I’m overdosing on empathy. I don’t mean this to trumpet my own horn as some kind of Saint. What is my greatest weakness? I care too much.
No, I’m using empathy in a purely technical term without any moral connotations. Harkening back to the original German etymology of empathy from Einfühlung (“feeling into”). I think that is the problem I’m feeling into too much. Putting myself in hypothetical shoes. And extremely tight painful shoes at that. The empathy I feel is towards the children of Bad WMAF. The classic white nazi anti-feminist dad and self-hating castrating Tiger Mom. For the most part I don’t feel my parents fall into this in anyway. They aren’t perfect, they have WMAF privilege, and I have not been shy about calling them out viciously whenever they the least bit exploit these privileges. But they are not the classic WMAF stereotype of the media, Hollywood, history, statistics, anecdotes, novels, celebrities, history, the internet etc. But in my overdose of empathy, all I can do is see myself as the Eurasian son of all those nasty couples. What it must feel like to have parents like that. And thats why I get so enraged over it. How dare you talk like that about Asian men, when your own Half-Asian son, will have to endure that life. It is though I became the son of every single WMAF couples in the world. Every single discussion about WMAF or Hapas became about me personally. It was as though I were the incarnation of every single Hapa in the world.
I started blogging again around Thanksgiving. And despite playing devil’s advocate about the pros of my situation. I couldn’t think of anything to be thankful for. I acknowledged yes, there are plenty of times and places which were worse than my own. But living in the 1st world, there was no race worse to be than a WMAF son. And no sophisms could change that. That was my frame of reference comparing Eurasians to all other races. Well, here is another frame of reference. Comparing me as an individual to all other Eurasians. In this r/Hapas has cheered me up. Misery loves company. I don’t want to say that I feel superior in anyway to the Hapas who suffer there. But I acknowledge that I have not experienced the same degree of racism from either my parents, peers, or society in general as expressed there. They really make it sound like being Eurasian in America today is like being a Black in 1920s Alabama. They are constantly taunted and even physically assaulted. What got me, is that these comments were not even coming from one of the “Woe is me” bitter Hapas. No, these were the positive, chin up, Hapas. The ones saying cheer up, its not that bad. Oh sure, I got called Chink and Gook all the time, rejected by girls who openly hated Asians, and jumped by racist classmates. But really guys being Hapa isn’t that bad. Sure my parents, were the classic WMAF couple who hated Asian men. But we don’t need to be dwelling on our misery.
Now I don’t agree with that level of turn the other cheek positivity. But it does put my own pain in perspective. Many Eurasians have had it much worse than me. The very fact, that what I say about Eurasians as a race is true, actually makes my own personal situation look better in perspective. I’v very thin-skinned about racism and not one to laugh off a joke. And yet, even I must admit that the racism I experienced has been relatively mild compared to these other Hapas. I’ve never been called a racial slur in my entire life, which seems to be a daily experience for these Hapas. I’ve never had any racist experiences with Asian women. I’ve never had a white girl reject me openly based on race. With each individual rejection, I felt I was being rejected respectfully as an individual person. I didn’t feel at the time that race played any role. It is only mulling over statistics in aggregate, that I begin to feel that subconscious hatred of Hapas, must have been driving rejection behind the scenes. Its weird that me with my negative attitude has had much less negative experiences than the Hapas trying to have a positive attitude. The Hapas saying “its not that bad” have had worse racism than me.
The other thing that got to me, is that some of these Hapas might belong to supposedly “privileged” categories. For example even the self-described white-looking Eurasians, have experienced much more direct open racism for their Asian features than I an Asian-looking Hapa has. I have never pretended that Hapa girls have it easy, like the “Abort your sons and its all good” crowd. But I have kind of felt that Hapa guys get more hate, the same way Asian guys get more hate. And anti-Hapa girl racism, is more the sexual fetishization variety of racism reserved for females. But no, the Eurasian girls described openly hostile aggressive racist bullying, that we might associated with boys. People just yelling out racial slurs at them on the playground. There is nothing fetishizing about that. Its just violent racial bullying like Hapa boys get.
I’m not saying the situation is good for Hapas, in fact I’m saying its terrible. But in a way that does put my own situation in perspective. So much of my fear of racism, is almost like preemptive reaction. I know racism is coming and so I’m fighting back before it even happens. But for so many of these Hapas its not a future contingent possibility or a hypothetical or sociological data, it theirs personal experiences and childhood memories. And the few racist incidents I endure seem relatively mild, compared to the bombardment they suffer under. I got a reputation as one of the most bitter Eurasian blogger, at least until some friendly competition has been emerging over the last year. But it seems like I have endured some of the least racism of any Hapa, at least compared to the Hapas who post at r/Hapas. Even the white-looking Hapas all talk about how girls openly tell them, they don’t like Asians. And I’ve been rejected plenty of times, any I’ve never felt in person that I was not being respected as a human being. Its only looking at sociology, that I feel that subconsciously it must have been statistical racism. Nothing is settled here, but I do appreciate having lived one of the least racist Eurasian lives possible. I’m not saying “its not that bad”. All my complaints about my own life still stand, their lives are just worse. They are the ones with the horror stories.
I don’t want to make it into “Eurasian World Problems”, oh those Hapas have it much worse than me, therefore I should be grateful for what I have and shut up. But yeah, even the white-looking Hapas, that I’m kind of jealous of, describe getting more hate for their Asianess than even I get.
I do feel empathy for the Hapas born out of the classically racist WMAF, even if they are not me. But ultimately that is going to be their own personal battle. I think it is reprehensible for parents to do that to their child, but thats going to be their battle. Just by having this blog, bringing up Eurasian issues, I’ve done all I can for them. The Eurasian genie is out of the bottle and these currents are very much in the air now. They are the ones who are going to suffer the most, not me. And I wish them the best, but I can’t and wont live their lives for them, and theres no point mentally torturing myself as though I’m.