I’m not happy with who I was born to be. I didn’t want to be a mixing of East and West. Of White and Yellow. Why did I have to be a male born of a relationship that castrates my maleness? This is a burden, it is too cruel to ask me to carry. Will you ever understand? I have only my words to convince you. I can’t make you experience the life of a Eurasian guy. My only tool are my words. I can tell you what I have felt and experienced as a Eurasian and maybe you will come to understand me. This is the life I have lead. Race is not over. Race or lack of it, has defined my life in this 21st century. You don’t have to read a Victorian novel, to find your Elephant man. He walks among you. Born of a mixing, that was supposed to create a new, beautiful, healthy race. All parents are supposed to be proud of their children. But it is disgusting the way that WMAF promotes eugenic principles of breeding a new superior race in their Eurasian kids. They are not above lying. They will claim that Qapas and AMWF sons are their own. They hate me, because I’m a living refutation of their mythology. That is why they will attempt to demonize and destroy me. This is why, the best thing I can do for Eurasians, is to die in public and leave my personal suicide note on this blog. On my Eurasian body is written my truth. I can’t run from this responsibility anymore. I owe it to myself, and to my Eurasian peoples.
I wish race did not mean anything. Perhaps sometimes I do write like I wish I was white. But for me, whiteness was never about being an Aryan Superman. It just meant being normal, generic, vanilla. Thats all I asked to be. Plain. I didn’t want any special privileges. I just wanted to be a person. An American. To have what my white dad had, and took for granted without even realizing his structural privilege. If I had a blog about anti-natalism and depression, I would just be assumed to be a generic, middle class, white guy. But I can’t live that lie. The fact is my angst has been defined by my Hapaness. Try as I might, I can’t escape from SEML. This is who I’m.
You will never understand what its like to be born of a WMAF relationship. It is the worst hell you can imagine. WMAF is the most ugly, hateful, cruel relationship imaginable. Don’t take my word for it. Read WMAF in its own words. Don’t listen to me- listen to them. They are my parents. They are who I was born of. Every WMAF couple is my parents. This is my racial truth. I wish I had nothing to do with them. But I will forever be defined by them. My WMAF genes encapsulate me. All my life I have been trying to pull my white and Asian genes apart. I see now only suicide will finally dissolve and disentangle those bonds.
If I’m a Eurasian Werther, I’m sorry to my Lotte. I’m sorry this had to be a cruel, horrible and dark world. I’m sorry I had to carry this sin and stain in my birth. This world could have been a beautiful and lovely place, had I not been born. I’m the scar on the face of the world. I’m the son of WMAF. And if I can dissolve the WM and AF genes with my death. I have an obligation to die. There can be no peaceful coexistence between East and West within my cells. Take your genes back. Let my genes dissolve in the ocean and flow back to Asia across the Pacific. That which never ought to have been brought together must be torn asunder. I have struggle against myself with all my strength. Take your ransom from my joints, it shall yield you little.
Not to be. That is the choice of the Eurasian male. White Male + Asian Female = Me. I shall be the Minus in this equation. I shall take the me out of this equation. I don’t want to define myself by this. But it is all American Society has ever seen in me. A hapa boy. Even the little children have more race-realism than WMAF. In the 1st grade, they could already see what was wrong with me. That I was an unnatural Frankenstein mutant experiment. I’m the Monster Demon of the WMAF Frankenstein.
I’m just one Eurasian male. But perhaps if I die, this world can be beautiful again. I’m the incarnation of WMAF, pure ugliness. I’m born of pure evil and darkness. I see there will never be a place in this world for a Hapa man. We don’t belong here. We can’t live among humans. I will be the wandering Hapa, fitting in no where. Its not about my genes. But the social relations of domination that WMAF has willingly created, that has made my Hapa life, a living hell. A living contradiction. An impossibility. This is the so-called “life” that WMAF has “gifted” to me. I wish that those who made the decision to WMAF would have to live as Eurasians and not me. It was their free choice, not mine. But I’m the one who has to live with the punishment. You should become the Eurasian male, when you WMAF. IT shouldn’t be imposed on an innocent third party- me. I wish the white and asian genes could be mixed in the WMAF couple. If you love Asian genes so much, then become a Eurasian man and live as me. Abandon your white privilege. The very whiteness that made you superior to Asian men. If you love mixing so much, become a Eurasian man. Don’t put the burden o me. Don’t make me live your fairy tale love story. I don’t want to be your WMAF romance’s happily ever after. I wont be your happy ending.
I will stand before my death, as a Eurasian Man. Your enemy. I die cursing you in my last breath. I shall be a pied piper for your Eurasian children. Who will they believe? Me or you? A white man or a Eurasian brother? This is my legacy. I must die as a Eurasian. I will define what it means to be the son of WMAF. A curse. Please don’t make me be Eurasian. Why did I have to be assigned this role? Because my parents choose to WMAF, I’m forced to live as the most hated man in the history of the world. Hounded from all directions. Belonging no where. No one will ever accept me. No culture will ever integrate the Hapa. We are monsters and abominations. Subhuman scum. I will prove this all to you in my suicide. I have been advised to go public. Told that I can’t spread my message with mere typed words. And so I shall write my last words, in my death. Life has become too painful for me as a Eurasian. I can’t endure the hatred of an entire world scourging me upon my back. Men and women of all races will always despise me. I’m just a freak to the human race. Born out of a freakish
relationship, forced to be the marriage of demons. A Rosemary’s baby. I’m choking on my own mixed blood.
I’m a Eurasian man, born of a white dad and asian mom. This is all you can say about me. This is all I was allowed to be. Anything else I had to offer this world, was shunned because of my race. Because of what I was born of. I wish I could have used my words for something other than hate. For love, friendship, life, serenity and hope. To lift people’s spirits. To speak of goodness and light. But I shall always be shunned by the white light. My words can only speak the black bile of Eurasianess. This is the human I was born to be. This is the only experience I will ever know. I will save my tears, so I can drown in them.
I’m so sorry I scarred your beautiful world with my presence. Eurasians should not live in the same world as you. If this world was filled with yous and not with mes, it could be quite a lovely and wonderful place. It is only ugly because of me. Because I’m a Hapa Monster. I bid you adieu. I peacefully leave this world to you. Make good with it. Be happy. Be not hapa. Its not your fault I was born. You had nothing to do with it. If anything you were more of the victim than me. How could I be a true victim? I’m not even human, and have no soul. Only you can truly feel. Feel me for but one grasping moment, and then forget I ever lived. You are indifferent, if Eurasians have ever existed or not. And you are right to be. I don’t want to be your bad dream. I shall not disturb your gentle, peaceful slumber, with the hellish nightmare that Eurasian life has been to me.