I: In high school, I wanted to be anything but East Asian. And so sometimes I would lie and claim I was Central Asian, descendant of Genghis Khan’s AMWF conquests. Sometimes I would claim to be Peruvian. And that would get laughs. Clearly I’m not Peruvian. Although the logic of it is, that since Latinos are the sons of White Conquistador Rapists and Indigenous Mongoloid Native Indians, they should be kinda Hapa. This is where being a East Aryan hurts me. The very fact that Northeast Asian have pale, ‘white’ features, make it impossible to pass off as a Brown Peruvian. In this sense, the Southeast Asians, the so-called Jungle Asians, actually have the advantage.
U: But for the sake of argument, lets just pretend you can pass for Latino. That dude who saw you flirting with that blondie, thought you were Italian. He was really surprised to hear you were Asian. And there are plenty of folk, who say ‘oh I didn’t know you were Asian’. And occasionally old Latina ladies walk up to you, speaking in Spanish. There is a segment of the White population, that does see you as something other than East Asian. Even if when you look into the mirror, you see an Asian. Now lets just pretend, that the world sees a Latino male in you. It doesn’t have to be a super-suave machismo Ricky Martin. Not trying to give you Latino Privilege here. But lets just say, you’re not Asian. You are not East Asian. Then WMAF has nothing to do with you right? Sure its ugly and gross, and you can chalk it up to the evils of the world. But it doesn’t affect you directly. You are just a non-Asian man. And WMAF is a relationship, maybe not a good one, but it says nothing about you personally. If I simply declare you to be Peruvian, and not Half-Asian, all your problems disappear. And lets pretend for the sake of argument that the phenotypes aren’t so different.
I: Now I burn with passion against many of the injustices of the world, that have nothing to do with me personally. So I would still condemn the exploitative part of WMAF. But sure self-interest plays a part in my focus. I do perceive it, as a direct attack on my Hapa manhood. If I’m not Asian, not Hapa, its not personal. Its just WMAF doing its own thing. But I’m Eurasian. I’m Hapa. I look Asian. I’m mostly perceived as Asian. Pretending to be Peruvian, got laughs. So this seems to be a useless exercise.
U: Now suppose that everyone who does not see an Asian in you, sees a Latino in you. Or a Turk in you. A Uzbek. Anything but a East Asian. Is your life suddenly livable now?
I: IDK maybe. Pretending that black is white. What is not, is. Its pointless. I’m Hapa. I’m perceived as Asian. When I look into the mirror, I clearly see my Asian features. I’m hardly ever mistaken for Latino. So yeah, this is pointless.
U: But you admit, there are people, who don’t see the Asian in you. So for those people, these are facts. They might not see you as Peruvian specifically. But if they are seeing you as anything but Asian, the argument stands.
I: It can’t be Eurasian either. If they can tell there is some white in me. But still see a Hapa. Then its the worst of both worlds. They see the WMAF in me. So they are immediately reminded of WMAF and Asian male emasculation, and then they see the Asian male in me. That really is the worst of both worlds. First they see the Asian face, and then they see the WMAF cut off my dick. Thats what it means to be a WMAF son.
U: Can you at least grant that some people, don’t see the Asian at all in you? They might not see a Latino, but they aren’t seeing a Half-Asian, they are just seeing some ambiguous Other.
I: Yeah, I guess they exist. I can count these incidents on my fingers. Look if this was the way most people perceived me, I wouldn’t be here complaining probably. Its just not the case. IF people didn’t see me as half-asian, I wouldn’t have a blog called SEML. But they do. And I do. When I look into the mirror, I clearly see a Half-Asian. I totally see the Asian in me. So I can’t blame others for it.
U: You don’t know what most people see in you, since most have the politeness not to draw direct attention to it.
I: No, but of the sample of people who have drawn attention to my race, I would say the overwhelming majority see the Asian in me. At best they see Half-Asian. Many see nothing but Asian. If we
extrapolate from the talkative to the quiet, we should assume the same ratio. And probably 90% or more, see an Asian or Half-Asian in me. I get it. If we pretend, I’m Peruvian, then WMAF evil or not, has nothing to do with me. And I don’t need to angst over it so much. But clearly I do look Asian. And so it does affect me. And I can tell myself I’m Peruvian. But I know for a fact, even if I outright lied to people, the vast vast majority wouldn’t believe it. And when I did lie, in high school, the laughed it was a joke. Sure it would be beneficial to believe that WMAF has nothing to do with me. But facts are facts. And running from them, just bites me in the butt later. I spent my entire life trying to pretend not to be part Asian. And it just made it more painful, when people pointed out the obvious fact that I was. It be like having blue hair, and being horribly offended when anyone said I have blue hair. I clearly have Asian features. And yet there was no greater insult for me, than to be told I was Asian. So yeah this whole ‘pretend your Peruvian’ scheme, is just a regression to that stage.
U: So you will never escape the belief that the WMAF relationship is directly about you?
