I think Urbandictionary defines my type pretty well:
Hapas male often have trouble when they become teenagers. In fact, asian women that married white men did so because they preferred white men and even though there is nothing wrong with it, it still creates a problem because an hapa male is still an asian male in our society, especially in the eyes of white people.
Growing up as a hapa male, you understand that your mother is like those asian american women going for white men and your dad, well, a white man having a yellow fever. Therefore, being a hapa male is often being a contradiction in the sense that you are exactly what your parents were against: an asian men.
White man with yellow fever: I love asian women and I’m glad there are asian women like your mother that like better us white men than you asian men.
Hapa male: I guess you’re right
Here is another interesting conversation that I found on a forum between a Hapa son, and an Asian female who only dates white guys. It supports my hunch, that I’m not alone in this, and that most Hapa males created by the ocean of WM/AFs feel the same way I do.
Many will still identify as asian. If someone identifies me as Asian I don’t make an effort to correct them and say “no I’m actually half Asian.” I’m half Asian and 95%+ of whites, blacks, hispanics, and asians will think I’m asian and generally that’s what I identify as.
I know deep down I’m actually mixed but in daily life, when it comes to ethnicity or race, I basically get identified and identify as Asian.
True but those attitudes can carry on to things further than dating. I’m half Asian from an Asian mom and White dad but often identify myself and am identified in society as an Asian dude. Parents are now divorced though.
My Mom’s attitude towards the male part of her race wasn’t just dating but also overall she put down Asian dudes not just in dating but in many factors overall which just seemed pretty ironic considering her own son (me) identified as Asian dude. Funny thing is that my Dad doesn’t have any of ignorance and didn’t really focus on my Mom’s race when they were dating and married.
Just my two cents, I’m looking forward to counterpoints. 99% of white and Asian folk will assume I’m Asian (just main thing different from usual Asian is my tall height 6ft) and that’s what I usually identify as. I hate when my mom put down Asian dudes overall not just in dating but in everything without stopping to think that I, her own son, am basically Asian.
Funny thing is my dad remarried another Asian lady early after the divorce who is way, waaay, less ignorant than my biological mom. I actually consider my stepmom more of my real mother.
If you have a son who looks and identifies as Asian what kind of messages are you going to be giving him about his self esteem? I’m half Asian (parents divorced and dad remarried) but identify as an Asian dude and your attitude remind me a lot of my biological mom’s attitude and NOT in a good way.
I’m Asian, and I personally would never date an Asian guy. Does that mean I harbor self-hate? Fuck no. I love being Asian; I just don’t like dating my own race.
My reason isn’t because it’d be “like dating my own brother”; it’s more like I just don’t find most Asian guys physically attractive. It’s called personal preferences. I’m sure you have them, and there is nothing wrong about that at all. Nothing you can do to change that except to just move on.
Well, I’m sorry that your mom’s attitude impacted you negatively, but to be quite honest, I don’t see how you can project your problems onto me.
First of all (as I said in another reply), I don’t want kids. Even if I magically decided to change my mind and went ahead and had a kid, I’m pretty certain that I would be trying my hardest to make sure that the kid is loved and provided for (emotionally, financially, etc.). Just because your family situation didn’t turn out so hot (and I’m genuinely sorry for that) doesn’t mean that I would be a crappy mother. How does that even enter into your stream of logic…?