I: Its clear that all Eurasian men are in hopeless situations. They might be able to deny it for a while, and even appear happy and content on the outside, as I myself was able to do for many years. But the crisis inside them, relentlessly crushes them. I read stories about supposed loser men and their burdens, and none of them compares with the Eurasian. It really is a modern day curse to be born of a white dad and asian mom. And it doesn’t matter who they are
individuals. The sexual situation is set up in America, that the WMAF relationship in and of itself is intrinsically harmful to the psychology of their sons. I’m not saying its fair to my parents. But the whole situation is not fair. And these are the results. Like it or not, this is what all WMAF produces in their sons.

U: And you feel that no decisions on your part could have rescued you from this situation?

I: I’m sitting on my hands now, no denying it. But I didn’t always. I have tried every possible way to make peace with the world. I have surrendered and prostituted myself to my worst enemies to make a deal. I was ready to accept any terms. I called it unconditional surrender, V-J day and I meant it. And before it came to this crisis point, I had already been experimenting with multiple possible life paths. When it was clear that sexuality would play no place in my life, I seriously pursued becoming a Christian Monk. I was ready to make any deal with anyone.

U: Your definition of surrender to American culture is flirting with beautiful white girls.

I: I wouldn’t call anything I do flirting. And as I said, I also pursued becoming a Monk. Right now over the last few days, I even considered living a Monkish life in Asia. I’m widely open-minded. I’m reasonable for any possible deal. I have done everything possible to preserve this Hapa life. As much as someone who loves and clings to life. I who hate life. I have more than fulfilled my fiduciary responsibility to this life I hate so much. If there was any possible Hapa life to be lived, I would have found it.

U: You use the term Hapa life, implying that this is purely a racial issue.

I: Its impossible to separate the universal rejection, from the situation of being a Hapa son of WMAF. These are the particular racial-sexual circumstances prevailing in America. WMAF happens in the way it does, with such rhetoric, to fulfill that niche. I’ve discussed it 100s of times. My life is a Hapa life. Defined by being half white and half Asian. And its impossible to understand without that fact. With it, it all falls into place.

U: At this point, you just want an escape from life?

I: I see clearly now, that no Hapa man life will ever be worth living. I see just how desperate the Hapa situation is. Frankly, I don’t even care about these petty issues of race and sex anymore. In the grand scheme of things, when you are not going to exist, those are rather small. Perhaps the future wave of Eurasian men, will find their way, perhaps they wont. It wouldn’t matter to me, if I ceased to exist. But yeah, a couple of more years of this is unbearable.

U: Now you have stated that if your parents were to allow you to be a permanent basement-dweller you would call it even with them. And freed from the world, you could live relatively long-term. Perhaps decades more.

I: In this sense race is a social construct. I never wanted to think of myself as Eurasian or Asian. And under free conditions I would not have. This identity was socially imposed on me. Because everyone saw the Eurasian in my face. And they imposed Asian on me, against my will. Without this social imposition, I don’t have to define myself in terms primarily of being half-asian. If I could be left alone. The high school squabbles with my parents, seems so petty now, knowing that I would end up this. I would have been more chilled and laid back, if I knew nothing mattered and this was my destiny anyway.

U: Now from there point of view, its for your own good to be a normal human being.

I: But its not a possibility. And we have to keep the selfish gene aspect in mind. They could have just adopted kids. They selfishly believed there was something worth preserving in their WMAF genes. I told my white dad, that eugenics would have prevented my parents from mating, and a freak like me from being born. And he thinks so-called intelligence proves I’m not an inferior mixture. Lets see the fruit of this Eurasian brightness. This writing is the only thing my brain has ever produced. I’m not a normal human being. I’m not capable of living a normal life. And I wont take on the responsibilities. I should live like Rain Man. They’re right, if I’m unable to support myself, their future deaths, will mean my death. That might be true. So I would have to commit suicide, a couple of decades from now, because I would be totally incapable of functioning as an independent adult. Granted. They are correct. But by denying me this, they aren’t ‘saving’ me. I’m not ever going to shape up and be a functional male. Instead of killing myself, in a few decades, I’ll have to die, much sooner. Thats the only result.

U: Now, Hapas are not the only evil in the world.

I: Its all connected. I would say WMAF, in its current form, perfectly embodies all the evil trends floating around the world. The ideology of cruelty and sadism is realized in WMAF. It is a substantiation of all the evil in the world. Perhaps not the leader, but a joiner in the trends. And as a Hapa male I’m the incarnation of evil. But sure the regular evils of the world, are enough to lead any thinking, feeling white male to suicide. Such as a Mitchel Heisman. I think if a universal, coloress (white) man, were to seriously examine the circumstances of human existence, he would come to anti-natalist conclusions. But those who are generally comfortable or at least tolerable in their lives can endure it. Eurasian life is totally unendurable.

U: You couldn’t do anything for yourself, do you regret not helping others?

I: I tried with all my heart.

U: You tried to help your ’causes’, driven by your anger and hatred at being Eurasian. But you weren’t exactly saintly towards individuals. When have you ever helped another human being? Providing laughs for white girls, by being a semi-entertaining freak show, is not exactly charity work.

I: I tried my best to provide foreign aid, even to my own detriment. But it was impossible to be effective, when I myself was a nation in collapse. In racial civil war.

U: Your only cause was the Eurasian cause.

I: Only if Eurasian is broadly understood, as discussed earlier, to be the symbol of all the evils in the world. My activities in the real world, actually had very little to do with being Eurasian. Sure if you trace my psychology and motivations, yes its always about being Hapa. But theres no direct link.

U: You focus all your hatred on WM and AF. But the fact is, you’ve never had any negative interactions with AF. You’ve been ok with them. Does it make sense to be so hateful over stuff you read on the internet? Agreed, the AF as created by the web, is a devious monster. But why hate real people over an internet caricature? If anything your interactions with AF are better than they’ve been with AM and WFs, who you have only good things to say about. Those little, innocent white girls bullied you in elementary school. Teased you, mocked you, gave you cooties. Sure you had more problems with white boys than asian boys. But this was just because there are a lot more whites in America. Proportional to their population, your interactions with Asian guys, have been as ugly as with white. Those you hate, those you love, are based entirely on statistics and internet anecdotes, not on personal experiences.

I: Are the facts untrue?

U: Should you hate based on facts, you never personally encountered?

I: I wouldn’t say never.

U: But you admit its primarily from these external sources?

I: They helped amplify what I had already experienced personally. They provided a narrative explanation that fit my personal data.

U: You read some article on the internet, and it plunges you into a new depression. Do you honestly feel the people around you hated you?

I: I wouldn’t deny it.

U: Even the Lotte to your Young Werther?

I: Lotte is just a symbol. A pretty Germanic face to make suicide more Wertherian. Nothing more than a blue cloak to be worn in imitation.

U: A prop in a stage drama.

I: Any storyline is better than the Hapa one. Perhaps it would be a stupid idea to have a Eurasian suicide. Except that it is easier to die with shallow ugliness than sublime beauty. With these WMAF issues, I know quite clearly in my gut, why I’m dying. If its so high and beautiful, its hard to die over it. Its easier to die in ugliness.

U: You wanted to run back to Asia, to escape your hated white people. Is Lotte, a German Nazi that hates you?

