So I JUST had a huge fight with my parents. IDK they’re not bad people as individuals, they’ve generally been good to me personally, although I have plenty of major complaints on the individual level. Generally I would not tar them with the brush I would apply to modern 21st century wm/af relationships, since they come from an earlier time, and they met through a rather “conventional” method of mutual friends, and not war-bride or Asian night or anything like that. On the other hand when I really press them on the issue they use some wm/af language that would make me lump them in with the rest. For example my mom actually had the gall, to defend herself by saying she has tons of friend and relatives married to white guys and even mentioned Amy Chua the Tiger mom! None of their offspring complain.
I must admit it is very cathartic to just lash out at my parents and be a total ahole about it. I don’t feel guilty since I’m attacking wm/af at the root- my own parents. They are the only wm/afs I can attack, I mean I could catcall couples on the streets, and I’m a pretty big guy so I probably could hand most wms like that, but thats not my game.
Look I admit I’m a terrible son. But my parents brought this on themselves. My dad tries to play Freud with me. And my mom calls her decision to immigrated to the USA and marry a white man- “her personal free choice and none of my business”. Hello! I’m born of that business.
What a horrid existence. My genes make me an Asian male, and I’ve never been treated as anything but an asian male. I used to have brown hair and more euro features but ive mongolized with age. Occasionally people will think I’m hispanic or some weird mix. Its weird, I was brought up entirely with my dad’s relatives, and can’t even speak my mom’s native language. Basically a white boy in an asian’s body, which I think made me all the more sensitive to any racism. In the abstract, I’m not any racial purist, if we all become one big gray race, so much the better. One big rainbow. But in the reality of 2011 America, interracial relations isn’t some multicultural utopia, but based on power relations, and theres nothing more emasculating to an Asian man. I don’t even find Asian females attractive, feels to incestus to me. But obvious when white chicks at the top of the racial totem pole, see that Asian males are at the bottom- wamo!
IDK my parents aren’t that bad people. Some specific complaints are my mom’s hypocritical claims to her asianness (kind of like amy chua), my dad attempting to psychoanalzye me instead of taking my complaints seriously, and them just dismissing my position when neither of them are asian males and have no first-hand experience. I think parents in general deserve to be attacked by their children, since the world is a crappy place, and children have the right to challenge those who cursed them with birth. But in my specific circumstance, my parents are an embodiment of what affects me personally as the worst evil on earth- the emasculation of asian men- like me.
I’m ranting cause I just got out of a big fight with them. But any advice or feedback would be most appreciated.
Red flag words: “I just took a freshman ______ course.” Don’t let your education f### your head up too much. These are interesting and probably at least partially valid concepts, but remember that there is a difference between the theoretical and the real, especially in the use of the theoretical vs. the real. Academics come up with theories because it’s what they do. Doesn’t mean they’re true, and even if they are, doesn’t mean they have any real practical implications for our lives. Take from the ideas you explore in education what is going to enhance your life and understanding, but leave behind what is going to harm you. It sounds like you are using these ideas as a justification for self-hatred. Just don’t. Be the individual case that disproves the generalization. These ideas seem racist in their foundation anyway. If you are suffering from not being in touch with your Asian, then get more in touch with it. Just because you are mixed race doesn’t mean you are doomed to be some sort of secondary, weak male, and IF your parents had some crazy deep hatred of the Asian male, I’m pretty sure they weren’t aware of it, and so what, anyway? That doesn’t have to affect you in the least unless you let it.
you have identity problems?/issues? whatever you call yourself eurasian, half asian.. there are just labels, definitions, etc you wear on yourself. take a step back and just look at yourself as a human being with emotions..etc..
You say that this is all about my “feeeeelings”, and yes I am ANGRY at my parents, BUT for empirical, factual reasons. I do my best to de-personalize the conflict, to say that my parents represent what I hate, but are not what I hate. But since my parents do choose to psycholgize and personalize it about my personal problems and issues, and defend the most vulgar wm/af, then I have no choice but to attack them personally.
If the game of life is ultimately about nothing more than getting your selfish-gene passed on, then there are few worse places to be then an Asian-American male in 2011. To give objective facts about it according to Halfsigma’s “The female desirability advantage, by race” which shows the difference between males and females who are married by race, according to the 2010 census, the DIFFERENCE between Asian males who are married, and Asian females is a whopping 14.3%! The next highest is whites at 4.7%. That means there are 14.3% more Asian women ages 30-40 married than Asian males. And this only includes native-born! So those are the stats not feelings.
