So this blog is about addressing the whole issue of white male/ asian female relationships from the perspective of the 50% chance Eurasian sons they might have in the future. When confronted, the initial defense of WM/AF is that its “accidental”, that we live in a wonderful post-racial multicultural colorblind society, and WM and AFs just don’t see race. When confronted with statistics, and the fact that WM/AF disparity is caused by people seeing race all too well. Then they are forced to actually defend WM/AF as a positive good in and of itself. And this comes down to Asian male bashing. Occasionally white female bashing will be thrown into the mix for good measure, that white women are too bitchy feminist liberated individualistic western etc etc, and so decent white chaps need submissive Asian woman to follow orders. Anyway I’ve googled this topic a lot and there are tons of blogs and forums defending WM/AF both from the WM and AF perspective. But very rarely does the whole future hapa son issue come up. So it is interesting to see an AF in an WM/AF relationship address the hapa son issue head on. And this AF is so empathetic to the WM, point of view that she even says white males suffer more than Asians, since they are discriminated against by affirmative action!
Her basic argument is this Asian males are like fat fugly chicks. A man might hate fat chicks, marry a hot girl and have a fat chick as a daughter. Does this make that man evil or a bad father, that he wouldn’t date fat chicks, but now has one as a daughter?
So here are some choice quotes-
Wrong argument, you are continuing to attempt sidetracking and/or in denial by avoiding my question. Let me simplify things a bit more and ask you the question again. Let’s just say for example, I’m your hapa son, who is masculine, secured and all that. While you being a good mother and all which I’m sure you are, WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME FINDING YOUR REMARK TO BE OFFENSIVE? Just because I don’t look like what you described, does that mean I shouldn’t find it offensive?
It’s simply this …. pretend I’m your hapa son, looks similar to what you described, and the statement you made was 20 years ago. Your original statement/beliefs has been relayed and circulated amongst your peers, friends and family throughout all those years because they agreed with you , and at 20 years of age it finally reached my ears. Guess what, as your hapa son, I heard it from my aunty and another female friend of my mom, that they “don’t find most Asian men attractive. Too short, too effeminate and they like hairy guys.” How do you think I should feel? As your hapa son and look similar to what you described, how should I take that? Shouldn’t say anything right? Be a man, confident and let it slide, right?
Are you now admiting that your beliefs can hinder your ability to be a fit motherhood? Personally, I don’t think so, that’s why I did not mention this in my previous post. I don’t believe your negative views about some people effects your ability to be good overall mother, but I do still find it offensive. Unless you’re admitting as a mother, you are NOT responsible for your own words. In which case, it’s something can be discussed further next time if you want. My point is, it still doesn’t change the fact that as your hapa son, with Asian appearance, masculine, secured and everything, I still find that to be offensive.
Your persistant assaults towards other brothers only proving your incongruous POV to be more wrong by AVOIDING the specific issue in question. My argument is if your expecting hapa son happens to fall into the same category of people you described and rejected (in your 1st orignal statement), appearance wise, by then and until then, you will have no choice but to CHANGE your tune/stance/notion. Unless you want to go against your son.
Let me put it another way, unless you avoid the AA community and all Asians (including AF friends) all-together completely, as they would undoubtedly have Asian sons of their own. If you happen to have a few AF friends with sons, the trumpery rhetoric of your original statement would certainly effect them. Even if your AF friends agree with you, their sons certainly will not, and they will definitely try to stop the spread of this negative message amongst your network of acquaintances. Do you see where I’m getting at now? Therefore, I would advice you keep it to yourself, and not even post such messages in the internet, please.
Of course my attitude toward obese and hairy women is respected if my hapa daughter happens to fall into that same category. I would NEVER EVER say anything so demeaning/derogatory about any group of females so to belittle their self-importance/self-respect, especially in public or in a public forum.
You should never spread this kind of negative messages (of your 1st original statement) about a certain group of people, not even around your circle of friends or it can come back to haunt you. If your message/belief is wide spread and accepted amongst your peers/friends, husband and family, you really believe that your potential/expecting son won’t ever pick up on this? And if he happens to fall victim into the same category of the people you ostracized/rejected, how would he feel?
My hapa daughter would feel really pissed off and offended if that’s the case. Whether it was said 20 years ago or today, if she ever unexpectedly finds out that her father had said and believed in something that’s negatively scornful to the point of ostracizing/rejecting a group people similar to her, something that’s totally out of their or her control. Of course that would upset her. That’s why I would NEVER say such a thing.
Finally, your latest statement “I’ve also stated I’ve met some very attractive NE Asian men.”, which is perfectly fine, but it still doesn’t change your original statement “don’t find most Asian men attractive. Too short, too effeminate and I like hairy guys.” as it shouldn’t be repeated anywhere else publicly again. It’s just wrong, same thing if I start a new thread with “don’t find most women attractive, too hairy, too obese and I like fit girls.”, and then started backtracking from there. IT’S JUST WRONG! Backtracking doesn’t change your first statement, the only way it can change is if you NEVER state it in public again. Thank you
Asian female reply:
I apologize if I didn`t answer your question to your satisfaction. I know your not yet married, but I`ll try to explain my position one more time. My husband and I try very hard to encourage our daughter. She`s very young yet, but I want her to be proud of her family, her mixed heritage, her gender and confident of her parents unconditional love and support. We`d never intentionally make any remarks that would cause her to question this unconditional love and support. We would naturally do the same for any future children.
Your talking about sexual fantasies. This is an anonymous forum where people don`t know my family. I don`t go around telling just everybody about it. Do your parents discuss their turn-ons with you? However, if I found out tomorrow that my dad found black women on average the most feminine because he thought they had the best butts I woudn`t feel as though he loved me any less. I might get sick thinking about my parents having sex, but I definitely wouldn`t question that his love remained unconditional. If a future son found out my intimate desires when he`s 20 years old I think he`d also feel creepy thinking about his mother`s sex life, but he certainly wouldn`t feel as though he was loved any less.