I: I’d rather not drag my happiness into my hapaness. Even if it was a fake happy. Not everything in my life, needs to be pissed on by Hapa. But at the end of the day. Yes. All of them. Its the whole system of Hapa oppression. And I’d have to say they are all part of it. And if I was to run away, I’d be running away from everyone. But there is no place to run to, so long as I live. I need to outrun life itself.

U: These are your feelings?

I: The moments which are so dear and important to me, mean absolutely nothing in the scheme of things. If you muddy them with Hapaness, they shall be as filthy as everything else. They mean nothing to the world. I prefer to keep them locked up in my heart, away from my Hapa. But if one insists on dragging it into the light, it to shall be filled with Eurasian ugliness. Nothing escape the shadows.

U: Then you have no interest in pursuing any remaining life projects?

I: I would hate to live another 10 years. There would be no nightmare greater than that. I’m surprised I have lived this long. Twas not my intention to. And the longer I live, the more my hatred of life is confirmed. No one will ever understand the Eurasian male. I see that all my words have been in vain. The Eurasian, is totally and completely alone. Every Eurasian, must make the choice for himself, on whether his life is worth living or not. But no human being will ever understand the Eurasian. We shall forever be cut off.

U: Is it self-centered of you to see all the evils of the universe embodied in the Eurasian son?

I: It is the epicenter of racial and sexual conflict right now. Every white troll with nasty views on the internet, can be assumed to have an Asian fetish. Asians have become the Queens of evil white nerds. For men who believe that women exist to be their slaves, they used to think that PUA could browbeat women into submission through negative comments. It turns out that negging a girl’s hair isn’t the same thing as being a caveman dragging her by her hair. And so there has been a Red Pill retreat with white women. Marked with Roosh’s humiliating defeat in Feminist Denmark. And since then we’ve since a shift to focus on Asian men as the target, and not white women. The insults are for Asian males, not white girls. Defeat Asian men, take their submissive women. The anger that used to be concentrated on women, is now reserved for Asian men. Ironically these MRAs consider Asian men to patriarchal. White women need to be slapped around to be put in their place. But Asian women are gentle lotus flowers that need to be tended to and protected by White PUA Feminists. It is a mountain of contradictions. But its really all just justification, for the simple fact that Asian women are considered easy for white nerds. The rest is just rhetoric. I would also add that with the sexualization of the HBD race-realist movement, blacks are actually kind of admired as an Alpha Male race. They are at least respected as competition. And so racial issues have become more and more defined as White vs Asian rather than White vs Black. If the traditional enemies of the White male were Black men and white women. He has now concentrated both his racial and sexual hatred on Asian men now. And the scary thing is, these are the men who are going to be raising the next generation of Asian sons. We can say that this generation of Asians, is a population of captives, being held in slavery by hateful white men.

U: Now you have always said, even back in 2011, that your parents are not uniquely evil. Is it fair to judge them for belonging to a category? After all, thats your big beef with being Eurasian. If people would judge you for the content of your character, you wouldn’t complain. Its being judged for belonging to the category of Asian, that you hate. Are you not doing the same thing?

I: The very nature of WMAF in which each additional WMAF adds to the emasculation of Asian men, makes them participants in WMAF privilege just by being WMAF. If the genders had been reversed, it wouldn’t have been so convenient for an Asian male foreigner in America to find a white bride. The gender pairing of my parents is not by accident. Its not a coincidence that the white is the dad and the asian is the mom. Statistically I had a much higher chance of being born of WMAF than to AMWF. In this sense there is an inherent tension between WMAF and their sons. Is every last WMAF evil? I suppose there can be white men with very good politics, who happens to have an Asian wife. Should he be demonized on that account? At the same time, white liberals are willing to recognize that white privilege exists in a structural relation to Blacks, even where unintentional. To point that out in regard to Asians, is considered out of line however. If white liberals can talk about structural racism for Blacks, I don’t see why we should just pretend that Asians are just nerdy white people.

U: Now you have tried to be precise in your claims, and reference stats, studies, anecdotes where possible. To what extent can you precisely say that WMAF and AMWF is a inverse relationship? That the increase in WMAF is responsible for the fall in AMWF.

I: There is a chart that shows since the 1980s, the gap between WMAF and AMWF has expanded. That is the definition of an inverse relation. As WMAF goes up, AMWF goes down. And I think its easy to reason out why this is the case. If WMAF is based on the premise that Asian males are not men. Then as WMAF provides more and more proof of the lack of Asian manhood, then they will become even less attractive to white women. Its in this way, that ALL WMAF parents are in direct conflict with their sons.

U: You believe that the large numbers of WMAF is a major cause for the lack of AMWF. And it must be a major cause, or you would be silly for concentrating so much angst on a minor cause.

I: Both a cause and effect. The emasculation of Asian men, makes it easier for white nerds to WMAF. This in turn further castrates Asians. Which gives excuse for more Asian women to WMAF. Its a feedback loop. And clearly it does send a message to women of all races. Its not fun being a Eurasian son of WMAF. I really can’t imagine any racial combination, pure or mixed, with either gender, worse than being the son of WMAF. And if its true that the worst white men marry Asian. You have the combination of the worst white individuals mixing their genes with the worst race. Quite the opposite of a WMAF master race. More like the worst race possible. And what have the results been? If we look at the track record of actual sons of white dads and asian moms, and not AMWF/turkish/kazakh/quapa cheating, then the results bare me out. Despite their huge numbers, and in many cases financial wealthy, WMAF has not produced a single successful son. Tommy Chong was an AMWF son. His mother was Lorna Jean (née Gilchrist), a waitress of Scots-Irish and French ancestry,[4] and his father was Stanley Chong, a Chinese truck driver who immigrated to Canada from China in the 1920s. Why is it that AMWF despite being so much smaller has all the successful sons? WMAF pretends its an accident, and that their Eurasian son can be a Brandon Lee or Dean Cain Tanaka. A Eurasian is a Eurasian they say. And they don’t bother asking the obvious question, that if you outnumber AMWF 100:1, why are you the ones stealing their sons? We saw the same phenomenon not on the celebrity level but on my personal life. When the AMWF son in high school was a football jock with a white girlfriend, while I was a freak. Again, not a

U: You believe it is harder for a WMAF Eurasian son to AMWF than for a full Asian male?

I: WMAF will scream at the top of their lungs that it SHOULDN’T be the case. Actual facts be damned. Its just too against their ideology. Whiteness equals success. Since the WMAF son is more white, by definition he should be more successful. And this is a tautology, no need for actual data. The inability to name a successful WMAF son, means nothing. Again part of it is the Uncanny Valley. If you want white you can easily get full white. If you want Asian you can get Asian. AMWF exists. And the WF in it want AM. The other part of it is the genetic and psychological consequences of Hapa sons being the sons of the worst white men. WMAF wants to believe that the worst white men are better than the best Asian men. The contrast between AMWF and WMAF sons clearly refutes that. But they don’t care about facts. Their ideology says whites are always right. And reality doesn’t matter. I’m not aware of a single Eurasian male, in the history of the world, who has ever dated a white girl.

U: Are white girls at all to blame, for holding Eurasian men in such disgust in account of their race?

