I’m not shy, about directly raising the issues I have on SEML, to my parent’s faces. And I have openly called on my Asian mom, to justify the life she gave me. To tell me why my life in America, is better than the life I could have lived in First World Asia. She makes more on her equivalent job than she would in Asia. Urban real estate is very expensive in Asia. She as an Asian woman has never experienced racism in America. She thought communicating with an American man would be less complicated than an Asian man. There is more privacy from your friends and relatives in America.
If I was comparing myself to the rest of my mom’s family, and they were all living in rural poverty. I could be grateful, that their for the grace of mom goes me. But I don’t feel any gratitude. They are all living, decent, middle class lives. They have all the same technology as the West. And in things like infrastructure and transportation they are far advanced. The GDP per capita is not far behind America’s, and its made up for by having less economic inequality. There is less crime.
But most importantly of all, there is not the racial humiliation of being a despised, castrated minority. Being 2% of the population, would be hard under any circumstances. But with the unique stereotypes thrown at Asian men, I find life unlivable. I guess you can say that full Asian-American sons can also complain to their parents about some of these issues. But at least the Asian dad is not a hypocrite. He has experiences the same thing as the son. If my Asian dad told me “I as an Asian MAN have never experienced racism in America”, I wouldn’t curse him out for it.
Lets face it. My Asian mom made life a lot worse for me, than it had to be. She didn’t secure much advantage in America with my white dad. But she expected her Eurasian son, to just put up with it, and live a good life. Where it aint going to happen. She has given me nothing in America. There is nothing for me in this country but universal racial hatred. This is her gift to me.
I look in envy at my imaginary half-brothers. A full Asian male in Asia. A full White male in America is too easy. But I would be happier if my dad had married any other race of woman. Black, Arab, Indian, Latina, Turkish. Any other race of women but Northeast Asian, and I would not be burdened by the unique issues of WMAF emasculation of Asian men. Other than Black, all those other mixed Brown races, have a much easier time passing for White than Eurasians. And if I was half-Black, I could be Obama.
There is nothing worse than being born the Eurasian son of a white dad and Asian mom. It is the most selfish possible crime, a parent can commit on a child. And I find living while Eurasian to be an impossibility. I’m so unhappy with the life I was given. I’m not the least bit grateful for anything my parents do for me. If they would agree to support me for life, and hide from the racist world they created, maybe then I could try to forget I’m Eurasian. But as long as they refuse to give up their mad dreams, of pushing me back out into a world that hates me, I will be nothing but a Eurasian man. Life as a Hapa man is impossible for me.
My parents did this to me. They made me a Hapa. Against my will, they forced me to be a Hapa. They forced this hated Hapa race on me. I must be universally hated by all other humans, because I’m a Hapa. I just want to vomit up my soul. Spit out my DNA. I can’t go on much longer with this acidic blood inside me.
Being Eurasian is what I don’t want to be. Its the last thing I want to be. You go be Eurasian. You who think its ok to be Eurasian, you go do it. As for me, I actually have to live as an Eurasian, and I can’t do it for much longer. My parents have forced upon me the hatred of the human race. Why do they think its a good idea to create Hapas? Have they walked a mile in my Hapa shoes? What ignorance! How stupid do you have to be to make a Hapa? I hate being the outcome of a laboratory experiment. I have always felt like a subhuman freak. An experiment.
I can’t do it. I can’t survive my genes. I refuse to accept the Hapa challenge. I wont prevail over Hapa obstacles. I wont grow as a person from my Hapa experiences. I wont culturally enrich the world with my hybrid diversity.