I: The WMAF marriage like all marriages is ultimately about family and children. Hapa children. So yes, WMAF is about Hapas. And alright, thats their own problem. If their kids hate em, so be it. Its not me. But the other side of WMAF, is that is totally bound up with the emasculation of Asian males. And society sees an Asian male in me. And that part I can’t escape. And its true. If I looked Latino, that part wouldn’t hit me. But I don’t and so it does. Sure I can try to just forget about wmaf and not think about it. But its everywhere. And I can’t pretend that the extremely negative portrait it paints of Asian men, doesn’t affect me as a Half-Asian men. The fact that Asian women are the worst race of women, makes Asian men the worst race of men.
U: The very fact that the choices of Asian women, is a reflection on you, is based on the assumption that you should be dating Asian women. White men are thus ‘stealing’ your natural partners. You should challenge anyone who assumes that Asian women are your natural partner.
I: Its not that specifically. Its that WMAF helps emasculate all Asian men. I get treated as an Asian man. And so this emasculation destroys me with all races of women.
U: Maybe white women shouldn’t assume Asians belong together.
I: Maybe they shouldn’t. But they do. And every other race of women belongs with their own men. So they have to ask, why is it just Asians? And its not like Asian men are dating any other women besides Asian women.
U: So you are never going to escape this Hapa circle?
I: I don’t see how I can. I was born of WMAF. I was born a Hapa man from WMAF. And yet nothing does more to destroy my Hapa manhood, than WMAF. I can’t figure a way out of this.
U: Perhaps a tad of American individualism? Its just you and Jamie. Forget the sociology of AMWF and WMAF. Just you, and a unique, particular human being. A special little snowflake as they say. You want her to be a friend. Perhaps even a romantic partner. If you believe she is capable of loving you. Then you need to have a little trust in her. That she is not just a robot for biology and social trends. That she is a person, with free will. You have to trust her not to be racist and cruel. Otherwise it is hopeless before you even begin.
I: I’m sorry, I just don’t believe that AMWF and WMAF happen by accident.
U: Just throwing this out there, but its hard to believe that racial segregation in housing happens by accident. But the Game Theorist, Thomas Schelling, devised a model, by which even decent, liberal white people who don’t have a strong racial preference against living near colored people. Would through individual choices, end up living in almost entirely racially segregated neighborhoods. And so one could easily see the same model working with the AMWF gap. Lets say its true that white women do have a preference against Asian men. It might be relatively minor, and easily overcome by the individual. But working in mass, it could lead to the wide disparity we see. The good news if this model is correct, is that with each individual white girl, you aren’t reaching for the moon. Perhaps she does have a minor bias against Asians. But if you can demonstrate your personality, specifically those aspects which are opposite to the Asian stereotype, you can easily overcome that bias. In this model, we can explain the huge AMWF disparity, while at the same time giving you hope, with each individual white girl.
I: To what extent is that just a Libertarian excuse for segregation as not a real problem? In that sense it applies to my AMWF problem but in a bad way. In that you can just dismiss, real problems with sophistry. And create models that show that real problems mean nothing.
The 1st comment on your article is the following:
“All people tend to associate themselves with groups, some inherent (skin color, heritage) and some by choice (sports affiliations, school choice, unions, fraternal organizations). Groups with differing goals tend to become antagonistic towards each other. It’s human nature, but one that can be controlled with thought and discipline.
The work you presented shows the results of even small preferences. Can moderate to strong preferences ever be eliminated?
The U.S. has come a long way from institutional racism, and still has some way to go towards eradicating all racist actions. If such a goal is even possible. Segregation is widely viewed as a negative, but where does one draw the line between unforced segregation and free association?”
As he says, its human nature to associate with your own. And I will never have my own. My parents choose to be an experiment in
race-mixing. I can’t say it was a liberating experiment like BMWF. Since so many rightwing white males are into WMAF. These are the same white males, who will talk about how its human nature to be tribal. They selfishly choose to mix tribes. And then leave their Hapa sons, in a world in which all tribes reject him. People have the right to free association. No one should be forced to be friends with a Hapa. And so if Hapas are not part of the White tribe or the Asian tribe, they belong no where.
Oh Hapas are clearly part of the Asian tribe.- Says white people. White say that Hapas, are Asian, because they don’t want to have to accept them. White people think they can speak for Asians. But Asians are not so willing to accept Hapas. Its not so easy for a Hapa to make friends with an Asian, when he has no cultural links, and is the living embodiment of Asian emasculation. If I was a full-Asian male, I would say, that I would not want to be friends with a WMAF son. I would choose to voluntarily NOT associate with someone, born of a relationship that degrades me.
And so if the lesson of this study, is as the 1st comment suggests, that we should just accept that human nature, is like attracts like. And that Big Government shouldn’t be forcing people to associate with tribes they don’t like. Then the lesson is that, I as a Hapa, will never be accepted by any tribe.
U: You don’t have to accept all the implications of rational choice theory. And the 1st comment, was kind of missing the point of the article. Which is not that, racism is ok. Or a libertarian defense of segregation as free choice. But that even minor preferences can lead to large unintended social consequences. Such as housing segregation. Or in your case, sexual segregation. You don’t have to accept the policy implications others draw from this. But if there is any truth in this model for AMWF, the good news for you, is that despite the huge numbers, individual white girls, might have nothing against you. Or very little against you. Don’t let statistics define your life. Don’t be an Asian math geek. Be an American individualist. See the unique Christian soul in her. I can’t say if this model is true or not. But it would be useful to you, to believe it.