I: I can put myself in the shoes of a full-Asian man. Would I want to be friends with a WMAF son, who is the offspring of parents who degrade my masculinity? No! Flip side. As a white woman, would I want to date the sons of Boycott Western Women? No.

U: You think Western women boycott WMAF sons as revenge?

I: I’m not saying they do. But that would be a totally justified reason to.

U: But you do believe that women who are willing to date full-Asian men and AMWF Hapas are specifically boycotting the sons of white men who boycotted western women?

I: I don’t think its an organized movement like the MGTOWs who boycott western women in favor of Happier Abroad, eastern women. I know for a fact, that no white woman has ever spoken in these terms. All I’m saying is 1 she would be justified in doing so. And 2. the actual fact is I have seen AMWF with my own eyes, I’ve seen AMWF Hapas dating white girls with my own eyes. But I have never seen nor even heard of any WMAF Eurasian whatsoever dating a white girl. There has to be something to that pattern.

U: But its not intentional on the part of white women?

I: Maybe eurasian men really are inferior specimens. And thats why even white women who would give Asian and AMWF Hapa men a chance, will never give a WMAF Hapa a chance.

U: Do you feel you have been singled out for this?

I: I don’t want to point fingers at anyone. But here I’m on this blog. Nothing personal against anyone. But if we had to make a prediction on where a WMAF son would end up, I perfectly fulfill that stereotype. I have met universal rejection, in the manner expected of a Eurasian man. We can just say Eurasians are inferior specimens. There doesn’t have to be any boycott. WMAF just makes bad sons, that no one wants. Thats all there is to it. Its not some conspiracy of vengeful white women to punish Happier Abroads.

U: Lets get this straight. Because there is a big AMWF:WMAF gap, its impossible for you as a WMAF son to live.

I: Because of the combination of factors that lead to the AMWF:WMAF masculinity gap, the manhood of Eurasians is totally worthless. And our own parents, willingly or not, contribute to it. This is totally destructive to the psychology of the Eurasian male. We have had white women on this blog say I’m wrong, because they are dating Asian or AMWF Hapa men. That ‘proves’ that I’m just being paranoid and white women are willing to date me. But we’ve never had a white woman even pretend they are are dating a WMAF Eurasian man. WMAF Hapas are just the worst race. Theres nothing else to it. Someone has to be born to the worst race. Due to the large numbers of WMAF, a lot of men have to be born the worst race. And I was one of them. And I’ll be damned, if I know what to do with this Hapa life. Again its not just sex. I will never be socially or professionally accepted anywhere in America, by men or women of any race, since Hapas are just hated. Oh maybe cute Hapa girls are ok. But Hapa men? Universal hatred by everyone of all sexes and races. Even good people hate Hap as, since the sins of the parents are inherited by us.

U: How good are these good people if they punish you for your parents? In your own words your parents aren’t evil. You aren’t evil. So why are all these ‘good people’ punishing you for having parents who belong to a category that includes a lot of evil people?

I: Its not a conscious decision.

U: So you believe unconscious racial-sexual factors are a strong driving force in all people, good or bad?

I: I don’t believe trends happen by accident. I will be honest, I feel that I will never be able to connect, even with the few good people I admire. That I will always be held at arm’s length from them due to my Hapaness. They might be polite and civil to me. But I will never be friends with them, because my Hapa makes me an alien. And perhaps being the son of WMAF, would be a taint on their goodness. Perhaps I’m an inherently corrupting force, and have no business with goodies. Anyway most people are evil anyhow.

U: Its quite a sad story, you’re telling, why are all these good people bleeding hearts over other people’s problems, but without sympathy for Eurasians?

I: Its not direct state or economic oppression. They will say that I just want my Half-White privilege. People are free to associate with who they want. You can’t force people to be friends with Hapas. Hapas are not people. Its not just them, its me. The worst part of other people, is that I have to see my Hapa reflection in their eyes.

U: In a way, rather than being jealous of WMAF, white women are actually relieved by it. If its going to take the heat of the worst white misogynists off them. If all that gender hatred, is going to be concentrated on submissive Geishas and not white girls. So much the better for white girls. Its not white women being hurt by Boycott Western Women, its WMAF sons. The dagger meant for Western Women, has struck the Eurasian son in the heart.

I: Its true, no one has an interest in supporting Hapa issues. We are society’s trash. Rather than solve these racial and sexual issues, better to throw it all on the back of Eurasian men. They are the scapegoats. White men, Asian women, white women can all live together in peace, with the Eurasian male taking on all the suffering for them. Their peace is bought at the expense of Eurasian slavery. And this is why even people who have no direct stake in WMAF, are quite happy to leave Hapas enslaved by their WMAF parents.

U: This whole back to Asia movement is more symbolic rhetoric than a practical scheme. It is another attempt to undue your WMAF birth. You romanticize how much better life would have been if your mom had stayed in Asia and married an Asian man. This is your chance to pretend your mom never left Asia. But the very impossibility of this task, is a reminder of how impossible it is to erase your WMAF birth. You can’t just pretend you didn’t live this Eurasian life. And with the language and citizenship barrier, you are just as cut off from Asia as you are from Whites. This is what it means to be a tragic Eurasian. You belong neither East nor West. You can’t just pretend you weren’t born in America to a white dad and asian mom. That you lived here, not there.

I: Perhaps it is partially metaphorical language about undoing my birth. But a metaphor can be both rhetorical and practical at the same time. Yes this is a chance to recapture the AMAF birth in Asia, I never had. But if my primary problem is racism in USA, this is my chance to never see white people.

U: You have even less prospects in Asia, than you do in USA. Sure if you had the financial resources to be an idler and a dilettante. But then you could just hide out in USA anyway.

I: Heres my best case scenario for Asia. I find a way to teach English in a off the beaten track city, where I never have to encounter foreigners. The pay is low, but its worth it to avoid whites. Slowly I deepen my language skills and integrate into the culture. I get a longterm work visa. And perhaps I do eventually become a citizen.

U: You as the adult son of an Asian woman, actually have less of a chance of getting citizenship in her country than a White Expat with an Asian wife. You are as cut off from Asia as a white man at this point. Its a stupid scheme, that can’t work. Its a metaphor. You wish, your mom had never come to America. If she came from dirt poor poverty you could appreciate the economic gains. But since there isn’t that, you have nothing but hatred of your birth. You look enviously on your imagined life as an AMAF son in Asia. Now you want to steal that life from pretend you. But you can’t. Its never going to be that, your Asian mom stayed in Asia and married an Asian man. This wont change that. You will never undue your WMAF birth so long as you live. Hapas don’t belong in Asia. Just look at how Amerasians were treated in Vietnam, as proof of what Asians really think of you offspring of imperialist aggression.

I: Don’t belong East or West or anywhere.

U: You can try it, if you just wanna kill some time. But Asia is not going to clean up America’s WMAF mess. America is stuck with you Hapa sons. this is a western problem. If it were white women flocking to Asia, then Asia would have to do it. Since its white men, bringing their brides home, this will always be a problem for the West. Nice try trying to dump your human garbage in Asia.

