not love.
Haha, I’m sorry, I do tend to contradict myself while revising my own comment. But I’m pretty sure I meant every word of it, even though it is a contradiction. There are Asian Americans who try too hard to be “white” and Americanized. That’s unattractive. Then there are FOBs that..I just don’t know what to do around them unless they know and have experienced some of American culture. It’s just hard for me to identify with them without that. In my opinion, it’s perfectly fine for an Asian American to be Americanized, but when they try to identify with a race that isn’t their own, that’s a problem. There is a very tight line for that though.
And then about your sentence about when a White acts White. I think this is getting into the origins of America. Whites have a predominant culture in American society that is separate from their roots in Europe, where as Asians just mainly have Chinatown or Koreantown, etc. which is strongly associated with the corresponding original culture in Asia. So then some view white as American while I’d like to believe Asians, Blacks and Latinos are just as American as whites. Again, there’s just a very tight line between what is white and what is American. Like for example, would an Asian who owns a farm, feels the most comfortable wearing cowboy boots, and loves to ride horses, hunt, and fish be considered white-washed or Americanized? Many of the people that that Asian would associate with would probably be white, but the Asian is clearly passionate about those American pastimes. Would color really matter then, when people are passionate for an activity associated with the county they live in?
Personally though, (excuse any contradictions if there are any please), I try to steer away from those Asiaphiles you speak of. It makes me uncomfortable to be around non-Asians who know more about the culture associated with my ethnicity than I do. However, I am welcome to teaching others more about the culture.
Also, I don’t brag that Asian men are wimpy girls. (sorry again) I state it when I have to, in the context when it’s true. How can it not be when we come across some that clearly wear makeup and wear outfits that a female would most definitely wear? (And with hair nicer than mine!) I would say that for any male that dresses like that, but it just occurs more for the few Asians we come across here who aren’t trying to “become white”. And I’m pretty sure you’re not like either of those. In fact, I honestly believe you have the better end of both white and Asian males. You have the opportunity to choose who you are, what your stereotype is, and whether you will let either of the two define you. You can embrace both cultures, deny one, or even define your own. You were given a choice that only you can make. People that are not of mixed ancestry don’t have that privilege. We are forced into our preexisting stereotypes and told how we should be. You get to decide.
Finally, I just Googled the race hierarchy thing in America. This article came up: http://theweek.com/article/index/265838/americans-still-believe-in-racial-hierarchies It’s an interesting read, but the most relevant information from the study is that society has placed us in this order: white, Asian, black, and then Hispanic. On formal social standards, I can see this tendency. But on day to day personal relationships, I think everyone is fair game these days if we have the right attitude about it.
Again, sorry I write so much. I’ve got several research papers to compose now, so if I don’t reply back in a timely manner, I really hope you have a very nice thanksgiving! I’m sure you have plenty to be thankful for, if you let yourself look for them. 🙂 xoxo
Man, I really really need to talk to you. I’ve been obsessively reading your blog for a while and I have a lot to say because I basically agree with you but I think I may have some answers to some of your questions (ie regarding Mexicans being basically hapas, but not being subjugated in the way that Asian/Eurasian males are)
the thing is, I can’t really talk in depth about it here because I’m not quite in the mood to be flamed by angry conservative white dudes or whoever.
Could you e-mail me?
Based on your avatar, and your past requests, I leapt to the conclusion that you were an Asian woman, who wanted to explain to me why her WMAF was different, and get me to stop hating myself. I was in no mood for this headache.
But maybe I have been irrationally jumping to conclusions.
I understand if you don’t want to get too personal in a public forum. But if you layout your general situation, I might reply to you.
Lol @ the avatar thing. Nay, that’s moreso because I used to watch this show and related a lot to the stoicism of the character.
That being said, as for my situation…
Basically, I feel for you. Because I’ve felt the same, in different ways (not in a
“flip-side-you-shut-up” kind of way, and I won’t claim to know what it’s like to be a Eurasian male because I don’t. And I don’t understand the pain, but I can sympathise with your struggle and I’ve observed these things in the past. )
I come from an ancient, and obscure heritage and struggled a lot with identity in America. I never fit in to any particular stereotype and would watch how everyone else is put into boxes, and growing up it was disgusting.
I first found you through a Stuff White People Like blog post where I read your comments when I was younger. With the evidence of those disgusting creepy white dudes, who were flaming you for you being on your “period” when all you were doing was pointing out the obvious from my perspective, it made me angry and I always wanted to talk to you.
That may sound creepy but eh.
Basically TL;DR don’t share your experience, but I like your poetic and sociological style.
Thanks, I met an interesting girl named Natalie from my SWPL comments. And she was Russian on her dad’s side and ancient, and obscure heritage on her mom’s side. I mentioned her briefly in my last post.
I haven’t chatted with her since 2011. But I might do a future post on some of our conversations about Eurasian issues.
hi, i have a few questions for you, SEML, and any other hapas who visit this blog. hypothetically, if there was a movie, television, video game, comic book series or something that came out that was going to show a positive portrayal of hapa characters. how would you want them to be portrayed?
if its a hapa girl, what ethnicity/race for the guy would you want her to be paired off with? and.. maybe the reasons why?
if its a hapa guy, what ethnicity/race for the girl would you want to pair him off with? and again.. if you could give the reasons why?
would you prefer it if they are from a eurasian race made up of eurasian dads and moms? and have them grow up in a eurasian community where everyone is eurasian?
or would you prefer them to be simply born of interracial pairings? if its an interracial pairing, would you prefer they be born of AMWF instead of WMAF? and would you want them to grow up in a larger monoracial community as minorities? or maybe in a diverse population made up of every kind of interracial and intra-racial pairing? and again.. if you can give the reasons why?
or.. maybe would you rather hapas not be represented at all? and instead, simply be satisfied with better representations of asian male and female characters?
any detailed answers would be appreciated. thanks.
(by the way, i’m a full asian guy. just so you know who’s asking these questions..)
I’m a white female and my favorite type of guy is half asian!
Asians(I mean the mongoloid races) are the most self hating race on earth who reject their own men against the normal course of nature. The irony in that Asian genes are the most dominant ..even 1/8 hapas can look fully Asian…if the women don’t stop their shameless ways , there will be no white men left:((
I have written a book, fiction, based on your blog. I could use a feedback. So will send you the first chapter to see if you’d like to read more.