So whatever kindness my parents may show me as an individual, we’re fundamentally in conflict since they are the worst enemy of my phenotype despite being the cause of my genotype. An Asian dad could call me a spoiled brat, and say he had it even worse in America, so I should be grateful. But can either of my parents say that? Neither of them knows what its like to be an Asian man, in fact they are an example of the low-status of asian males, and they have the nerve to lecture me. Supposedly WM/AF to AM/WF is 3:1, hell I wish I saw 1 AM/WF for every 3. But from personal experience (and I do keep a look out for AM/WF, they stick out like a sore thumb even if you ain’t looking, while WM/AF is practically as natural as AM/AF) its seems like the ratio is 100:1.
Dude, your problem is with yourself!! Sorry, we don’t get to choose our parents, but aside from some immaleable physical characteristics we can change ourselves. And homeboy, you need to change some things! You sound like you are operating on pure self hate. You say you don’t mind interracial couplings, yet condemn your parents for it! It sounds like your parents are being rather rational about it. Your mom defending her choices and your dad trying to help you by delving into your feeliings. You didn’t mention your age and it is hard to ascertain. You sound very intelligent but you come across as a teenager with identity issues. You will never not be asian/white but you can embrace who you are! You talk about Asian men being less masculine but that you could pull some whopp *** on any white dude, so there, you just personally demolished your own stereotype. I, as a white woman, find Asian men very attractive. I find greatness in all races. And speaking purely of sexual attraction, race doesn’t even place as an issue! Except to maybe find another race than my own, white, exciting because it is exotic to me. Clearly you’re an intelligent guy and rationally you seem to know you are out of line. I highly doubt you will find support for your cause of anti wm/af, at least I hope you don’t! All races are beautiful and scientific research has shown that mixed race faces are considered most attractive. Chill out and cut your parents some slack! Maybe see a therapist to get some outside perspective on things and release your anger in a healthy way. Also look at yourself and try to make yourself whole. You are who you are and you will find plenty of people who are good with that. Hang in there and lighten up! I have two teenage daughters (white) and it positively warms my heart to see the parade of races come through our home in the bodies of these fully integrated teenage friendships. Black, Asian, Spanish, Islanders, even an Eskimo! And the kids constantly throw around racial (NOT RACIST) terms. The Wang brothers, aka Big Wang and Lil Wang, aka The Asian Sensations, sang happy birthday to my husband in Chinese!! I am sorry to make this so long, but I really feel for you and your parents and hope you all work it out. To quote The Beatles, love is all we need Best o luck lil nigga!
Make sure you have kids with a white women! Breed the asain outta your family.
I absolutely agree with this. You have my sanction as an Asian male, if it helps.
Makes complete logical sense as well. Replace the bad mtDNA and cut her line off. Just view your mother as a temporary interruption in your lineage. WMAF is really just a safety net for white males and asian females with lower mate value anyway, http://www.yelp.com/topic/palo-alto-asian-women-jealous-of-white-women-taking-their-attractive-asian-men.
be proud of who u r! Don’t care about what people think. I’m half Asian and many girls from all races, find me attractive. We have unique facial features. At the end of the day, u just have to be confident and love yourself. Start acting like a man and not some sissy bitch. You r just not happy with yourself so u find things and ppl to blame. Even if u were 100 percent white, your parents could have got bad genetics, bald gene, fat gene, acne gene etc. What would u do if u got acne, then got bald later on? You would probably blame it on your parents because u r some weak bitch! Stop being a wasteman! Love yourself!
Sounds to me like you have low self esteem and uneducated. A stupid fool actually, just to let you know I have a lot of friends who love half mixes and mainly half Asian and white.
How dare you blame your parents when even if both of your parents are white you mite of came out a uglyfuck anyways. So what then you blame your parents because your ugly or fat?
You create your destiny doesn’t matter what race you are. I have a friend whom is also half Asian and white and girls dull all over him.
My advise is to grow the fuck up and concentrate on things are really matter in life. You cock sucker.