I: theres no denying that the origins of this, lay in my thought experiments of what life would be like had my mom stayed in Asia and married Asian. When I discovered that her country’s GDP per capita would eventually surpass the USA’s, and had less economic inequality, meaning a higher median income, that was the last straw. I couldn’t even say I had been paid off for my misery. I enjoy the hell of being Eurasian in America, and I’m probably poorer for it, than if my mom had married Asian. And thats when I started imagining how much better that life would be. To the extent that I tried to seek it. Thats all true. But it doesn’t mean this plot can’t stand on its own feet.

U: you’d be a total foreigner in Asia. Its not the same as being born there. Theres nothing for you in America, but that doesn’t mean theres anything for you anywhere else either. You’re clutching at straws here.

I: I’ve done my best to exhaust all possibilities for living a Hapa life. With these dead ends, I become more convinced that Hapa life is inherently unlivable. The worst of racial and sexual conflict is embodied in the WMAF Hapa. I just don’t see how we can live. All the evils of the world, are in a fixed point on me.

U: All is lost for you?

I: As much as I hate this life, I’ve fulfilled all obligations to search every possible option of saving it. No more can be asked of me. If there is anyway a Hapa life can be lived, I woulda tried it. The original case from 2011, about why Hapa life sucks still stands. I truly do believe, that it is impossible to live as a WMAF son. Its clear to me now, I will be no more accepted in Asia, than I’m in USA.

U: And life in USA?

I: Thats been my primary focus up till the last 2 days. I’ve written tons on how unlivable life is for a Hapa in USA. The universal hatred I receive. Yeah, we had some fun moments in 2011, but clearly its no solution. Hapa life can’t be lived. Don’t be born Eurasian.

I: I have been doing some research on Asian citizenship. And it seems I might have missed the boat on this one. It is true that matrileneal citizenship is provided for foreigners. Having an Asian mom is enough to become a citizen. But this only applies for minors. As an adult I’m in the same boat as the white expats who whine on their forums about how despite residing in Asia for 20 years, and having an Asian wife and kids, he still can’t become a citizen. I would be in the same position as a white expat. Its not to say that its impossible, but my Asian mom would provide no advantage to me. Which is a good metaphor for my whole life. She has been no more able to give me a passport to Asia, than my dad has been able to give me white privilege.

U: Aren’t you always looking for excuses to dismiss solutions? If the basic facts of yesterday still stand, you can still get a work visa, and occasionally come back home. If Asia, really does offer an escape from American problems, then you should take it.

I: Becoming an expat ESL teacher would be the epitomie of what I hate. The very fact that WMAF propagandists see dumping their kids in Asia, as the solution to their problems, is proof that its a bad idea.

U: There is nothing wrong with Asians teaching other Asians, the English language. Its true that ESL has become the definition of WMAF. But if you could be the sole English teacher, in an area without foreigners, you would be granted what you wished.

I: Yeah, to the extent thats possible. If I would have to work in some ESL institution with white expats, that would be far worse than USA. And we have a test case right on this blog. A Eurasian who went back to Asia, because he was sick of life in American culture. And he is on the brink of suicide. Its hard to see his path as a model solution. I don’t think this American problem is going to be solved in Asia.

U: Last night you were inclined to this option, what has changed?

I: Specifically the idea was that I could steal the life of my unborn imaginary AMAF half-bro. I was envious of his life in Asia as a pure Asian male in the Confucian hive. And I romanticized and glamorized his life so much, that the question arose, why not steal it? Sure as a Eurasian emigre, I would never truly have a racial home. But to the extent that I could approach the ordinary life of an Asian born in Asia, perhaps I could forget the nightmare of being a Hapa American. It works very well for Hapa girls looking to escape their creep white dads. But as usual, the road is far harder for the Hapa male. If citizenship was as simple as being my Mom’s son. At least that hurdle would be passed. But as a mere foreign devil, I would be oceans apart from Asian normality.

U: You can still make a trip to Asia, try to find work, and give it a chance. A recon mission as you put it. Perhaps it turns out to be a mirage or a hell. But suicide will be waiting for you when you get back. You don’t owe your readers a rational explanation for suicide. Its clear that no matter what efforts you make, and what data you present, most will consider suicide always wrong for all people under all circumstances. These people are useless to convince. If you waste a few more months, and are wrong, you can still die. Psychologists have shown that most suicides don’t occur at the blackest depths of depression, for then one is paralyzed with apathy. It is only when recovery begins, that one actually has the energy to execute a suicide. In that sense, coming out of your despair, might be the first step to ending your life. Perhaps life is hell. What is an extra few months of recon, just to be absolutely sure?

I: I’m not going to be tricked into living forever.

U: You would still be dead by the end of the year.

I: Months becomes years, then its too late.

U: If things become that desperate, and your WMAF parents selfishly refuse to support you. Then even alive, you can become a public spokesman against them. You can speak out at public events about the hellishness of being a Eurasian son. If it comes to the point, in which you are impoverished and can’t escape the cage of life. Then you can become a public Hapa activist. There would be no reason, not to show your Hapa face at that point. If it comes to that worst case scenario. But theres no reason, you can’t visit Asia, and still be dead within a year, if thats what you desire.

I: Asia does not have the obligation nor the ability to be the solution to WMAF sons.

U: It may or may not be realizable. But if you find a job in Asia, in which you can avoid all foreigners, than at least the racial aspect of your case can be erased. And clearly that is a big part of it.

I: Coming back to this blog has been a big distraction. I can’t focus when these SEL issues dominate me.

U: Its better not to hide from your issues, but to talk your way through them. Face them head on. Thats what you did in 2011, and it bought you peace for a year.

I: I don’t think Hapa issues, will ever be resolved until I stop being Hapa.

U: Perhaps the lead up to the trip to Asia, is more important than the trip itself. Give America one last chance, in the spirit of 2010, before leaving her shores forever. At the risk of sounding grandiose, take on the entire Asian identity, like Jesus absorbing the sins of all humanity. You are the only Asian in the world. And those insults are not directed at a group called Asian. But you personally- Mr.Hapa. You can take it. What if all those Asian slurs, are just personal insults for Mr.Hapa? Are they not deserved? If Mr.Hapa was a man, he would have suicided 1000 times by now. Can you claim that you deserve anything better?

I: People are cruel apes, but anything beats the internet.

U: You jumped out of the pan of meatspace into the hellish flames of cyberspace. Reading online, is the worst possible place to escape the evils of human nature.

I: If I were guaranteed permanent isolation from apes, I wouldn’t need to think about them.

U: Thats just an excuse. If you avoid human contact, there is no reason to even think of Hapa issues. This is self-torture. You can’t even blame the trolls as they are just tools you use to scourge yourself with. Don’t blame your instrument of torture, blame yourself for using it against yourself. You have fed the wolf of negativity, a mountain of raw flesh.

I: Get back out there into American life, then give Asia a chance.

U: And if it doesn’t work out, which is admittedly quite likely, you can die secure in the fact that you did everything possible to live this Hapa life. But you were just dealt too bad a hand. Since, childhood you have tried everything you possible can, to make the most out of this Hapa life. And if its just true, that you are predestined to fail. There is no shame in abandoning the capsule of your body at that moment. One last effort. The last full measure of your devotion.

I: And then eternal, peaceful, dreamless sleep. I’m so tired of life. It would be nice to slumber and never wake up. To have never been born Hapa.

