Why should the decisions of Asian women have anything to do with me? I wish it didn’t. I wish I had nothing to do with Asian women. I wish I didn’t share any genetic material with them. I wish we didn’t have the same racial features. I wish we weren’t grouped together. I hate that there is a category Asian, that both I and the most despicable race of women, both belong to. I hate the fact, that an Asian woman who despises Asian maleness, has the power with her white husband to create an Asian son. WMAF is not just about praising the superiority of white men, but putting down the inferiority of Asian men. WMAF is not just about WMAF, but also about AM and WF. They are the
absent-present parties in the “relationship”.
I hate the fact that my Asian mom is related to me. That she passed on the Asian curse to me, with my White dad. My resentment will never die, I will take it to my grave with me. I hate that WMAF has the ability to create Asian children. It truly is the cruelest crime. I wish my Asian mom was a stranger to me.
But race exists. Thats the whole point of race. That people who share the same category, will be grouped together in it, even if they have nothing to do with each other. And so as much as I hate the female half of the category, America has forced me to have something to do with them. Hell, my own mother, is an Asian woman, and I can’t run away from that. I hate everything about them. I hate what they have come to symbolize in American culture. Everyone of the traits about them, that WMAF prizes, exoticizes and fetishizes, I find utterly vile. I would rather mutilate my face, and be a freak with no race, than share a race with my Asian mom. I hate her features inside me. And I find it impossible to live with them. She has killed her son. I hate the genes my mom gave me, and I will never forgive them. I want to vomit them out of me. How dare anyone oppose my suicide, and tell me that I should have to live a life with my mom’s Asian genes. Go to hell you lifers. You live with my mom’s Asian genes. You have an Asian woman who hates Asian men, give you her Asian genes. You go live with it. How dare anyone who is not a Eurasian man, tell me to live. What kind of life do you think awaits me? If you tell me Eurasian issues, are all in my head, you’ve only given me more reason to die.
You live a life with genes you hate, given to you, by a woman you despise. You do it. I wont. I never will. I wont carry her genes. I wont live with them. The white and Asian genes will NOT peacefully coexist in my cells. There is a violent civil war inside everyone of my cells. A race war. My genes are not aligned. They are enemies with each other. A vicious race war is being fought with my body as the battleground. My genes are not mixed, they are waging war against each other. They have in no way melded together harmoniously.
I hate that there is a category called Asian, that both I and the most vile women in the world belong to. I hate that in the American popular mind we are grouped together. I wish we had nothing to do with each other. I wish WMAF was some far away nightmare, and not my own parents, and the source of my existence. Is it any wonder that I hate being alive?
You well-wishers and do-gooders, you tell me how to live my life, you crocodile tears concern trolls. You vulchers who are oh so concerned about my precious Eurasian life. My precious, precious, irreplaceable Hapa life. You bleeding heart concern trolls. Who care about an anonymous blogger soooo much. It would be such a tragedy to lose my presence in this world. You tell me what Eurasian life, you want me to live with your crocodile tears. You reptiles. Those who are concerned that I live, are the worst monsters of all. You are the true sadists and prison guards of life. You are the prison guards who keep me in a torture chamber. What Eurasian life do you want me to live? You, who want to keep me alive, with what life do you want me to live?
I wont do it for you. I wont keep on being a Hapa man, just to assuage your evil consciences. Because it makes you feel better, that some blogger is alive and not dead. You don’t give a damn, about the hellish life, America has created for Eurasians. All you want is for me to live it. How hellish it might be, is of no concern to you. Only the horrid sacrilege that I abandon the beauty of life.
I can’t take it. You can’t tell me I need to keep genes I don’t want. You can’t force this DNA on me. She gave it to me, and I refuse the gift. I spit on her gift. I trample her genes onto the ground. I vomit her gift of life out of me. I’m sorry she had me born. Very sorry. I hate this Eurasian life, that an Asian woman and white man gave me. My life is my worst enemy to me. I have no stake in the survival of my Hapa DNA. I hate all genetic material inside of me. I’m a walking abomination.