I think asian lover might be sel’s dad. LOL
You have every right to be angry. This is the problem I see of mixed race getting in caught in between. Your dad has cursed you! Is shit like this that’s destroying the Asian and white race. Also it’s your action to get rid of that gene you don’t like either Asian or white. Seriously though this is a problem
This full-blooded Asian guy applauds you for sticking up for Asian men and voicing his grievances. As far as WM/AF are concerned, most of Asian men’s problems are with the AF and not with the WM. I tell my white friends that Asian women are easy for them and to treat them as such. I don’t want my white friends to end up with Asian women passing themselves off as lotus blossoms when in reality they are weeds. All of you hapas who see your white side as the glass half full and your Asian side as half empty should have some empathy for the author. He can’t pass himself off as white. White people treat him like he’s a china-man. It’s to his credit that he found empathy for the Asian man rather than hatred or disgust. I think its a testament to his morality that he’s ended up disparaging AF/WM.
I am a Eurasian woman born to a white dad and Asian mom. I am extremely depressed and wish I was never born. You should think long and hard before having children. I am not accepted by Whites or Asians . I have been in and out of psychiatric care. Your future daughter could be me. I was raised in Japan until age twelve and was bullied severely in Asia and even more severely in North America leading me to become a depressed, easily startled(I was physically assaulted regularly as a part of my bullying) individual.White women can be cruel and asian women, even and especially non westernised asian women can be just as, and in my case even more cruel than white women. I wish I was one or the other. I am not a bridge or “the best of both worlds”. I’m just a product of delusional dysfunction.
I implore you to stop idolizing asian/foreign women and interracial unions. I really hate being Eurasian and have been working up the courage to completely unplug from this world for a long time. My brother feels the same way, as well as many many other Eurasians I have spoken to both in real life and over the internet.
Many eurasians like myself seem happy , attractive, and functional on the surface.People compliment me on my smile, happy demeanour and “beauty” (though I think the people who say this are blind or lying) every day…. But inside, we harbour a great deal of pain (like how I spend hours doting over blogs that make self hatred well up in me and bring me to tears even though I can keep up a masquerade of being happy and cheery at work and school) . I have no hope, nowhere to go, no identity. We don’t belong anywhere and we come into existence because of shame ( on the part of the self hating (often female) Asian and a white man who is delusional, irrational and uses his wife and kids to act out a charade of ” getting back at” women of their in-group.
I beg you to please stop .
Asian women are so ugly
For white men, asian women are a safety net, Plan B.
B/c they couldn’t get a decent white women
Went out to a pub for my friends B-day. I got into a conversation with the girlfriend of one of my friends. She is mixed Asian and pregnant and he is white.
I don’t remember how we got on the topic but we started to talk about her taste in guys. She told me she found absolutely nothing attractive in Asian guys. “They don’t do anything for me.” I asked her why this was and she said it was just personal preference, her personality. I challenged her saying, “you don’t think that being born into a white society, watching white media, having mostly white peers, not seeing Asian men represented as attractive, had anything to do with it?”
She didn’t even think about it “no” she replied “Its just my personal preference. I can’t relate to Asian guys.”
So I challenged her again, “There are Asian guys who grew up just like you , born and raised here in this white dominated society”
“Asian guys just aren’t Attractive.” She said
“Isn’t that a sort of self loathing not to see the beauty in your own people?” I asked her.
“Well, me and my gf’s joke somtimes ‘God made Asian girls beautiful but didn’t do anything for Asian guys’ ” She thought that was clever.
Now this issue doesn’t bug me as much as used to but when I heard that it shocked me a little. How can this girl be so blind and so arrogant. I didn’t know she was preg at the time.
“Ooo, that hurts.” I told her.
“Its just a joke. Don’t be offended” making it seem like I was being sensitive.
“Jokes are based on reality or perceived realities. ‘God forgot about asian men’, thats harsh”
And heres what she said to that, “Well you’re only half asian, so you really can’t say anything.”
I’d been trying hard not to judge this lady but when she said that she hit a nerve.
“Oooo now that really hurts, I’m only half asian and so my opinion is irrelevant? Why do you have to bring negativitiy in this world?”
“What are you talking about, I wasn’t being negative. You’re only half so you don’t count” she said
“Thats the stupidest thing I ever heard. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
At this point I was beyond trying to help this lady see how asian men see this issue and perhaps help her see past the forces that blind her. Lost cause. Later when I found out she was pregnant I thought a thought I have far too often “poor kid who is brought into the world to have a ignorant mother who does not like her own people.”