U: It might well be, that a Hapa life is just unlivable, and theres nothing anyone can do with it. You tried your best. You didn’t sit on your hands. You showed energy and drive in trying to turn the tide. To the best of your ability, which was admittedly scant.

I: More and more, I fall into biological determinism. And just believe there is no use for WMAF genes. And we can add in nurture to, such as WMAF upbringing, and US reaction to Asians. Genes or environment, they equally predestine me to failure.

U: Oriental Fatalism.

I: Or naive Tiger Mom, blank slatism, believing children can be shaped like clay, by hard Confucian pounding. Whites are the ones who just accept their kids are bad at math. Asians are the ones who drill it in. So sure you can call it Oriental fatalism. Or its the Western fatal flaw. All the drilling in the world, can’t take the Hapa out of the Eurasian.

U: Whats next for you?

I: I might give consideration to the proposal to give life one last chance. But of course if it is undertaken under a spirit of pessimism its already doomed to fail. And yet how do I fake energy for a cause I don’t believe in?

U: You reason out the precise reasons you don’t believe in it.

I: I’m tired and exhausted with life in America. Although admittedly the web is so brutal, I actually miss flesh and blood Americans. Perhaps that one of the biggest pushes outside of the basement. If I’m going to spend all day online reading anti-Hapa hate, I might as well face real life Americans. Its at the point, where I can say nothing is worse than this. I lack faith in Asia, for the reasons I’ve mentioned. This isn’t the 1st time the Asian solution has been mentioned. And these same doubts were raised before.

U: Can you give this just a few months of commitment? To America and Asia. And if the end result is your funeral, so be it.

I: And why is my life so precious, that we have to make all this effort to save it?

U: You had a little fun in 2011.

I: And so what good is breaking my neck to recapture it? The high will only last a month. And then I’m faced again with this hellish reality. But my suicide, is delayed yet again, because its hard to abandon life full of false hope, with the glow of recent joys.

U: Then you admit life can be joyful?

I: For any normal person, what I describe as ‘joy’ would be awkward and humiliating. The worst social failures of their lives. It says something that this is the happiness I cling to. Not one of these moments would be worth living for anyone but me.

U: They only have to mean something to you.

I: If I could only stop being Eurasian for a moment, that would be my happiness.

U: Its not too late. You were ready to die in 2013. Its clear you needed a break then, even if the crisis was forced on you, but your ignorant WMAF parents. They just can’t see that a Eurasian son, will never live a normal human life. You needed a cooling off period for 2013. And you had to cool your heels in 2014 too.

I: I don’t think that all progress has to be in actions. The activity of the mind is valuable too. And I think I had many thoughts through these years. Although I don’t think I’m any closer to solving anything.

U: Even sinking to see just how low things can get is progress. To know you are the lowest of the low, worst of the worst. There is liberation in that.

I: Its true this blog hasn’t been as focused on Eurasian issues as in 2011. In a way because I said it all back then. It really shouldn’t be mystery of why a WMAF son would be unhappy with his situation. And there are others doing a very good sociological analysis of the sexual situation of Eurasian men. With those facts already presented, now we have to decide how does a Hapa man live with all that? What kind of life can he live? And can he live it? But the problem of being accepted no where in the world, neither in Asia or in USA, is indeed a uniquely Eurasian issue. Not belonging in East or West, is what it means to be Hapa.

U: Whats your final decision?

I: I’m not sure. I need more facts on what exactly my situation will be in Asia. I will talk to my mom about the details. As for coming out of retirement in America? IDK. To be honest, one of the main reasons would be to escape this blog. I’m running back into the reality, to escape the hell of blogging.

U: The important thing is you commit all one way or the other. Half-measures are worse than worthless in these times.

I: In high school, I said I didn’t want to commit suicide, because I wanted to stay in the game to see where it was all going. Now I have a much better idea of where its all flowing. And things have gotten consistently worse since then. Now I have very little desire to stay in the game of life, to wait for another spin of the dice. I don’t have to prove to myself that my suicide is 100% justified. Maybe I die with a winning lottery ticket in my pocket. Doesn’t mean I will be around to regret my decision. I would die happy, knowing I had left a horrible life. And its not like money would solve the problems I’m dealing with. If I were a millionaire, all I could buy is isolation.

U: Come out of retirement for a few months. Visit Asia. Then discard of you life as you see fit.

I: This is just a delaying tactic!

U: You have delayed for years sitting on your hands. Now delay for months, with a little bit of activity.

I: I don’t see what mysteries this will solve. I seriously doubt I will recapture 2011. I will only defile her memory. But I had 2012, and it only brought me to suicide. Even if I had all those sweet moments all over again, I would still be left again with the necessity of death. I’ve already seen how this movie ends.

U: And what if Eurasian issues never come up in the USA? Will you say that the internet proves they are all faking? Pretend you can read their minds, and sense their subconcious hatred of Eurasians?

I: And if there is open hatred?

U: Then you will have your proof.

I: If I already know life is hell, I don’t need to have my flesh scorched, just to prove it. The point of this, was that it was a prelude to my escape to Asia. But Asia is not going to be a deus ex machina for Hapa problems.

U: Can’t you just choose to have faith to believe this will work out?

I: Its hard for me to force optimism at this point in my life.

U: The optimism that anything at all is better than being a Hapa blogger.

I: The fake optimism of the fact, came from the lie that I could surrender and integrate into US culture. With racialization, that is impossible.

U: It defends how you define integrate. In 2010 the plan was to integrate as a slave. If you forget the tribe, and only remember Mr.Hapa, then theres no reason you can’t. Forget that other Asians exist. Whatever insults there are, they are meant for you personally as Mr.Hapa. You already take all anti-asian insults highly personally. So it shouldn’t be any great leap from there to Mr.Hapa being the only Asian man in the world.

I: And then I can rest?

U: No one would deny it to you at that point.

I: Society would.

U: We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I: And what is the expected payoff for this investment?

U: Escape from the Hapa blogosphere, which should be good enough a reason for you.

I: Internet Hapa discussion is true torture. And that is the one thing that propels me back to real life. It can’t be worse than this. There is more WMAF here, than I’ve ever encountered in my life.

U: Hiding from your enemies in a self-built torture chamber.

I: I fear that running away from America, to be an ESL teacher in Asia, will also be precisely that. Hiding in a torture chamber.

U: The term triggers you. But theres nothing wrong with Asians teaching other Asians.

I: Asians seem to think so. It is well-known that Asians discriminate against Asian-American english teachers.

U: Perhaps your Half-White privilege will come through for you on that count.

I: It seems there is more hope in America than in Asia now. But what can I really hope to achieve here? What is the best case scenario? Lets just say it. If this is a continuation of 2011, then what I’m hoping for must be…well… a white girlfriend. There I said it. Thats what I really mean right? And clearly that is a totally impossibility. So I’d be wasting my time here. Teasing and tormenting myself. Thats the big deal right? Awkward flirting with white girls. So recapturing and surpassing that, would mean dating them. If thats what this is about. Then its a total waste of time.

U: It doesn’t have to be about that. You just need to get your head out of Hapa issues.

I: In America 1st, then Asia. We know what I’m seeking in Asia. But its true, I’m more excited about America. But what exactly am I hoping to achieve here? Its clear I have no future here. What miracle can save me? What is the goal?

