U: This whole back to Asia movement is more symbolic rhetoric than a practical scheme. It is another attempt to undue your WMAF birth. You romanticize how much better life would have been if your mom had stayed in Asia and married an Asian man. This is your chance to pretend your mom never left Asia. But the very impossibility of this task, is a reminder of how impossible it is to erase your WMAF birth. You can’t just pretend you didn’t live this Eurasian life. And with the language and citizenship barrier, you are just as cut off from Asia as you are from Whites. This is what it means to be a tragic Eurasian. You belong neither East nor West. You can’t just pretend you weren’t born in America to a white dad and asian mom. That you lived here, not there.
I: Perhaps it is partially metaphorical language about undoing my birth. But a metaphor can be both rhetorical and practical at the same time. Yes this is a chance to recapture the AMAF birth in Asia, I never had. But if my primary problem is racism in USA, this is my chance to never see white people.
U: You have even less prospects in Asia, than you do in USA. Sure if you had the financial resources to be an idler and a dilettante. But then you could just hide out in USA anyway.
I: Heres my best case scenario for Asia. I find a way to teach English in a off the beaten track city, where I never have to encounter foreigners. The pay is low, but its worth it to avoid whites. Slowly I deepen my language skills and integrate into the culture. I get a longterm work visa. And perhaps I do eventually become a citizen.
U: You as the adult son of an Asian woman, actually have less of a chance of getting citizenship in her country than a White Expat with an Asian wife. You are as cut off from Asia as a white man at this point. Its a stupid scheme, that can’t work. Its a metaphor. You wish, your mom had never come to America. If she came from dirt poor poverty you could appreciate the economic gains. But since there isn’t that, you have nothing but hatred of your birth. You look enviously on your imagined life as an AMAF son in Asia. Now you want to steal that life from pretend you. But you can’t. Its never going to be that, your Asian mom stayed in Asia and married an Asian man. This wont change that. You will never undue your WMAF birth so long as you live. Hapas don’t belong in Asia. Just look at how Amerasians were treated in Vietnam, as proof of what Asians really think of you offspring of imperialist aggression.
I: Don’t belong East or West or anywhere.
U: You can try it, if you just wanna kill some time. But Asia is not going to clean up America’s WMAF mess. America is stuck with you Hapa sons. this is a western problem. If it were white women flocking to Asia, then Asia would have to do it. Since its white men, bringing their brides home, this will always be a problem for the West. Nice try trying to dump your human garbage in Asia.
I: theres no denying that the origins of this, lay in my thought experiments of what life would be like had my mom stayed in Asia and married Asian. When I discovered that her country’s GDP per capita would eventually surpass the USA’s, and had less economic inequality, meaning a higher median income, that was the last straw. I couldn’t even say I had been paid off for my misery. I enjoy the hell of being Eurasian in America, and I’m probably poorer for it, than if my mom had married Asian. And thats when I started imagining how much better that life would be. To the extent that I tried to seek it. Thats all true. But it doesn’t mean this plot can’t stand on its own feet.
U: you’d be a total foreigner in Asia. Its not the same as being born there. Theres nothing for you in America, but that doesn’t mean theres anything for you anywhere else either. You’re clutching at straws here.
I: I’ve done my best to exhaust all possibilities for living a Hapa life. With these dead ends, I become more convinced that Hapa life is inherently unlivable. The worst of racial and sexual conflict is embodied in the WMAF Hapa. I just don’t see how we can live. All the evils of the world, are in a fixed point on me.
U: All is lost for you?
I: As much as I hate this life, I’ve fulfilled all obligations to search every possible option of saving it. No more can be asked of me. If there is anyway a Hapa life can be lived, I woulda tried it. The original case from 2011, about why Hapa life sucks still stands. I truly do believe, that it is impossible to live as a WMAF son. Its clear to me now, I will be no more accepted in Asia, than I’m in USA.
U: And life in USA?
I: Thats been my primary focus up till the last 2 days. I’ve written tons on how unlivable life is for a Hapa in USA. The universal hatred I receive. Yeah, we had some fun moments in 2011, but clearly its no solution. Hapa life can’t be lived. Don’t be born Eurasian.