If I knew she was pregnant I would have told her that if she kept that clouded warped perception her child would suffer. But now that I think about it maybe I wouldn’t waste my breath. I believe in us mixed people. That kid will pull through and realize its mother’s short sightedness and grow to have an awareness greater than she ever had.
Being a Eurasian male I understand the logic and sentiment of the dismal blogs on this post, but I really think you gotta change your attitude. Let me present an alternative viewpoint.
I am the product of a white father and Filipino mother, and I have to admit that I was just raised very American, almost with no sense of being Asian whatsoever, partly due to the fact that I was not raised in a large metropolitan area with much Asian influence. It seems that the biggest issue here is the notion that the Asian female is somewhat giving up her Asian identity in search of a white male in a sociological quest to assimilate into whiteness, whereas the white male is using his privilege to gain access to the Asian female by virtue of his “race”. The Asian male is left unpaired by his own “race”, as many of the Asian females seek to deny that they are Asian, thus giving more rise in power to the white male sociologically.
I think the greatest fallacy however to your criticism of your parents however is that the relationship of your parents was likely mostly is founded out of love and attraction, even if there was a sociological component involved. To white males that have yellow fever, you can’t deny that they honestly really do see Asian females as very attractive, even if sociologically white Europeans sought to historically establish themselves as the dominant “race” historically. There was a blogger who said that “Asian women are so ugly and for white women, Asian women are a safety net, Plan B.”
I suppose that in my family experience, I can’t really say that this is the case. Honestly, I think my dad just had yellow fever, and he truly honestly sees my mom as Plan A. Surely, white women in western society may have been socialized to be near the top of the ladder in terms of beauty, but it isn’t necessarily the case that that every white male sees it this way. Take Mark Zuckerberg for instance who is European American – he married an Asian American woman. I mean let’s be honest, with that guys net worth, he had a lot of options on the marriage market. He could get a girl of any “race”, color, or culture because he’s filthy rich. Yet, the guy’s primary motive likely was that he really does see her as extremely attractive for whatever sociological reason, but ultimately the marriage was formed out of love, attraction, or friendship.
I’m also not going to deny that in western society Asian men are somewhat demasculinized by the Asian female, which is where I feel a lot of the frustration arises in some of these bloggers. And I’m not denying that European colonialism and imperialism really sociologically screwed up a lot of the western world, especially in terms of slavery, color, and caste. I definitely agree with you that sociologically the Asian male is viewed in a different light in the western world. Yet, there still are a ton of Asian men that are seen to be incredibly masculine, have incredibly successful careers, make a lot of money, and have extremely intelligent or good looking wives of all “races”. And I’m not saying that the Eurasian male should even necessarily stay within the white or Asian dating realm, I mean just the virtue of being mixed race pretty much makes anything fair game. I think there are major opportunities for Asian men in dating women even outside the USA, or even different “races” outside of Asian or white. The fact that interracial dating is becoming more normal, and the fact that Asian males are sociologically viewed as being very intelligent, having money, and being very successful in career is a major benefit.
One other main counterargument to the self depreciating Eurasian blogger is that most of my Eurasian friends I can think of have intelligent and attractive girlfriends or wives. One of my Eurasian friends just got engaged to a white American girl, another one of my Eurasian friends is dating an attractive Asian American girl, and another one married a British Egyptian girl. I personally had a black girlfriend for several years, a white girlfriend, a Hispanic girlfriend, and an Asian girlfriend. In fact, I feel that my Eurasian pass actually somewhat helped me be able to have access to all of these different “races” of girls. To be honest, being of mixed “race”, I honestly feel like was actually a major benefit to me in the dating sense.
I mean you kind of just gotta work with what you got born with, but make yourself look good. That’s life. If you aren’t fit, get fit. I’m sorry, but if you don’t look good, you don’t workout, you don’t dress well, it doesn’t really matter what “race” you are. Start doing cardio, get on a diet, lift weights, and have something to say. Mixed Asian male can be very sexy, exotic looking, and sophisticated. To be quite honest, I’m sick of hearing these self depreciating blogs, being Eurasian is an asset not a liability. Get in shape, get out there and meet people, and go find some chicks.