U: To not think about Hapa issues.

I: Ok I spend a few months, not thinking about Hapas, and then I’m back to square one. Unless I go to Asia, and that works out. But then that begs the question of what I’m trying to achieve here in USA. Unless its just a pep rally to perk me up.

U: It is partially that.

I: But I think theres a hope that somehow things can work out in USA. Yes to the point of making Asian redundant.

U: Perhaps that says something about yourself. You really don’t want to be Asian. And at the suggestion of becoming a full Asian-Asian, your 1st response is to try to save America. Perhaps thats whats needed to get you active in USA again, the threat of deportation.

I: IDK WTF I want. Its clear that nothing can work out here. And an Asian rescue appears to be a mirage. Yeah, I do feel like I’m back at square one.

U: Just commit to the noble lie, even if it isn’t going to work out. When its all over, you’ll have done something with these few months. And you might not even be alive anymore. Anyway perhaps it will kick the lethargy, that is the main factor keeping you alive. Inertia. You’re an object at rest. Give you a push, and maybe you’ll roll off the table.

I: Believe the lie?

U: Just give this project, what it asks for. And then your life is yours. And maybe you do need to be lifted up a little, so you even have the energy to destroy yourself.

I: I need a clearer idea, on what exactly the plan is for Asia, and how that matches up with reality. Then we can also add in the USA component, but I don’t know what exactly thats supposed to accomplish. A goodbye kiss.

U: It wont work if you have an uncommited negative attitude. Look it doesn’t have to be grand. Lets just say that the Hapa Web is so bad, that you need some real life, just to escape that.

I: If the Hapa issues are real issues, closing my eyes to them for a few months, wont solve crap.

U: Thats why we have the Asia trip at the end of the road.

I: I’m going in circles here. I will have to see, what exactly my plans for Asia are, and whether its possible. Maybe it really is the solution. If it really is all about American racism. And in Asia, I never have to see a white. Then at least that much of my problems is genuinely solved. Even if I’m not a citizen and I’m on a work visa. The specifics I’m not sure about, but if this is genuinely a chance to live without racism, then maybe that is the only thing holding me back. Maybe if I never have to face white people and their contempt for me, I’ll be happy. If this is all about whites hating Asians. And I never have to see a white again. Problem solved right?

I: It certainly seems like a daunting task to cram an entire Asian language just for the chance to be a menial laborer in Asia, and occupy a lower position than I could probably obtain in America. I suppose if I has some kind of passion for this country as a Utopia, I could easily take on the task and bare any burden. But I’m not actually filled with passion for Asia. The one thing I want is an escape for white men. But at least on the internet, Asia is facing an invasion of white men anyway. And while there might be less whites in Asia, what they lack in numbers, they make up in quality. You see whites in America, they can just be ordinary dudes or even a girl. In Asia, every single white you see, is assumed to be the worst type of expat.

U: Now you have often been accused of using race as a scapegoat, to mask your own personal flaws. Here you are being offered the solution to your main issue- white people. And don’t say you can’t hate people because you are half white. Glenn Beck thinks Obama hates white people. Quite a few of the conservative white men who marry Asian women also believe this. Obama, is as much white as he is black. You mention your white last name, and the fact that you are cut off from your Asian culture. Obama has even more claim to this, his Kenyan dad left when he was a kid, and he didn’t even visit his home village until he was in his 20s. He was raised entirely by his white mom and grandparents. He had even less contact with his Kenyan relatives than you did with your Asian ones. Now is Obama, a Black president, or is he equally a white president? That is not even a question. If the one-drop rule applies so clearly with Mulattoes, why is there all this angst about Hapas being not really Asian?

I: Because its even worse to be Asian than to be Black, as seen by the difference between AMWF and BMWF. Asian is something no man wants to be. And so even Hapas who look Asian, will use any excuse they can to claim that their white dad, makes them not really Asian.

U: Look your mom made a mistake. It wasn’t done maliciously. It was done ignorantly, perhaps negligently. Your parents aren’t the WMAFs of the internet. Under different circumstances, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with them on that count. But in a WMAF society, its impossible to separate it. It was a mistake for you to be born of WMAF in America. This can rectify the mistake.

I: Its a little late in life, to pretend, I’m just a normal Asian in Asia born of AMAF parents. In a way, I’m a victim of my own
propaganda. I’m willing to play Devil’s Advocate with myself. So I wanted to know the GDP per capita of my mom’s homeland. IF it was significantly lower than USA, I could at least be grateful for the economic benefits. But not only was it not much lower, according to projections, it was expected to soon exceed the USA. According to psychologists this is the ideal type of happiness. A poor man getting richer and richer, is happier than a rich man getting poorer and poor. The rise is more joyful than the fall, even if you end up in the same place. And the other thing to consider is that there is less income inequality in Asia. The GDP per capita, does nothing for people in the middle and bottom, if you don’t actually see the money. With a lower Gini coefficient, it means you can actually get some of that GDP. So there was no need for me to be the least bit grateful about being born in USA to WMAF. Not only do I suffer social degradation, but I can’t even say I’m being paid off for it. Equal economic circumstances with much worse social, racial, sexual situation. If anything, the data, would only hate my parents more. I was trying to be nice, and be grateful for the better life they gave me, compared to Asia. And I only end up resenting them more.

U: And this is what lead you to finally consider the move to Asia. You’ve thought about it on and off since high school. Although not to your mom’s country. But somewhere in Asia. Part of it is, you didn’t want to do the work for it, which you aren’t crazy about now either. And you can be blamed for laziness on that count. Lets say the USA is a totally racist nation. You are offered an escape from it, but are too lazy to climb out. If your imaginary AMAF Half-Bro in Asia is living such a serene life in the Confucian hive, why can’t you join him? Sure being a Hapa immigrant at this age, isn’t the same thing as being born there of AMAF parents. But if its so much a better society to live in, you still have the chance to do it, even as a Hapa. And you might very well encounter whites only as ghosts in the wind. Understandably when comments advised you to go to Asia to find a wife, you were very put off. There is no pleasure in being with a woman, who you find both physically and morally repulsive. Theres no joy, in being with a person you hate and despise. But that isn’t the bait for this offer. The bait if a chance to be a worker drone in the Confucian hive. To live with a totally different value system. And even if their culture is corrupted by McDonaldization, at least they will all look homogeneous. There wont be white people. And at the end of the day, it doesn’t have to be about values for you. If everyone looks like you, and you no longer have to suffer as a minority, thats good enough.

I: It would be a lot easier to just suicide. Why take up such a burden, for a life I’m not even enthusiastic about, and wont even be that great? Its an even harder life, than that which awaits me in USA. The only benefit, is no white people. And even that is not an absolute. What they lack in quantity in Asia, they more than make up for in quality. Every single white guy in Asia, is a WMAF right out of the internet. In the same way that withdrawing from the USA to the web, just made things worse. This could be a leap from the pan into the WMAF fire. Now that truly would be hell. The burden of learning Asian, adjusting to a new society, struggling with no prospects, only to be stuck with the worst of wmaf.

U: If the situation is that bad, that even in a wealthy Asian home nation, they live under the heels of WMAF. Then truly Asians are a hopeless case, and theres nothing to be done with them. If you can’t escape the humiliation of Asians, in Asia, then truly all is lost. Africa is poor. But if a Black man chose to go back to Africa, he could be assured that he would be living under a Nationalist government of Blacks for Blacks and by Blacks. He would find what he was looking for. If Asians, the most populous on earth, can’t go anywhere to be at home, then truly they are a dead race.

I: Perhaps I’m a tad apocalyptic. But with all the news of the Rise of Asia, I don’t feel like crap is getting any better. Alright maybe thats my 1st world problems perspective. Having taken economics for granted, perhaps I don’t take the genuine achievements seriously enough. It is no small thing to lift millions out of poverty. And probably its better to live in an Asian Tiger Nation than Africa.

U: If you are so angry at Asian females, will Asia really free you from hate? You will still be hating the female half of the population. If you can’t stand the sight of Asian women, in Asia you will be overwhelmed with ugliness.

I: Its WMAF I hate. If all I’m seeing in Asia is AMAF, I wont care. You’re right, if Asia is full of WMAF it will be leaping from the pan into the fire. Maybe suicide is the answer. Well theres always time. I can at least visit Asia and do some reconnaissance and see if it is white free. If there really are almost no white people. Then it deserves serious consideration at least. This would be the total undoing of my WMAF birth. It will be like my whole life never happened and I was just a normal Asian guy born in Asia to AMAF parents. I mentioned how I hate the life of the average Asian-American man. But I could live an ordinary Asian life, if I wasn’t at the bottom of a racial hierarchy pyramid.

U: It would be hypocritical of you, if you say that your whole problem is living among racist whites, and you turn down a chance of escape. If Asia is genuinely free of whites, then you have no excuse not to emigrate.

I: I told my mom, the one reason I would be happier in Asia, is because I would escape the white people I hate so much. She asked me if I hated my dad and grandparents. And I said “YES! YES! 1000 times YES!” That I had a volcano of rage and hatred underneath, that I had no choice but to keep suppressed in order to maintain my leeching off my parents. But it doesn’t make it go away.

U: This is your chance to put yourself where your mouth is.

I: Of course this doesn’t make me an actual AMAF son born in Asia. My life did happen. Its much more difficult to integrate into Asia at this point.

U: Even if you don’t fully integrate into Asia, you will have at least escaped your hell.

I: Not if its WMAF heaven as those online allege.

U: You’ve been to Asia yourself and you can vouch with your own eyes, there are hardly any white people there. Haven’t been there in a whiles. But now you can double check.

I: IDK maybe I really wont ever be accepted anywhere ever. I will be a total stranger in Asia, an alien. If I was a white guy, or a whiter looking Eurasian, ok I could stick out and be a cool alien. But as a basically Asian-looking Hapa, I wont be a special snowflake there. I will be as alienated as a white.

U: The option of suicide will still be open. Lets just check this out.

I: I don’t think I’ll ever be free. I think the burden of being Hapa will kill me. Its not Asia’s job to clean up the Hapa mess. Its America’s fault that Hapa happened. I should be a burden on America not Asia.

U: Do you feel universally hated in USA?

I: My autobiography doesn’t lie. From childhood to now. IDK maybe Hapas just don’t belong in this world. I always knew Asia was an opium pipe dream. And maybe thats all it is now too. A mirage. I don’t think I’ll find any liberation there. I just don’t think Eurasians are fit to live.

U: You need to decide one way or the other.

I: I can make a limited commitment to going to Asia, just to do some reconnaissance and check it out, while keeping the suicide option open. I hate life and have no attachment to it. Still, I can always die, theres no need to throw it away carelessly, without 1st exhausting all options. I think I’ve done my fiduciary duty on that count. I didn’t just rush into death. I explored all options both intellectually and in practice. I made every effort to live every genre of life. If I were to suicide, it would be with total confidence that I was born into a life not worth living, and that none of my choices could change it. If its necessary to cross off one last possibility, to be totally confident in the rationality of my suicide, thats fine.

U: Of course half-heartedness is the enemy of success. If you believe it will fail, it will.

I: I’m not going to work my ass off for a maybe. I’m make a partial commitment. As far as I’m concerned this is recon. I want to know which claims about Asia are true. If its really true, that I’d be totally free of whites, then yes, it would be hard for me to turn down the chance, without being a hypocrite. If Asia, genuinely has no white people, I will make my full commitment to living in it. IF Asia is overflowing with WMAF, then I will know for sure, that no life anywhere is worth living for a Hapa. Only the evidence can decide.

U: And so if you do not encounter any whites in Asia, you vouch to become an Asian Citizen and integrate?

I: I would be willing to live a quiet life as a sterile worker drone in the Confucian hive.

U: America love it or leave it. Go back where you came from. Go back to Asia, if you hate living in America so much. America is a free country and you are free to leave. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Don’t believe that your White Dad entitles you to be Citizen Hapa.

“A class action suit was filed in 1993 on their behalf in the International Court of Complaints in Washington, DC, to establish Filipino American children’s rights to assistance. The court denied the claim, ruling that the children were the products of unmarried women who provided sexual services to U.S. service personnel in the Philippines and were therefore engaged in illicit acts of
prostitution. Such illegal activity could not be the basis for any legal claim.”

The US Courts have ruled, that just because your Asian Prostitute mom acquired White Genetic Material, it doesn’t mean her half-White Amerasian kids are entitled to citizenship. If WMAF is degenerate and illegal, we can’t reward illegal activities with legal rights. If Mexicans who were brought over here as babies can be deported, why not Amerasians who were born here? John Derbyshire’s White Nationalist friends, tell him that he will only be accepted back into the movement, if he has his Chinese wife and kids deported back to China, and refuses to send them any support.

I: Perhaps go back to Asia, is not just an insult, but serious advice. There is nothing for me in America. Of course since this is a blog of sexual failure, most of these comments see Asia as the solution to that. Find an Asian wife in Asia. That I would never do. I despise them. If I were to go back to Asia, it would be to live like a celibate Buddhist Monk. And why not? I was close to becoming a Catholic Monk in America. But I was tempted away by the beauty of blonde Nordic Lutherans. As Eldridge Cleaver said “He who worships the Virgin Mary will lust for the beautiful dumb blonde.” And that is exactly what happened to me. I don’t think it is a coincidence that my pursuit for Catholic Celibacy and Lutheran Blondes began at the exact same moment. And that SEML was written on the heels of it. Its all related. I’ve never been attracted to Buddhism as an organized religion, but the Aryanism of German Philosophers like Hesse and Schopenhauer. Buddhism as an Aryan philosophy of pessimism. The negation of all will and existence. Putting out the candle of the Ego. This very much matches with my anti-natalist Epicureanism. The least pain for the least number. The only heaven is the Nirvana of non-existence.

U: There will be no Virgin Mary nor beautiful dumb blondes for you in Asia.

I: As though it does me any good here. Lets accept the sexual side of me is totally dead. And I might as well be a Buddhist Monk. You say that I hate America. Perhaps thats true. But only as a spurned lover. I took the Melting Pot, Pluralism and All Men are Created Equal very seriously. But it is clear to me, that I will never be judged for the content of my character. I’m not demanding equality of outcome. But I asked to be judged on a meritocracy. But I was not granted this, instead I was judged simply for being Hapa. At least Confucian society makes no pretense of all men being created equal. All human relations are defined by hierarchy, and every bee knows his place in the collectivist hive. The benefit of Superior People, not pretending to be equal to you, is that in recognition of their superiority they at least owe you some noblesse oblige. There is a reciprocity in these unequal relationships. Now my mom tells me that I wont find
traditional Confucian values in Asia. That the young people are all American consumerists. Shes probably right. But at least they will be consumerists who look like me. A lot of it is quite simple and comes down to looks. Its shallow, but racial tribes are like our team jersey. And I’m on the loser team of 2%. If everyone looked like me that be nice. Now we have a comment from a Eurasian who hated the decadence of America, and went back to China and found a wife. He is not so happy about his current situation. But I wouldn’t follow in his footsteps. I would be a Monkish Celibate.

U: I earlier presented to you, the possibility of a small Epicurean life. Tending to the small joys, and avoiding pain. You said that in USA, this was totally impossible. Since even abandoning sex and popularity, you would be constantly taunted as a hated minority. Now its true, in Asia you would be part of an Emigre minority. But at least everyone would look like you. And so you could work some menial job as a worker drone. Since you could accept your place, without feeling racial oppression and humiliation.

I: But as a Eurasian Emigre in Asia, I would be like a Mexican in America. Lower really. I would be a total illiterate, unable to speak or write or read the language. I would have no marketable skills. I wouldn’t even have an Emigre community to fall back on. Even back “home” I would be a total stranger among strangers. It is in this sense that there is no “home” for a Hapa to go “back” to, he belongs no where. And yet with all this pessimism about Asia, I still might want to go forward to this emigration. Since if the prime source of my misery is being surrounded by white people who despise me, in Asia I can forget about white people. I would make sure to avoid them. White people would just become ghosts from my nightmares. And I would forget they even exist. They would just be spooks from stories. I’m not sure if this is the answer. But it deserves serious consideration.

U: Certainly to the extent that you claim, your misery derives from White American Racism, this offers you a complete escape hatch from that. Its true you would be a stranger in a strange land. But as you say, the people would look like you. Perhaps in a society, where everyone is a homogeneous Asian, your Eurasian features would stand out more than in USA.

U: Do you think you are ugly?

I: I never felt ugly in my personal life. Sure I might have had this or that flaw, but I could work on it. It wasn’t until college, when I began reading online about the true meaning of WMAF, that I realized it was premised on the fact/belief that Asians are the ugliest race. I was looking at facial attractiveness studies, that did not directly reference race. All the pictures were of European men. And yet what is impossible to miss from these studies, is that Eurasian is the definition of ugly. The more a white man takes on Eurasian features, the uglier he is. The most extreme ‘ugly white man’ is the most close resemblance to a Eurasian. While the most attractive white man is furthest from Asian. And btw this is basically true for white women as well. I think its noticeable that despite the Asian fetish, on physical grounds, Asian women usually rank as the ugliest race of women. The real attraction to Asian women, is based on their supposed submissive personality traits. WMAF is clearly a form of settling for WM who can’t get WF. To exotify AF is to make a virtue out of a necessity. Sour grapes. I think that Columbia attraction study, that ranked Asian men last, also ranked Asian women last. Asian women were ranked last, by all races of men, including Asian men. So I guess you could say that Asians are just an ugly race, both men and women. But if you are an ugly women, you can still mate. I don’t think its a coincidence that Swedish Nordic women are considered the most radically feminist, while Asian women are considered the most submissive. Since Asian women on physical traits rank so low in sexual market value, they need to increase their brand, with the selling point of how submissive you are. A Danish woman has no need to settle, which Roosh discovered to his disgrace. This is the reason for the recent racialization of PUA, to focus on negging Asian men. I doubt I will be getting any more PUA spam on my blog, since they have given up on Eurasians as a hopeless cause. This is something I advised them to do back in 2011. I asked them how can they be biological determinists on sex and Blank Slates on race?

U: You believe that life is stacked against you in everyway possible and that you never had a chance.

I: Its amazing I was able to keep a sunny disposition as long as I did. A realistic assessment of my situation K-12 would have sent me into a deep depression from birth to now. Theres nothing good about my life. And its impossible to separate it from race. After all, I’m the outcome of WMAF genes and WMAF upbringing, combined with American society’s reaction to a Eurasian face. WMAF is totally unsuited to raise Eurasian kids. Think about the Asian mom, Confucian culture is all she knows, as is the case with Amy Chua. In many cases she is a FOB, 1st generation immigrant. Asian culture is her only frame of reference. And so she expects to raise her half-white kids with her Tiger Mom values. For Amy Chua this was explicitly her project on her Hapa daughters. Girls are more willing to accept this from their Asian moms, than Eurasian males are. But even in Chua’s book, her Hapa daughters eventually rebel. But if genetics had cursed her with sons, her book would not be a cute family comedy, but a psychological tragedy. Perhaps another WMAF mom needs to sell the book Tiger Son. But it really is a strange scenario to see Half-Whites with white last names, being raised by Confucian moms. A commentator suggested that Confucian girls are like Muslim boys, in that they want total control over their own, while seeking out enemy mates themselves.

U: And you see no possible way of rising out of this situation?

I: Can a leopard change his spots? Can a Hapa change his Hapaness? I’m born to be who I’m. I don’t think we’ll be seeing a Eurasian Civil Rights movement anytime soon. I did what I could with my life. I generally haven’t gone into the non-Hapa details of my life much on this blog. But as a teen and into young adulthood, I tried my best in all these macho manly adventures activities and jobs. Perhaps that was a mistake and I was in way over my head. But I did try. I didn’t sit on my hands all these years. I’m sitting on my hands now, because I’m convinced from bitter experience.

U: Are those two sides of the same coin perhaps? opposite poles attract? Two opposite symptoms of the same disease. On the one hand you aim for the moon, with your head in the clouds. And then when you can’t be a Great Man, you want to be the Worst Man. If you are not on the absolute top, you want to be on the absolute bottom. You were never willing to settle for the middle.

I: Since 2010, I would have been happy with a normal, lower middle, life. And I took steps to reach it. And thats precisely where race started coming up. In that the life of normal Asian men sucks. And so as a Hapa man, it was impossible for me to live a middle life. A decent job, a wife and kids, is forever closed off to a Hapa. I just can’t live a life surrounded by people who hold me in such contempt.

U: Now what about the devil’s advocate position, that you are just whining and using Eurasian issues as a scapegoat excuse for your own personal problems?

I: Of course these are my personal problems. I’m a eurasian person. And its impossible to separate my person from my Hapa identity. And all you have to do is read my autobiography to see, just how important Hapa issues were to me, from earliest childhood. I didn’t create this self. It was imposed on me from earliest childhood. I’m half-white, half-asian, and this defines me totally. And then to the accusation that this is all in my head. I have all my evidence of how bad it is for Asian men. And I look Asian. Now wiping all that away is nothing more than White Mansplaining. Its easy for those who are not Eurasian men, to pretend our problems aren’t real. You go try being Eurasian. If only they could do a Black Like Me for Eurasians. Let people walk a mile in Eurasian shoes.


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